KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When you decide not to wear makeup:
1 Are you okay because you are looking awfully pale?
2 You would look so pretty with a little makeup. It really does miracles.
3 You look so much better on social media.
4 You would feel so much better about yourself if only you wore some makeup.
5 Oh do you have pink eye? You look naked without eyeliner.
6 Oh geez. What happened to your eyebrows?
7 What are those spots on your face?
8 Wow you look like you didn’t get any sleep last night with those dark circles.
9 I have a good dermatologist if you are interested.
10 Not everyone is a natural beauty.

#blogger #topten #nomakeup

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Taking selfies:
1 You aren’t fooling anyone. I know that pic wasn’t taken in 1 shot. You probably did it 50 to 100 times before getting the perfect one.
2 Your nose isn’t the smallest. You look fine before you snap the shot but after it is taken your nose looks like it could poke someone’s eye out. Yow!
3 You look like you gained 20 pounds right in your face. Try again.
4 Your cute duck lip pose looks like you had a stroke. Oh no.
5 Instead of a sweet young thang you look like the old hag from Snow White. You just got scared looking at yourself.
6 You hold the camera at such an angle that you look like a stick figure under a magnifying glass.
7 Time to take the glasses off. You look like Velma with Coke bottle glasses on.
8 Why am I so pale? I look like I need a transfusion.
9 What is up with my lips? Looks like I sucked on a lemon then smoked a cigarette.
10 Why do my eyes look half shut? Then when I try to open them up more, I look someone demanded my new wallet with all of my money.

#blogger #topten #selfies

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Beauty salons:

1 You bring a picture of what you want your hair to look like. Your stylist has her own vision but it wasn’t anything like your picture. You look like your mother in the sixties. Did my grandmom call you before I showed up?
2 You ask for a trim and get a hack job. Can you please reattach my hair? She must have been jealous of your beautiful hair. She did this on purpose.
3 You want to switch things up by going to someone else. When you go back to your regular stylist she notices and treats you as if you cheated on her personally. Honey, I never said we were exclusive. Don’t go psycho.
4 You ask for highlights but when it is done, you can’t even notice. You need a magnifying glass to see them. A bottle of lemon juice would have done more.
5 After your haircut, you realize one side is longer than the other. I demand to see your hairdresser certificate! I am ripping it up.
6 You ask for your bangs to be trimmed. When she is done you look like Jim Carey in Dumb and Dumber. What the flip were you thinking?
7 Your barber forgets to check the guard on the clippers and takes out a chunk of hair. You heard the weed whacker sound and immediately after she says oops. Oops, your ass! You can’t undo this one.
8 You want your eyebrows shaped and when you look in the handheld mirror, you want to hit her over the head with it. You look like Ronald McDonald. I didn’t ask for arches!
9 You want some blonde in your dark hair but your hair looks frosted when you are done. You look 20 years older. Thanks a lot, lady!
10 Your hairdresser over books and works on too many people at once. You are feeling neglected and went there to be pampered. If you wanted to be ignored, you could have stayed home.

#Blogger #TopTen #BeautySalon

KC Avalon’s daily blog

How hard can it be to bake a cake?
1 You take it out of the oven and allow it to cool. When you come back to check on it, the cake is flat like a pancake. Poor thing.
2 You didn’t cook it enough. When you cut it open, there is raw cake batter inside. I guess you can convince people it is a pudding cake.
3 You forget to grease and flour the bundt cake pan. Getting the cake out of the pan is impossible. You begin by tapping the cake and then lose all patience. Your mother comes in to see you in a boxing match with the cake.
4 You are feeling overly ambitious and try a triple layer cake. It is so perfect that it should be a work of art. That is until you carry it to the fridge and you helplessly watch each layer sail to the floor in slow motion.
5 You try to be artistic and copy a cake that you saw in a magazine. Your castle looks like a volcano hit it and is a hot mess. The towers look like penises. Oh boy! Too late to make or buy another one. Hopefully, no one will notice.
6 Your cake baked unevenly because you kept opening the oven door as if you were watching a peep show.
7 You didn’t have the right size cake pan so you used a smaller one. It would not have been a problem if you put less batter but you poured the whole thing. The batter overflowed all over the oven and the fire alarm went off. The firemen showed up to put the fire out in your oven.
8 You burnt the bottom of the cake in an effort to make sure the cake was completely cooked thru. Now you have to cut off the bottom and everyone thinks they are eating brownies.
9 You forget to precook your fruit for your pie. Everyone is trying to fake how good it is but you can hear the crunching of the apples. Dagnabbit.
10 You overwork the dough because you want to give it some special tender loving care. You are left with a hard and dry crust and your guests are left unsatisfied for dessert. They have to stop on the way home to buy something more appetizing. No one ever asks you to make a dessert again.

#blogger #topten #bakingcakes

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Funny things some beginner golfers do:
1 They try to hit the ball off of the tee but swing and miss. Again and again. Twenty shots later you are still going. This isn’t a batting range. Everyone is looking at you and barely swallowing their laugh. You finally pick the ball up and put it in your pocket and skip that hole. It’s probably just first hole stage fright because everyone watching.
2 You see everyone taking practice shots before they hit the ball. You do your best to make everyone think you know what you are doing. You tip the ball and it falls off the tee. NO don’t count that! I didn’t mean to hit it.
3 You try to kill the ball so that it goes the furthest. The macho man in you has to show how much power you have. Good job. Now your ball has hooked or sliced instead of going straight. Good luck finding it.
4 You hit the ball and cup you hand above your eyes to see how far it went. Wow it must be on the green! Hee hee hee. Your ball is right by your foot. Embarrassing.
5 You can’t hit the ball out of the sand. Sand is flying everywhere but the ball remains. The only thing you managed to do is dig a hole with your club.
6 You think you are too good for the golfing range. Anyone can hit a ball. You don’t need practice. Don’t be surprised when your friends don’t ask you to come along anymore because you take too long.
7 Overcompensating by buying ridiculously expensive equipment thinking it will make you play better. Hey buddy, you still play pathetic.
8 Throwing temper tantrums because you are playing lousy. Stringing curse words together and throwing clubs is not going to make your game better. You big donkey. Calm down or your game will get a whole lot worse.
9 You kick your ball or move it when no one is looking because you don’t like the location. Cheater!!
10 Hitting the ball at the same time as someone else on the green. This isn’t mini golf. You are disqualified.

