KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Don’t Rush to be a Grownup:
1 You can mismatch your outfits when you are a kid and be cute. If you are an adult, people give you strange looks with a raised eyebrow or two.
2 You are encouraged to play as much as possible when you are a kid. When grownups try and play, people tell them to grow up and act their age. No fun!!
3 Everyone buys things for you when you are a kid. As soon as you are old enough to shave, your parents want you to start paying some bills.
4 It’s great to use your imagination when you are a kid. Try it as a grownup and you are accused of daydreaming.
5 You can be silly and carefree as a kid. If a grownup does it, they are accused of drinking or using drugs.
6 When you are a kid you can’t sleep because you are excited about something. As an adult, you can’t sleep because of stress.
7 You don’t have to make your own decisions as a kid. Everyone else makes things happen. You just have to show up. As an adult, you have hundreds of decisions a day to make. Frankly, it is tiring!
8 You can dream to be whatever you want as a kid. Nothing is impossible. As an adult, people are quick to tell you only two percent of the population actually make it and to be more realistic with your goals.
9 As a kid, you are encouraged to take a nap even though you really don’t want one. You would rather play. As an adult, you would love to take a nap but your boss keeps waking you up with an angry look on his face and hands on his hips. Make up your mind!
10 You are always put at the kid’s table when you are young. You wait for years to go to the grown-up table. You finally get there as an adult and all they talk about are medical issues and medicines. You take your plate and go back to the kid’s table.

#TopTen #Grownup #funny #blog

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

I’m here for the party! Where’s it at?
1 What? No alcohol? This isn’t a party, it’s more like a retreat. What do you mean it’s a kids party?
2 No meat! Vegetarian food? Who has a barbecue without burgers? Your neighbor has a cow. I’m going to need to borrow that gun. I will be right back. Warm up the grill.
3 You never said I had to dress up. The invite said black tie affair? Yea I thought that was the name of the caterers.
4 No music? This isn’t a party! You can’t possibly expect me to talk to these people all night. Move over. I’m gonna be the DJ.
5 So nice to meet you. Did you catch that football game the other night? You don’t like sports? Nice talking to you.
6 So when is everyone else getting here? There was only 2 other couples coming and they cancelled? That’s not a party. You tricked me!
7 Everyone is on their phone and no one is socializing. What do I have to text these people to get them to talk?
8 You are making me take off my shoes before I come In? I can tell this is going to be lame, so I am just going to take myself and my shoes back to my car. Cya later.
9 Everyone is laying around watching TV and looking bored. Maybe I can leave before anyone sees me.
10 The party is over? It’s 11 o’clock. We are just getting started. What do you mean you have to get up early tomorrow? Maybe I should drop you off to your mommy’s house.

#blog #topten #funny #herefortheparty

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

It should be illegal to:
1 Pay at the store in change only and slowly count it out. Damn you messed me up. Now I have to start all over. 1,2…
2 Too much PDA. I think PDA is cute but you don’t need to eat each other’s face off and grope each other in public.
3 Drive on the road if you can’t go over 25 and have the nerve to stay in the fast lane. Put the pedal to the medal or give me your keys. You’re done.
4 Block the sidewalk with your car so that you have to go into the street when taking a stroll. Maybe I will just crawl over your car to prove a point.
5 Putting your knees or feet into the back of my chair at the movies or on a plane. I have half a mind to get up and thump you one.
6 To get your teeth whitened so much that people lose their vision when you smile Bright light!
7 To go to the food counter without knowing what you want to order and holding up the line trying to decide. End of the line buddy!
8 To go hunting when everything scares you and you get trigger happy and unload the entire magazine.
9 To take off your shoes if your feet look like you grew up in the wild and you need a grinder to cut your toenails
10 For your husband to need more mirror time than you

#TopTen ShouldBeIllegal #Blog #Funny

KC Avalon’s Romance

Imagine meeting a man who you thought only existed in your dreams. He is remarkable in every way and you share an intense longing for one another. You are guaranteed a lifetime of happiness, or so you think until you find out there is competition. He is being drafted by the NBA. Can you handle loving a man whose fame threatens your happiness? Will he give in to temptation or you? Find out now in this book that you will not be able to put down until you get to the last page. The story Is set in Sea Isle City, NJ, and is a perfect summer beach read. https://www.amazon.com/Three-Key-KC-Avalon-ebook/dp/B07TKWNHMC

#beachread #romance #contemporary #love

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Why It Is Great To Be A Guy:
1 Phone conversations last 30 seconds
2 The world is your pee ground
3 Haircuts cost $20 including tip
4 There is never a line at the Men’s Room
5 You miss the toilet but don’t have to clean it
6 You only need one backpack for vacation
7 You don’t have a time of the month
8 It’s ok to go gray because it adds character
9 You can take your shirt off if you are hot
10 It’s ok to watch tv in silence with your buddy. He won’t think you are mad.