#blog #blogger #topten #golfing

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Damn fly!:
1 It all starts when someone comes into the house with an unwanted friend, the fly!
You are trying to cook and the pesky fly wants some food too.
2 You track it from room to room like a spy with your rolled-up magazine. It is flying like a Top Gun MiG. It’s okay. It has to slow down sooner or later and you will be waiting.
3 Now the sucker is doing unauthorized flybys with your dog. Your poor pup is defenseless and his swinging paws are too slow to keep up with the fly’s maneuvers.
4 Boy, this fly has some big balls when he lands on your nose. He must be feeling brave and makes you look like a chump in front of your family.
5 After dinner, you see him on one of the plates as you are cleaning up. You grab your weapon. Swing and a miss. Strike. The next swings lands and it is a success. Dead. He got what he deserved.
6 You are watching tv feeling peaceful since you aren’t being bothered. Then you see a fly on the tv. Oh, it better be part of the show you are watching. As if the fly is mocking you, it flies into the room to show you it is in your house. Where did this fly come from?
7 You haven’t seen the bugger all night so you assume it is gone. You are about to fall asleep when you hear the old buzzard dive-bombing around you. Are you kidding me!! You hope it flies to another room but it continues to dive-bomb. You are so angry that you blindly throw an air punch that connects with your lamp. Kapow!
8 Now you have a broken lamp and a fly who refuses to give up. This is war!! It is time to bring in the big guns. This poor sucker has no idea who he just messed with. It’s time for the Godfather to deliver the kiss of death. You woke your husband up with all of the racket and he is not happy with the fly.
9 Your husband is not an amateur when it comes to killing flies. He can catch one with his bare hands. He winds up and with a swift silent blow, the job is done.
10 The next day you are at the beach and you get bit. Ouch! It is a greenhead horse fly and it drew blood. Of course. It is a land breeze. You win the battle by swimming in the ocean until you turn into a prune. Bye-bye fly.

#blogger #topten #flies

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When you don’t want to move up to the next size in clothes:
1 You shame yourself so that you are forced to lose weight or be uncomfortable until you do. You would rather those pants squeeze the life out of you than spend money on new clothes.
2 The looser your clothes, the more you will eat to fill the gap.
3 You would rather buy stretch clothes just so you can say you are still the same size. You probably stretched yourself out two sizes with that forgiving fabric.
4 You lay on the bed and suck in your stomach so that you can get the zipper up on your jeans. If they still won’t budge, you pull the zipper up with a hanger. Just don’t bend over if you drop something or go to the bathroom until you get home.
5 You blame the dryer for shrinking your tops. Honey, your tops didn’t get smaller, you just got bigger.
6 You put your hands into fists and stretch out the inside of the shirt while you have it on to give you more room.
7 You wear spanx but are having trouble breathing because they are strangling you to death. Talk about uncomfortable. Once you try them you will never want to wear them again. Ever. NEVER.
8 Your shirt is a little too tight. Someone asks you when your baby is due. Why don’t you come over here so I can slap you for asking me such a stupid question. I eat a little too much and now you think I am having a baby! The nerve.
9 Your pants are so tight the pockets flare out like Dumbo’s ears. Forget about putting anything in those pockets. It will be a one way trip.
10 Hope you put your socks on before your pants because you won’t be bending over in them. You better make sure the shoes are slip on too or someone else is going to have to tie them.

#Blogger #Topten #TooTight

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Forgetfulness:

1 You try and get into your car and the door is locked and the key doesn’t work because it’s not your car dummy!
2 You lose something and then try to pray to the Saint who finds things and can’t remember his name. Guess it’s lost forever.
3 When you remember to make your lunch only to forget it on the counter. You can even see it in your mind sitting there waiting to be eaten.
4 You are on your way up to bed and forget if you shut the stove off. You only checked it five times already but hey go check one last time.
5 You walk into a room with a purpose and then have no clue whatsoever why you are there. It doesn’t come back to you until you walk all the way back to where you came from.
6 You are talking to someone in the store as if you are long lost friends. You have no idea who the person is.
7 Someone asks you to do something at work but you don’t write it down because you are smart as a whip. Yeah right! You forgot to do it and now your boss is going to whip you because it was important.
8 You can’t find your phone and you ask someone in the house to call you so you can listen for it. Your husband tells you if you put it in the same place every day, you wouldn’t lose it. Thanks a lot genius but I still can’t find it.
9 You go to the mall and forget where you parked your car. You have to wait until everyone leaves so that you can walk around the parking lot and find your car laughing at you.
10 Taking meat out to defrost and it is still there in the morning. It’s not the first time. You are desperately looking for signs of even the slightest coolness so that you don’t have to throw it away.

#blogger #topten #forgetting

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Happy Father’s Day Dads
Things Fathers Say:

1 He turns into a weatherman and can’t resist telling you the temperature when he sees you going out for the night.
2 When you ask for something he tells you to ask your mother. She says to ask your father. You get bounced around like a ping pong ball.
3 He can’t resist putting “When I was your age” into a story. Four score and two hundred years ago.
4 He acts like a big spender when he hands you a $20 bill like it’s a hundred then says, “Don’t spend it all in one place.”
5 He loves when someone stands in front of the TV so he can tell you that you make a better door than a window.
6 He can’t resist using wacky sayings like “He folded like a cheap lawn chair.” Oh boy we better get pops outta here.
7 You ask for an ice cream and he answers with, “What am I a millionaire?” Not even close you big spender.
8 When he says, “Don’t tell mom. This will be our little secret.” You got him now! Let the bribery begin.
9 Dad always knows when you touch his thermostat. He is like the Gollum in Lord of the Rings. My precious!
10 “I need to make a quick stop.” Next time you get no drinks before traveling. It’s pretty bad when you see more rest stops them land marks on your road trip.

#blogger #topten #fathers

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Cruise ship expectations and reality:
1 The pool area looks so luxurious and spacious. Reality – There are 500 people trying to swim in the pool and people save chairs from the crack ass of down so you have nowhere to sit. It looks like spring break in Ft. Lauderdale.
2 You are going to get a nice spacious room with a deck. Reality – That costs a lot extra. You have to crawl up to your pillow because the walls are right up against the sides of the bed. The shower is the size of a camper shower. You try to shave but there is no room to bend over and lifting your leg up against the wall is not a possibility.
3 You are single and think that your room rate will be cut in half since you are one person. Think again. You get to pay the special two-person price.
4 You are guaranteed to have beautiful weather since you are on a luxurious cruise ship. Wrong Again! If you are lucky enough for it to be windy the entire time, you will be blown away every time the automatic doors open to the decks. The higher swells will test your seasickness. You won’t need to roll over in bed since you will roll like a hot dog on a rotisserie.
5 You spent thousands of dollars on your cruise so you assume excursions are included. In reality, you will spend $1,000 more to be adventurous.
6 Your alcohol runs on a tab that goes on your credit card. The last night of the cruise, they sneakily slip it under your door because they are too ashamed to hand it to you face to face. There goes another $1,000 if you are a big drinker.
7 You are really excited to spend time in each port to explore. Unfortunately, they only give you enough time to experience a peep show of each port. They really want to see how many people they can leave behind that don’t make it back to the ship in time.
8 They have men who stand outside of the food areas singing a washy washy your hands song. If you don’t want to sanitize, NO FOOD FOR YOU!
9 You are so excited about the opportunity to see some celebrity entertainment. You are living in the lap of luxury baby! Yo buddy, nobody famous here. That is on a special ship.
10 You take a stroll past the control room so that you can see the captain and his sidekick drive the ship. The area is covered in glass so that you can look in from the outside except no one is in there. So the ship is driving itself and we are in the middle of the ocean on the way to Bermuda. Hello, shouldn’t someone be in there to make sure everything is running smoothly? Did you ever hear of the Bermuda Triangle? Better bend over so I can kiss my ass goodbye.

#blogger #topten #cruises

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Best excuses for not doing your homework

1 We are in a pandemic. If things take a turn for the worst, I don’t want to spend my last days doing homework.
2 I gave homework up for lent because I get a lot of pleasure out of doing it. (You are going to burn in hell for this one, but you can worry about that later)
3 I did the work and left it home. School work is for school. Very confusing.
4 I handed it to you. Remember? You must have misplaced it. I did all that work for nothing. (You silently hope you nose isn’t growing like Pinocchio)
5 My mom was too lazy to do it for me. I will yell at her when I get home.
6 The stores are completely out of toilet paper. We had to use anything we could get our hands on. I don’t think you want it now.
7 The wind blew it and I chased it all over town. Unfortunately, it fell in the sewer.
8 We had homework last night? Oh wow, I thought it was due next week.
9 I have a medical condition called carple tunnel and it hurts too much to write.
10 I didn’t need to do it. Homework is for practice and I am very good already. Who needs practice when you are perfect?

#blogger #topten #homeworkexcuses

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Electric cars
1 You decide to be adventurous and go on a cross country trip from NJ to California. Yes!! You feel so alive. Dammit, the bleeping car died before you even made it through Pennsylvania. 😡
2 You have one beer too many and end up at the gas station. You try and shove the gas nozzle into the car. 🤦🏻‍♀️
3 You forget to charge the car and have to call out of work. You forget to charge your phone all the time so why did you think you would be responsible enough to charge a car!
4 You have to plan your trips around the location of charging stations.
5 You avoid traveling to the mountains because your car can’t make the climb. It has never made it to the top yet. It uses too much power.
6 You love accessories and play the radio, run the a/c on blast, charge your phone all while driving like a speed demon. The battery is draining quicker than your speed.
7 You have to replace your battery. No problem, you saved $200. The repair shop gives you a whopper of a bill for $5,500. What?! As they scrape you off the floor you demand that they keep the car. It’s not worth it.
8 Your electric bill went up 100’s of dollars. Where exactly are you saving money?
9 The charger you bought takes 8 hours to get an 80% charge. How are you supposed to make plans with friends? You always show up after everyone has left. Your car has turned into a buzz kill and has destroyed your social life.
10 Someone is chasing you and you are racing to save your life. The gas pedal is slammed down to the floor but the damn car won’t go over 70 mph.

#Blogger #TopTen #electriccar

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When you have to trust someone with your life to drive you:
1 They pass not one but two slow moving vehicles. They jump in the fast lane like a Nascar driver and there is a tractor trailer you are playing chicken with. You see the grill but make it to your lane in the nick of time.
2 They say they are tired with two hours left of driving but won’t let you drive. It is your job to keep them awake so you sound like an auctioneer talking about nonsense.
3 They drive like a maniac because they need a bathroom but refuse to stop. Here use my bottle so you can drive normal.
4 Someone cuts them off and they drive like possessed demons because they won’t be satisfied until they catch up to them so they can make obscene gestures and offer to fight them.
5 Your driver has extreme road rage and you are so stressed out that you tell them to drop you off at the next bar. You will take your chances asking a stranger to take you home.
6 They weave in and out of traffic and you don’t have the heart to tell them they only gained an inch. They aren’t getting ahead because they are moving laterally.
7 They don’t slow down in the rain because they are an expert driver. You can’t see out of the windshield. You are hydroplaning so much that you don’t even know if you are on the road anymore.
8 You are driving with your kid who is learning how to drive but knows it all. They are going 60 because dad told them it’s legal to drive 10 miles over. OMG 😳 When they change lanes, they look over their shoulder and the car goes the same direction. WATCH OUT.
9 When the light turns green they floor it then slam on the brakes when they stop. Where am I? I hit my head on the dash.
10 They are more concerned about the radio and A/C and forget they are driving. Hello?! Can you wait til we stop?

#blogger #topten #driving

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Hundreds of channels and nothing to watch:
1 You can’t wait to tell your friends that you have 500 channels to watch. Really it’s 490 channels of crap and maybe 10 channels with something mildly interesting.
2 Who comes up with this programming Russian Yeti, Deadly Cults, Was I Really Kidnapped, Tighten Crepey Skin just to name a few. No thank you.
3 You are excited to have a movie channel but the selection has slim pickings. Out of 50 movies, only 5 are from 2019. Half are from the 90’s. Very disappointing. The point of a movie channel is so you don’t have to go to the movies because you can watch it at home.
4 Cable TV is like a time machine. Most of the shows you have seen before and have no interest in ever watching again.
5 It would be better just to have a handful of channels. Who feels like flipping through hundreds of channels to get to something half decent. You grow old waiting for something worthwhile to pop up. After you complete one revolution you decide to go to bed.
6 Streaming programs have the same problems plus it takes forever to find a show you like and then “No Stream Available ” pops up. Why you little $@!
7 Just program all of the channels for HD instead of having double programs for regular and HD. You can’t count those channels if they are duplicates. Annoying!
8 There’s plenty of reality TV on but it seems so scripted. You yell at her and she responds with a slap across your face followed by you stealing her man. The End.
9 The cable company forces us to pay for channels that we don’t watch. I don’t need ten Spanish channels. I don’t speak Spanish. I also don’t need to watch foreign sports teams. I have no idea who these people are!
10 You are streaming a football 🏈 game and your team is moving down the field. A big play is coming up and the game lags. Your tv freezes and you see a spinning circle. When it comes back on, the other team has the ball. What the hell happened? Tell me tell me.

#blogger #topten #cable

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Words and phrases that don’t mean what they say 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️:

1 funny bone – It’s not a bone that tells jokes and it’s actually a nerve, not a bone. When you hit your funny bone, it’s not even a little bit funny.
2 wedlock – honey, once you say I do you are locked into this FOREVER!!!
3 having your head in the clouds – now that’s one tall dude
4 yo-yo – Yo yo yo what’s up?
5 fire hydrant – Very scary. A permanent fixture that shoots out fire.
6 cracker – Sounds like a chiropractor.
7 paddleboard – I thought the board paddled itself. How disappointing.
8 inflammable – That should mean it’s safe and cannot catch fire. Hey buddy. I wouldn’t light that match next to the gas tank.
9 work like a dog – I want that job. My dogs have a life of luxury and leisure. Not much work being done there.
10 butterfly – A fly covered in butter.

#blogger #topten #words

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

You just get your carpets cleaned:

1 They look the same. You should be able to notice a difference. 👀 There should be some clue.
2 The truck barely pulls away and you catch your dog poppin a squat on the clean carpet.
3 By the looks of the old carpet you realize that you should have thrown it in the dumpster.
4 Your carpet looks and feels like a marsh after it is done. Too much water 💦 Squish squish
5 Your husband trudges in the house with his work boots 🥾 on. You start cursing 🤬 in Italian and you don’t even know Italian.
6 Your carpet stretched after cleaning and you have ripples through the house.
7 You clean a stain and think you did a great job then it reappears a few days later. It’s like a bad nightmare that refuses to go away.
8 You had to work and your neighbor said the workers were done in an hour. Wow a 4 bedroom house? Neighbor said they must be good. Um yea its the art of illusion as in they pretended to work. Abra Cadabra.
9 You have a clean carpet but now your walls are all scuffed up from the workers banging the hoses into your walls.
10 Your body decides to get a virus and revolt against you. You hurl all over the place like you are possessed by a demon. Time for wood floors!