#blog #topten #funny #guys

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Advice for meeting her parents for the first time:
1 If you bring a bottle of wine, don’t drink the whole bottle yourself.
2 Don’t tell her mom, “Now I know where your daughter gets her hotness from.”
3 A ratty tee shirt and ripped up jeans is not proper attire for a good first impression.
4 Don’t grope your girlfriend in front of her parents.
5 Try not to answer for your girlfriend and dominate the conversation being a know it all.
6 You don’t want to kiss the dad’s ass but definitely do not disagree with everything he says.
7 Her parents probably know you are sleeping together, but there is no need to confirm it.
8 Mind your manners. You shouldn’t chew with you mouth open and burp loudly.
9 If you don’t like the meal being served, suck it up. Don’t spit it out or say it is awful.
10 And most importantly, do not lie. If you plan on staying with your girlfriend, they will find out about all of your lies.

#TopTen #MeetingtheParents #blog #funny

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Lost without my phone. Without it:
1 I wouldn’t wake up in the morning. Am I the only person whose internal clock is busted?
2 I wouldn’t be able to call anyone because I don’t memorize any phone numbers. Not being able to text is even worse. I need my questions answered right away and I am prompt with getting back to people. Now they will think I was abducted.
3 I wouldn’t be able to ask Siri a bunch of useless questions that no one else cares about but me. When I can’t remember an actor’s name, I don’t have to wait a couple days until I remember. I also like yelling at Siri when she makes me mad.
4 I wouldn’t be able to buy something the second I mention it. It would be torture to wait until later, especially since I would forget about it by then. I need instant gratification.
5 I wouldn’t be able to make plans since there would be no way to call or send messages. Oh no! I am solo.
6 I wouldn’t be able to find anything to do since all of my events are on facebook. I guess I could drive around aimlessly and look for a place with a lot of cars outside.
7 Something great would happen and then I wouldn’t have my camera to capture the moment.
8 I wouldn’t be able to listen to music and I would be all alone with my thoughts.
9 I would have no clue what the date or time was. Forget about navigation too. I would have to follow the north star.
10 I would have separation anxiety since it allows me to have a wealth of information at my fingertips.

#blog #topten #funny #nophone

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Things I wonder:
1 Why do people use the words well done for their meat? That would make you think it cooked perfectly when in fact it is a burnt piece of rubber. A well done piece of meat needs to be chewed until your teeth ache.
2 Why don’t planes have parachutes? Am I really expected to jump with a flotation device? What if I am not near any water? Will I see a mirage?
3 Why do people say work like a dog when they sit on their ass all day? That sounds like a vacation.
4 What’s the deal with training bras? What exactly is the bra training the boobs to do? I am still waiting for them to grow.
5 Did someone mix up the names for Greenland and Iceland because Greenland is cold and icy and Iceland has mild weather?
6 Who decided that the work week is supposed to be 5 days? Must have been an over achiever. Is there any way to appeal this decision? Why do we all go along with it?
7 Why does happy hour have to be between 5 and 6 pm? Maybe I am happy at a different time. I think I should be able to choose.
8 Why is it called a brainstorm when you think real hard? Are we pushing our brains into overdrive? Is there a danger of our brain exploding from the overuse?
9 If a business says that they are going to treat you like family, doesn’t that make you want to run? To me, that means you are about to be tortured during your stay and have to do everything yourself.
10 Why do people say “Bless your heart” if they aren’t really trying to be nice? I used to think that was so sweet until someone said it is mean to be an insult. Why not just say piss off?

#blog #topten #funny #thingsiwonder

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

When you get a gift and have none to exchange. You politely excuse yourself for a bathroom trip:
1 You trip trying to run up the stairs as quick as possible. You rummage through your closet with clothes flying everywhere and move on to the jewelry box to see if you have anything with a tag still on it.
2 You throw the contents of your handbag on the floor praying that there is a gift card in one of the compartments that you forgot to use.
3 Next, you run down the hall to see if there is any unused body wash. No luck.
4 Then it hits you that maybe you have some perfume. You go to your special drawer and search. Everything is used. Why do you have to be a fragrance junkie?
5 Oh! You might have some candles. Perfect. Then you remember your friend is a pain in the ass who is sensitive to anything overly scented.
6 You are beginning to sweat and frantically try to come up with a solution. Your husband has the secret stash of money in his drawer. He has no idea that you know about it. You look underneath his socks and NOTHING!! He is on to you and moved it.
7 Then you remember your friend likes to read. On to the bookcase in the study. You find the perfect book but it isn’t going to be enough.
8 It shouldn’t be a problem since you can give it to her with a bottle of wine. You open the wine cabinet to find it empty. Unfortunately, you and your husband are apparently alcoholics who drink everything in sight.
9 You grab one of the plants in your house in desperation or go out to your garden and pick flowers. You have to crawl under the window so that you are undetected.
10 Of course, there is no gift wrap so you improvise with aluminum foil and are proud because the present looks fancy now.
Your friend smiles as you return to the room with your gift and you say, “I am so sorry to keep you waiting. My stomach is a mess!