#blogger #topten #carpetcleaning

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

House hunting adventures:

1 You watch so many home improvement shows that you walk through homes making comments as if you are speaking to an audience. You are very convincing with your fake TV knowledge.
2 People try to hide leaks in the ceiling and walls with fresh paint but you are like Sherlock Holmes and will get to the bottom of this.
3 The floor is uneven and seems tilted. Either you are in a fun house or someone spiked your drink.
4 The home feels so inviting with the music selection. There has to be a reason for the music. It is definitely hiding some kind of noise. Ohhh turns out you are right next to a major interstate and they were hoping you wouldn’t notice. Clever.
5 Candles are lit in every room of the house and has a very nice ambiance. I am getting suspicious of what they are covering up. Something stinks in here.
6 So you say I don’t have to be present for the inspection? You can’t trick me. I will be there with my pencil and paper. In fact I will bring my own inspector. Momma didn’t raise a fool.
7 Wow are these people kidding me? Their house is a pig sty and dishes are piled up in the sink. Good luck. This tells me that the owners have done zero upkeep. You don’t impress me much.
8 This house is absolutely beautiful. You find out that it is a rehab and the house is really from the 1940’s. Next.
9 You love everything about the house but at least a dozen houses are for sale on the street. Something doesn’t add up here.
10 The sellers want to stay while you look at their house. They promise you won’t even know they are there but pop up like jack in a boxes every time you ask the realtor a question. Stalker!

#blogger #topten #househunting

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Riding a horse for the first time:

1 You can’t remember how to stop the horse. You yelled STOP but that isn’t working.
2 Every time you try to mount the horse, it backs up or tries to leave without you.
3 The horse is cantering and you may need an ambulance when you get off of this horse. Your pelvis feels like it is in a boxing ring with Mike Tyson.
4 Oh boy you lost the reins. You try and throw your arms around the horse’s neck. He thanks you by throwing you to the ground.
5 You are slouching and your horse thinks you want to go faster because your weight is going forward. You are going so fast, you think someone must be chasing you.
6 You wear jeans and are paying the price because they are chafing you. YOW!
7 You are strangling the horse with the reins because you are holding on for dear life. Your horse isn’t liking you too much right now.
8 You are clenching your legs so hard that your horse takes off and you are bouncing like a yo-yo in yhe saddle.
9 You are looking all around instead of straight ahead. You do know that you are supposed to be steering not stargazing.
10 Your horse gets spooked by a ghost and runs for his life and starts bucking. You are like a rodeo bull rider trying to stay on. Down boy!

#blogger #topten #horseriding

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Community pool problems:
1 There are towels on all of the lounge chairs and those people are nowhere to be found. Umm who do you think you are special or something? If you aren’t in the pool or on site, you cannot save spots.
2 Some parents don’t pay attention to their kids and think it’s the lifeguard’s job to watch them. I don’t think so.
3 Some genius brings a glass and breaks it. Now you have to worry about walking in bare feet.
4 There are some who come in looking like they were playing in a pig pen. Do not use the pool as your private bath. Shower that stuff off!
5 You are trying not to get your hair wet and just trying to cool off a little and someone does a cannon ball in the pool and you are drenched. Now you look like a wet rat. Thanks kid!
6 A kid says, “Mommy I have to pee!” and then proceeds to jump in the pool. Oh no you don’t! The bathroom is a few steps away.
7 Teenagers are playing tag and running around the pool deck. You can’t relax because you are afraid that they are going to get hurt.
8 The chlorine is so strong that it looks like you smoked some wacky tobacky.
9 A person with a nasty rash just jumped in the pool. Don’t they do body checks at the door? Now we need disease control to come in.
10 I need a maintenance man to clean this pool pronto. There are so many bugs floating around that I am starting to think that the pool membership should be for bugs only.

#blogger #topten #communitypool

KC Avalon’s daily blog

Exorbitant college costs:
1 What’s with the extra fees? Activity fees? I have to pay for day camp?
2 Why does it cost $200,000 for four years? Are they giving him a company to run when he graduates?
3 I can’t wait to see the apartment I paid $15,000 for. Ohh..it’s compact and wait…only half of it is yours? Prisoners have a bigger cells!
4 It’s so expensive that students may die of old age before their loans are paid off.
5 Shouldn’t all the extras be included in the tuition like an all inclusive resort? I have to pay for books?
6 Cost of living increases are understandable but I must be living in Beverly Hills with these prices.
7 So if I cut out liberal arts courses and just take courses for my major, can I deduct fifty percent?
8 College is how much? I saved $30,000 and thought it would pay for all four years. Oh boy.
9 Are you hiring? I will work for you if you let my kid attend for free.
10 Yeah, we are going to need a much lower price. I need to downgrade to an econo room with jail food instead of cruise ship food and no activities. He is here to learn.

#blogger #topten #collegecosts

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Unrealistic movie or tv scenes:

1 You took an ass whoopin and are still getting up for more. If that was real you would be in the hospital or morgue.
2 The female is on her way to a fight and is wearing heels and her makeup is perfect. I don’t think so honey.
3 Going after the bad guy all alone. You know you can call the police.
4 Big scary scenes in schools or hospitals with no one in sight. What are the chances?
5 Kicking down doors with one kick or knocking someone out with one punch. What kind of steroids are you taking?
6 Fist fighting a group of guys and they wait their turn to hit you.
7 No one hearing a bunch of gun shots going off.
8 Cars flying off bridges and landing on the ground.
9 Buildings and cars blow up and the people running away from the explosion fly through the air and get up unscathed.
10 You have time to have sex before having to deal with the bad guy. Instead of being tired you are energized.

#blogger #topten #actionscenes

KC Avalon’s Romance Three in the Key

Book review for Three in the Key:

Not just another romance book, Three in the Key by KC Avalon, will whisk you away and take you on an amazing journey. Set in the present day, this book will definitely leads the way in modern romance literature. It’s exciting, interesting and a real page turner.

Our two lovers, Jacks and Sydney, are just like any other couple, or are they? I don’t want to spoil the story, but when you begin you’ll soon learn how difficult it is to have a normal love affair when you have been drafted to the NBA and you’re about to launch your career as a special needs teacher. Does that stop them? Oh no! I really like the way Jacks and Sydney fought through the downs and celebrated the ups of their relationship.

And boy do these two know how to get it on! Yes, this is a book for over 18’s, mature readers. There are explicit sex scenes so make sure no one is looking over your shoulder on the bus! But, don’t worry, these scenes in the book are well written and are not the least bit smutty.

True love never runs to course, as they say, and the same is true for Jacks and Sydney. Real tension and drama is introduced when Sydney’s life is threatened by someone who she hoped she would never see again – a psycho ex! Things become complicated and lives are on the brink of devastation. This part of the story really tests the couple’s love for each other. Without revealing these amazing events, all I can say is I couldn’t put the book down. The captivating storyline and incredible, well developed and relatable characters will keep readers glued to the pages.

If you love a good romance thriller, you are going to swoon over Three in the Key by KC Avalon. It’s fast paced, extremely well written and full of surprises. Book review for Three in the Key by KC Avalon read and written by Chick Lit Cafe. https://www.amazon.com/Three-Key-KC-Avalon-ebook/dp/B07TKWNHMC

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Shoes feel so great when you try them on at the store:

1 The next day the shoes are somehow smaller than they were at the store. Your feet have swollen to twice the size and your shoes may have to be cut off.
2 The bottom of the shoe is suddenly so slippery that you fall every time you take a step.
3 The backs of the shoes are rubbing against your skin and you hobble around the rest of the day.
4 Your boots are rubbing against your shins. When you take them off, you are covered in bruises and your leg hair is missing.
5 The shoe doesn’t seem to have any cushioning. You feel like you are walking on concrete with every step you take. Maybe the bottoms of your shoes fell off.
6 The peep toe style looked cute but turns out it is a torture chamber. You might only have four toes by the time you get home.
7 Your new flip flops have hard plastic. The skin between your toes is disappearing with every step you take.
8 The shoes are pointier than you remember. Your toes are being painfully squeezed together. You may walk like a penguin for the rest of your life.
9 The heels are so high on your open toe shoes that your foot is sliding downward and getting cut by the strappy design holding your feet in. It’s like barbed wire.
10 Those cute little slip on heels you bought are super dangerous in the rain. Your heel keeps slipping out and it will be a miracle if your ankles aren’t broken by the end of the day.

#blogger #topten #uncomfortableshoes

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

It’s hard to socialize with social distancing:

1 If you are trying to get with someone, it’s hard to make a move from six feet away.
2 You can’t whisper in someone’s ear. You have to text it.
3 You can’t ask your friend what’s going on in the movie. She is too far away.
4 You can’t play tag because the person keeps running away from you.
5 You invite a friend over to dinner and you each sit at the head of the table. It’s hard to the pass the food. It turns into a game of shuffleboard and some of the dishes crash to the floor.
6 You can’t pretend to drown so that the hot lifeguard can save you, because he is not allowed to touch you.
7 You go camping with friends but everyone has to sleep in their own tent. Ghost stories around the campfire are hard to do because you have to talk loud instead of in a low, creepy voice.
8 Sports teammates can’t sit on the bench together. They are spread out thru the arena.
9 You have to do drive bys for yard sales. You point at the items you like from your window and the person holds it up for you to see.
10 You have to wear gloves, a mask, and a fluid resistant gown to dance at the club. It’s hard to tell who is hot since everyone looks ridiculous. You can’t understand each other through the masks. It’s impossible to score with all of these clothes on.

#Blogger #topten #hardtosocialize

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Things you do when you keep dozing off:
1 You laugh once in a while to make it look like you were awake and paying attention.
2 You let out a little snort and then ask “What was that?” as if it wasn’t you.
3 You wake up with your mouth wide open. It’s as if you were trying to land a plane in there.
4 You scare yourself when the remote drops on the floor. You think someone is trying to break in.
5 Instead of going to bed you try to finish the show you were watching. You wake up hours later and end up having to rewatch the whole thing again anyway since you have no recollection of seeing it.
6 You get the sleepy ha ha’s and laugh at everything and anything.
7 You wake up on the couch in the morning needing a chiropractor and a masseuse.
8 You wake up trying to figure out what time it is and where everyone went.
9 You try and find enough energy to move the body parts to get you upstairs to your bed.
10 You get mad for wasting the night you had to yourself sleeping!

#blogger #topten #dozingoff

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Why Diets Can Fail:
1 You want to lose thirty pounds by the weekend and will do whatever it takes.
2 You get on the scale the day after starting your diet and are disappointed by the numbers. That’s it, I’m done.
3 You go on a diet the day before vacation and make everyone miserable including yourself. Just eat already.
4 You are so hungry by dinner that you pull up a chair to the refrigerator and dig in.
5 To lose weight you will not eat more than 500 calories a day. Period.
6 You want to lose weight without exercising.
7 You can’t understand why you aren’t losing weight after drinking a case of beer.
8 You trust a restaurant to feed you the right portions for your diet.
9 You forget to account for everything you ate. You already told yourself the candy bar was because you were stressed and the doritos were because you worked hard and deserved it.
10 You misread food labels and ate about 8 servings too many. Oh boy.

#blogger #topten #dietfails

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When your hearing isn’t great:
1 After asking the person to repeat themselves twice you just give up and laugh and hope that it is the appropriate response.
2 Your boss is a soft talker and you try and strain your ears to hear them. SPEAK UP!
3 It’s kind of fun because you hear words that change the whole story. At least you amuse yourself.
4 You become the person who yells WHAT? all the time. It’s exhausting.
5 It sounds like the person is speaking in a foreign language. Say what?
6 People think you have a lot of company because your tv is so loud.
7 People sound like they are talking with marbles in their mouth and you have no clue what they are trying to say.
8 You are out of luck because you can’t read lips.
9 People get aggravated when they have to repeat themselves and think you are doing it on purpose.
10 When you go to a romantic restaurant with your spouse, you have no idea what he is saying to you. His lips are moving pretty quick so it must be interesting.

#blogger #topten #canthear

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When your hearing isn’t great:
1 After asking the person to repeat themselves twice you just give up and laugh and hope that it is the appropriate response.
2 Your boss is a soft talker and you try and strain your ears to hear them. SPEAK UP!
3 It’s kind of fun because you hear words that change the whole story. At least you amuse yourself.
4 You become the person who yells WHAT? all the time. It’s exhausting.
5 It sounds like the person is speaking in a foreign language. Say what?
6 People think you have a lot of company because your tv is so loud.
7 People sound like they are talking with marbles in their mouth and you have no clue what they are trying to say.
8 You are out of luck because you can’t read lips.
9 People get aggravated when they have to repeat themselves and think you are doing it on purpose.
10 When you go to a romantic restaurant with your spouse, you have no idea what he is saying to you. His lips are moving pretty quick so it must be interesting.

#blogger #topten #canthear

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Ways to get rid of stress:
1 Walk home from work. Hope you live close.
2 Buy a puppy and act like you don’t know where it came from when your husband asks.
3 Quit your job and just pretend to go to work in the morning.
4 Every time something upsets you, say “Cheers” and take a shot. After a while nothing will bother you.
5 Throw something at the person stressing you out. They may not feel better but you will.
6 Slap someone and tell them it was a mosquito.
7 If you are stressed then reverse the word. It spells desserts. That makes me feel better already.
8 If you are on the phone at work and someone is yelling at you, hang up and go for a walk.
9 Take an afternoon nap. Your boss will not know what to say.
10 Fire the person stressing you out even if you aren’t the boss. Tell them you are making a citizen’s termination.

#blogger #topten #destress

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

terrible food when you were a kid:

1 Eating your delicious burger 🍔 only to have a disgusting round pickle in your next bite. Where did that come from?
2 Biting into a chocolate covered cherry thinking it was solid chocolate. What the heck did you just bite into?
3 Eating a chocolate chip cookie only to find out the hard way it is raisins. Yuk!
4 Wheat bread tasted like it had dirt and saw dust in it. If this is healthy, I don’t want anything healthy.
5 Fish smelled like it came straight from a trash can. It never made it to your mouth.
6 Lentil beans tasted like rich vitamins. No thank you.
7 Wrinkly green peas tasted like skin on the outside and mushy on the inside.
8 Sunny side up eggs with yolk running all over the plate. May I be excused?
9 Cranberry sauce out of a can looked like jello but was bitter and unappealing.
10 Oatmeal looked like someone got sick in your bowl and didn’t smell much better. Why can’t you have cereal like a normal kid?

#blogger #topten #foodkidshate

KC Avalon’s Daily’s Blog

Unwritten rules where I work:
1 Don’t even think about putting that work on my desk. Keep walking if you know what’s good for you. That’s right.
2 Do you see your momma working here? No. Okay You need to clean up after your damn self!
3 Don’t finish the last cup of coffee and try and sneak away. You better make another pot.
4 Don’t let me walk around all day looking ridiculous with something in my teeth, gook in my eye, runny eyeliner, hair sticking up, etc. Tell me so I can fix it.
5 Don’t park in someone’s unmarked parking spot. You know they park there every day so find your own spot.
6 Don’t make anyone work past 12 or they will get hangry.
7 Don’t bring in a delicious dessert unless you have enough for everyone.
8 Don’t put fish in the microwave! Disgusting.
9 If you are done your work, help someone else out. Don’t dare shop online!
10 If you are coming to work to bitch and complain, stay home. Honey, we all have problems.

#blogger #topten #unwrittenworkrules

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When your picnic doesn’t turn out quite the way you planned:
1 An army of 🐜 ants decides to join the party.
2 Bees 🐝 start chasing you and you spend the whole time running.
3 A seagull waits until you set up your picnic. He calls his friends to tell them lunch is ready. They swoop in and you are left with crumbs.
4 You packed lunch for four people but there is a kid waiting for food that you never met before.
5 You set up everything under a pavilion. The ranger politely waits until you are finished setting up then tells you the area is reserved. Very funny.
6 You decide to sit in the grass to become one with nature. You wake up the next day with poison ivy.
7 It’s much windier than you thought. Lunch turns into chase after your food, plates, napkins, cups.
8 You put ice in the cooler instead of ice packs. Everyone’s sandwich is soggy.
9 You have delicious food and snacks but no napkins.
10 You have to go to the bathroom but there’s no bathroom in sight.

#blogger #topten #picnic

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog – When you are lost: 1 We were camping on the beach for soccer, and I had to go to the bathroom. On the way back everything was dark and I couldn’t see the color of any tents. Suddenly a man started snoring like a grizzly bear, and I fell out laughing for the longest time. Thank God my husband was with me, or I would still be roaming around. After I suffered a little, he showed me the way.
2 We were at a campground, and I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. The restroom area was lit up, and it seemed very easy to get back to the tent. The problem was that I went without my glasses and when I came out every direction looked the same (pitch black), and there was more than one exit. I tried calling out my husband’s name, but the place was so quiet. I eventually found my tent after about a half hour.
3 Before GPS I would stop and ask for directions. It always seemed like they gave me a whole list of turns, so I would go as far as I could remember and stop again. After 20 stops or so I would get to where I was going. Somehow it always felt like a treasure hunt.
4 When I was younger my father didn’t like to stop for directions and would blame it on us if we got lost, because we didn’t tell him the right way. Well it seems like we were going in circles and would ask “Didn’t we pass that before?” and he would say “NO! Don’t tell me” 🧐🤣
5 When you take the wrong turn out of the City and end up on the Schuylkill for miles because it is under construction and you are in the left lane which was like a cattle shute.
6 When you really get lost and have no idea where you are, and the locals have no idea where New Jersey is. Where the hell am I?
7 When you have a split-second to make a decision on which direction to go and it is the wrong one, but there is no place to turn around. Change of plans!
8 When you don’t know your North’s from your South’s and somehow end up going West.
9 Back in the day when you tried to help with directions only to realize that you had the map upside down 🤦🏻‍♀️
10 When you are driving on a one-way street, you wonder why these idiots are going the wrong way then realize you are the idiot. REVERSE!

#blogger #topten #lost

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

If someone cuts in line in front of you:
1 Hit them with your cart. Whoops!
2 Tell them you have a gun as you point your finger into their back.
3 Hey buddy, the front of the line is back there.
4 Yell fire!
5 Grab their wallet so they can’t pay.
6 Say “I know what you did.” in your most menacing voice.
7 Cut in front of them.
8 Say “Oh are you in such a hurry you can’t wait like the rest of us?”
9 Say “Oh no you didn’t! Am I invisible or something?”
10 Keep coughing and don’t stop until they get out of line.

#blogger #topten #linecutter

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When people invade your personal space:
1 Keep your meat hooks to yourself. This isn’t a date.
2 For every step back you take, they advance forward. Do you know how to take a hint? Dummy.
3 You shouldn’t be close enough where I can see the spit bubbling up on your lip.
4 I guess you don’t you see my invisible bubble. Get out.
5 You are standing so close that my spidey senses are tingling. Not one step closer or you will feel my foot kicking you in the ass.
6 Hey buddy, back it up. I don’t need to know what you ate for lunch.
7 Excuse me airport security, you better buy me dinner before you continue patting me down.
8 Can you stop leaning over me? Your boobs in my back feel like a stickup.
9 A big person sits next to you on the train and spreads out. So glad you are comfortable. Meanwhile my arms are pinned to my sides and I am cramping up. Help!
10 I don’t recall inviting you into my space so get outta my face.

#blogger #topten #spaceinvaders

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Happy Mother’s Day!! Today it is your right to drive your kiddos a little crazy with some role reversal.
1 Wait until they sit down and get nice and comfy then ask for something to eat or drink.
2 Take their car out and use all of their gas so they have to fill up their car next time they drive it.
3 Since they never write down when they use the last of something, hide all the batteries so that they are out of luck when their controller turns off. Too bad.
4 Talk non stop when they are watching their favorite show.
5 Leave your stuff all over their play room floor and see how they like it.
6 Tell someone what your kid said about them or rat on them to dad.
7 Jump up and down on their bed when they are sleeping.
8 Bust in on them when they are in the bathroom.
9 Ignore them when they call your name and make them repeat themselves a few times.
10 Put saran wrap over the toilet so that it gets everywhere when they pee. It’s not like they can hit the target anyway.

#blogger #mothersday #topten

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Baby Sitting for a living:

1 You are hoping the kids sleep the entire time, but they have more energy than five Red Bulls. Oh yay.
2 You don’t know what the kid ate, but they did number two and it exploded all over them. Oh gross! I will just call the fire department to hose him off. That’s why you pay taxes.
3 You went outside for a second and the kid locked you out. You get so stressed out playing negotiator with her and give into her bribe for $20 to let you back in. If you didn’t know better, the whole thing smells like a setup.
4 The kid is a monster and refuses to listen. Two hours feels like two days. You will never ever have kids. NEVER.
5 The kid tells you they are allowed to watch rated R movies. The parents come home and are horrified and ask you not to come back again.
6 You put the kid in timeout but he won’t stay. You tie him to the chair with rope and tape his mouth shut so you don’t have to listen to the back talk. The parents don’t pay you and threaten to call the police.
7 You take the kid with you to run errands. You are cool so you let the four year old sit in the front seat with you. You return later that night. The parents came home hours ago and are furious. Geeze a thank you would be sufficient.
8 You teach the kid how to play beer pong. Mom and dad are not amused.
9 “These two were not getting along all night so I just let them fight it out. This one didn’t do so good. You might want to get him boxing lessons.”
10 “The food in the fridge wasn’t all for me? SORRY! Maybe you should label it next time if you don’t want me to eat it.”

#Blogger #Babysitting #TopTen

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Bad luck for your driving test:

1 A 🐝 bee flies in while you are driving and you totally lose it and start swerving all over the road and almost kill your driving instructor.
2 You take a car to your driving test that you have never driven before and are unfamiliar with it. Nothing goes right, especially when you use the fancy backup camera. Big no no.
3 You take off before your instructor is strapped in and try to stop real quick. You instructor bangs his head on the dash.
4 You try and show off your defensive driving skills and knock over all of the cones. At least you were consistent.
5 You sneeze and throw off your rhythm. Out of nervousness you floor the gas pedal instead of hitting the brake.
6 Getting a call during your driving test and answering it to tell the person you will call them back after your test. Please take the call now. You failed!
7 It’s pouring and you can’t see anything. Instead of slowing down, you roll through some stop signs. No big deal right? Wrong.
8 Coming to a four way stop 🛑 last and thinking it’s okay to go first since you have someone important in the car.
9 When you think you are too good of a driver to check your mirrors. You are confident that the coast is clear. Big dummy.
10 You have to merge onto a road and use the entrance ramp to speed up. You think the faster you go the easier it will be to blend in.

#TopTen #blogger #DrivingTestFails

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Bad Hair Days:
Some days even your hair doesn’t want to cooperate.
1 You over condition your hair and it looks like you washed it with Crisco.
2 You straighten your bangs but it’s humid out. The next time you look in the mirror, your bangs transformed into a handlebar mustache.
3 You blow dry your hair and it looks like a frizzy rat’s nest.
4 You try to get away with not wetting your head and your hair looks worse than bed head. You look like a homeless person that slept on a park bench.
5 Your cowlick is in rare form and stands straight up no matter what you do. Down boy.
6 You buy cheap gel to save money. Maybe you should have opened your wallet a little more because your hair isn’t holding up at all.
7 You have fine hair and you try to make it look fuller by adding layers. Now you look like you have a mullet.
8 You put your hair in a ponytail and it looks pathetically small. Everyone that walks past you wants to say, “Poor thing” to your hair.
9 You part your hair in a different spot than normal. Your hair protests by doing whatever it wants.
10 You start straightening your hair but it feels like it is taking hours. Your arms feel like they are going to fall out of their sockets. Now you have half straight and half curly hair. You look ridiculous.

#blogger #topten #badhair

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

You Might Be Turning Into Your Mother if:

1 You find something at the curb that ends up being your greatest find
2 You want to clean
3 You cry waching commercials
4 You hate wasting things
5 You get frustrated with technology
6 You are all about using coupons
7 You yell at cars to slow down
8 You love your big comfy robe
9 You ditch high heels for comfy shoes
10 You make your friends call or text you so you know they got home safely

#TopTen #Mom #blogger

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

You Might Fail Army Bootcamp if:

1 You need to have the last word
2 You need swimmies in the pool
3 They wake you up at 4 a.m. and you tell the sergeant you just went to bed
4 Your sergeant yells and points at you and you slap his hand away telling him it’s rude to point.
5 When you are told to clean the floor on your hands and knees and you ask for a Swiffer.
6 You show up to camp with long hair and refuse to get it cut.
7 You ask your instructor if he is deaf because he always yells
8 You are told to climb the rope and you ask where the knots are to make climbing easier
9 You ask when you get to shoot something
10 You show up to the morning run in flip flops and swim trunks

#TopTen #bootcamp #blogger

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When You Retire and are Bored (from internet top 10 site

-At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses and point a hair dryer at passing cars
-On all your check stubs, write, ‘For Marijuana’
-Skip down the street rather than walk and see how many looks you get
-Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat and be serious about it
-Sing along at the opera
-When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I won, I won”
-When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot while yelling, “Run for your lives! They’re loose!”
-Tell your children over dinner: “Due to the economy, we’re going to have to let one of you go”
-Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is.
-Go to a department store fitting room and yell, “There’s no toilet paper in here”

#blogger #topten #retired

KV Avalon’s Daily Blog

If Dogs Could Talk They Would Say:
1 “Are you kidding me? You get steak and I get dog food!”
2 “Get that costume off of me or I will poop on your pillow”
3 “Fetch it yourself. You need the exercise more than I do.”
4 “Yank my leash one more time and I will run full speed so you look like an idiot in front of your friends.”
5 “I listen to you yap all day long. I bark a couple times and you tell me to shut up. You have some nerve.”
6 “Don’t call me in when I am putting my moves on the hooches.”
7 “I think our idea of a treat is completely different. A good boy deserves something big.”
8 “If you would stop leaving me, I would stop eating your shoes.”
9 “If you want to take me for a ride, you need to stop driving like you just robbed a bank.”
10 “Stop calling me poopsie whoopsie in public.”

#TopTen #DogTalk #blogger

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Signs you spend too much time with your dog:
1 You refer to yourself in the third person when talking to your dog
2 Your dog is your baby
3 You turn down plans so you can hang out with your dog
4 If your dog falls asleep in your lap, you won’t move no matter how uncomfortable you are
5 You miss your dog when you are at work
6 Your dog has more outfits than your husband
7 Your dog is on your xmas card instead of the kids
8 You take home leftovers for the dog.
9 Your dog sleeps in your bed
10 You talk to your dog more than people

#TopTen #dogs #blogger

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

The older I get, the less scared I prefer to be
But here are some things People pay for to Get
Scared on Purpose:

1 Haunted Houses (No way! Jump out at me and you might get slapped)
2 Amusement Park Rides (This one is not so bad, but I don’t like to spin in circles at high speeds. I already forget where I am without spinning.)
3 Skydiving (Say what? Jump from the safety of a plane? Do I look like a bird?)
4 Mountain Climbing (There better be a stack of money at the top if I have to climb)
5 Bungy Jump (Boing, boing, don’t think so)
6 Running of the Bulls (Oh hell no. I better be armed)
7 Rodeo Bull Riding (Sure make the bull angry then send me to my death)
8 Cliff Diving (Where’s the water again?)
9 White Water Rafting (Grab your knees and kiss your ass goodbye? Nah)
10 Hang Gliding (I would love to do this but you would probably find me wrapped around a tree somewhere)

#TopTen #AdrenalineRush #NoThanks #blogger

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Best Car Closing Lines:

1 This car is so fun to drive. I would feel horrible if you had to drive your old car home.
2 Listen, I will throw in a full tank of gas so your first ride will be a long one.
3 Sure this car is a little over your monthly budget, but you will easily save this amount in gas.
4 Hey, is your company hiring? If I go any lower, I am going to need a new job.
5 Imagine yourself in this fast, hot car with the top down. Your friends will be so envious. I mean, you can save $50 a month with the Prius, but your friends will be looking at you for a different reason.
6 That couple over there really wants the same car you are looking at right now. If you put a deposit down right now, the car is yours.
7 Let me tell you, the vehicle is loaded. The only thing missing is you in the driver’s seat.
8 Everyone wants to save some money. This is a great vehicle. You work hard and deserve to treat yourself. If you don’t, no one else will.
9 I want to make this as simple as possible for you. If you sign the paperwork, I will deliver the vehicle to your door personally when it is ready.
10 As far as deals go, you pretty much hit a grand slam. You better sign the paperwork as quick as possible, before they realize their mistake.

#TopTen #CarClosingLines #Funny #blogger

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When you don’t expect a Pop Quiz:

1 Your mind immediately goes blank and you cannot think to save your life.
2 There is a ticking time bomb in your head or Jeopardy music to remind you that you are running out of time.
3 You only get good grades when you study, and you have no clue what is on this quiz. No fair!!
4 You want to get the best grade possible. You are regretting not sitting next to someone smarter since you are looking off of their paper.
5 Your teacher or professor is evil. They are purposely trying to catch you off guard, and you don’t appreciate it one bit. Someone is going to have flat tires. Surprise!
6 Just because you are in a bad mood doesn’t give you the right to take it out on me.
7 So you want to know how smart I am? If this wasn’t timed, I would give you a piece of my mind right now and tell you what I really think of your stupid quiz.
8 I will forgive you for being inconsiderate if you tell me that this quiz doesn’t count towards my grade.
9 Hey genious, tell me when we are having a quiz and I will be ready for it. How bout that?
10 I am afraid this isn’t a good time for me. My hands are shaking, my palms are sweaty, and I am hyperventilating. This quiz might just kill me!

#TopTen #PopQuiz #blogger

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

You finally have a night to yourself. What will you do?

1 Clean? NO WAY! I can think of a million things better to do.
2 Go to the beach? Can’t see anything at night. Would have been the perfect “day to myself” thing to do.
3 I decided to eat a meal at the new restaurant in town. Oh this is super awkward. I have no one to talk to and if I look up, the table next to me thinks I am a stalker. Waitress can I have a to go container?
4 I am going to dye my hair and look on the computer for vacation spots while it processes. Oh God I left it on 15 minutes too long. My hair is jet black with zero highlights. I look like goth girl.
5 I started out the night weeding and planting flowers 🌺. What in God’s name is that on my hand. Spider!!! I threw the shovel through the front window and my neighbors are staring at me like I am crazy!! I’m done.
6 I am trying this meditation stuff but my mind is racing. The meditation guy is talking like he is stoned out of his mind. Somebody forgot to pass me the peace pipe.
7 I know. Shopping! Oh I only have $20. I might be able to buy half a shirt. Nevermind. It would be the world’s quickest shopping trip.
8 Karaoke. I am singing into a microphone and dancing on the couch. My kid comes in and says, “What the hell are you doing?” So much for the night alone.
9 Go to the park? Well it just so happens to be allergy season. You had a great walk but now you have itchy eyes, your nose is running, and you are sneezing your head off. achoo 🤧
10 I guess I will just watch a movie. You wake up 4 hours later. Your night is over and you have nothing to show for it. Oh well there is always next time.

#blogger #TopTen #NightToYourself

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Beauty and grooming blunders:

1 Cutting your toenail too short and being reminded with every step you take. Ouchie.
2 Using hair remover on your eyebrows instead of plucking. You get a little carried away and are missing part of an eyebrow. Now you look like a freak.
3 You cut yourself shaving and it looks like you lost a battle with a meat hook.
4 Tanning yourself naturally and falling asleep with your hand on your arm or leg and now you have an imprint. Worse yet, you don’t take off your sunglasses and have big white circles around your eyes like our fearless leader.
5 Having dandruff and not using Head & Shoulders. Your hair looks like it had a blizzard.
6 Pulling skin off your lip when it is chapped. Now it looks gross and it burns every time you eat or drink. That’s what lip balm is for.
7 Going for a bikini wax and hurting for days after. It hurts to walk and sit and getting waxed felt worse than a torture chamber,
8 You are using your curling iron and smell hair burning. When you pull the curling iron away, the piece of hair that you were curling is still attached to it. Uh oh.
9 You pop a pimple to make it go away. Now it looks like a volcano..
10 When you are a hairy guy and you do not groom your body hair. Listen if you go into the woods and someone tries to shoot you because they think you are a bear, you need to shave.

#TopTen #blogger #grooming

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Uncomfortable moments at the gym:
1 Using the abductor machine and making eye contact with the cutest guy in the gym. Great your legs are wide open when he smiles at you. You just gave him the wrong impression. Good job!
2 taking a sip of water while running on the treadmill. Instead of it hitting your mouth, it is all down the front of you.
3 Seeing someone you know who wants to chit chat while you look like an unattractive sweaty wreck.
4 Laying on your stomach while bringing up your legs on a machine and the personal trainer is trying to get your attention. Please go away.
5 You go to the locker room and someone is parading around in their birthday suit. I am so glad you are in love with your body but I really don’t want to see it. Please get dressed.
6 When the drill sargent instructor decides to shame you in front of the class. Excuse me dick, I don’t pay for you to insult me so you better giddy up.
7 When skinny show offs prance around for everyone else to see. You don’t even eat enough to go to a gym. GET OUT.
8 You are sweating out of every pore of your body at spin class. You have to hold on tight to avoid slipping off of the bike.
9 When you have no clue how to use a machine but attempt it anyway and use it wrong. Woopsie.
10 Walking away from the treadmill while your headphones are still plugged in. You feel like you are being lassoed back.

#blogger #topten #gymmoments

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

What cures a bad mood:
1 Hang out with and cuddle with your pet and your stress melts away.
2 Music really soothes the soul and calms the beast.
3 Receiving a present. If that isn’t going to happen, go shopping and treat yourself to an outfit.
4 Driving to the beach. It feels like vacation and makes you happy instantly.
5 Watch a funny movie and laugh out your bad mood.
6 Throw some air punches or hit a punching bag.
7 Go to the golfing range and hit some balls. Pretend it is the person who made you mad.
8 Have some ice cream. it will make your belly happy.
9 Buy yourself some flowers. They are so pretty and happy looking.
10 Take a day off from work and play hooky like the good old days.

#blogger #topten #moodbooster

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

If I had a dime for every time I _, I would be rich.
1 lost my phone
2 messed up a saying
3 bounced off a curb (fixed that one with Lasik)
4 cooked with the kitchen looking like a tornado hit it
5 rolled my eyes
6 hit the snooze button like a game show contestant
7 trip over my own two feet
8 put my foot 🦶 in my mouth 👄
9 dropped the F bomb 💣
10 said what but should have skipped it because I heard something completely ridiculous 😂

#blogger #topten #ifihadadime

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Rhetorical questions with answers:
1 “Why did I do that? How stupid am I?” Your response: “Well now that you mention it … you might want to sit down for this.”
2 “How are you?” We are really supposed to say fine but what if you want to expand on the normal answer? It’s impossible to be fine every day! Unfortunately there is no one around to listen!
3 “Can you do anything I ask?” Your response “When I get to it. Since you aren’t paying me, I will do it when I get around to it.”
4 “Since you have so much to say, would you like to teach the class today?” Your response, “Well I would definitely be more interesting, and there would be no homework.”
5 “Do you plan on being ready today?” Your response “Maybe you should be spending a little more time in the bathroom. You could use more work.”
6 “It sure is hot today, isn’t it?” Your response “No shit Sherlock! Don’t you see the makeup melting off of my face.”
7 “How many times do I have to tell you?” Your response “Why don’t you tell me one more time.”
8 “Why did you marry me?” Your response “Well I thought you had money since you came from a rich town. Then I thought you were holding out on me. Now I realize you don’t have two dimes to rub together.”
9 “Is this some kind of joke?” Your response “Well it is hilarious for me. Obviously you aren’t getting a kick out of it.”
10 “How many times do I have to tell you no running in the house?” Your response “Don’t bother since I don’t listen anyway.”

#blog #blogger #topten #rhetoricalquestions