#blog #funny #topten #nogift

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Eating outside at a restaurant isn’t as elegant as it seems
1 If it’s windy you are too busy holding things down to enjoy your meal. It’s more like work.
2 Flies strategically maneuver like F-22 fighter jets to get to your food and are relentless.
3 The sky suddenly opens up in the middle of your dinner for a shower you never asked for and you feel like a drowned rat.
4 It’s so hot that your clothes are sticking to you and you are sticking to the seat.
5 Your hair is long and the wind blows your hair in your face as you take a bite of food. Now you have a mouthful of food wrapped in hair. Yummy.
6 You miss out on the ambiance of the restaurant. You are on the outside looking in. It’s like being stuck at the kid’s table hearing the adults having a good time in the other room.
7 You get a whiff of something that smells like a sewer and immediately lose your appetite. Check, please.
8 If you are outdoors down the shore, you now have seagulls to deal with. If you thought flies were bad, these beach chickens are well trained at getting people’s food.
9 The chairs are very uncomfortable. You have a great meal but now need a chiropractor for your back.
10 You are on vacation at the beach and are dressed for extremely warm weather. The sun sets and it now feels like fall and you don’t have enough clothes for your body. Your teeth are chattering out of your mouth and you need to huddle up next to a bonfire. You settle for hoodies at the souvenir shop across the street that you send your husband to buy.

#blog #funny #topten #outdoordining

KC Avalon’s Funny Blog

Driving with your kid when they have their permit:
1 They look over their shoulder to check lanes and the car goes in the same direction. (In the name of the father, son…)
2 Following too close and stopping at the very last second. (Mom you are overreacting as usual. I had plenty of time. Meanwhile you are thinking that you prefer not to be a crash test dummy)
3 Telling you every rule they learned in driver’s ed and how they are already a much better driver than you. (In your dreams)
4 Speeding because they play Grand Theft Auto on Xbox. (I’m really not speeding. Everyone else is going faster than me. The cops will get them first.)
5 They think putting on the right music is more important than driving. (Hello? We are not sitting in the family room. News flash! Your are driving so DRIVE)
6 Changing lanes without checking the blind spot. (Someone thinks they are invincible. No it is not their fault for hiding. Check your mirror)
7 Waiting to make a left and being overly cautious. Meanwhile traffic is backing up behind you and horns are honking. He flips the bird. (OMG you cannot give people the finger! I am only doing it because you do it Mom. Lord help me)
8 They think yellow means go faster. (Son, yellow means slow down. Well that’s stupid. I still have time.)
9 Whipping the car into parking spots. (You see your life flash before your eyes and wonder how many auto repair shops you will have to pay for all of the cars he will hit.)
10 Slamming on the brakes instead of coasting. (Thanks for the whiplash)
Bonus – Yelling at your kid for almost hitting someone and they get out of the car in the middle of traffic and tell you they are done. True story.

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

What makes you instantly dislike someone:
1 The person constantly talks about themself and begrudgingly throws you a question now and then. If you are lucky, you will get a sentence out before Mimi takes over the conversation.
2 You just meet the person and they say something inappropriate and vulgar. Ewww not impressed.
3 The person hits on your man knowing that he is taken but treating it like a challenge. I’m gonna give you til the count of three before I chase you down.
4 The person insults you to make themself look good. Oh no you didn’t!
5 The person is sickening sweet and overly nice. My radar is going off trying to figure out your ulterior motive.
6 You can’t understand them. It’s not their fault but it takes too much of your attention span to focus. It’s like a full time job.
7 They have a lot of money and act like a show off. Hey wanna see a magic trick? I’m gonna disappear 😂
8 They are drunk off their ass and causing a scene. Just give them a little push in a different direction.
9 When someone tries to put you down because they think they are better. You can stop talking now.
10 When the person mistreats their significant other and doesn’t care. That’s when you find someone built like Jason Momoa or The Rock and tell him that guy said you are a weasel. Problem solved.

#blogger #topten #instantdislike

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Worst responses to I love you:
1 yeah so or that’s nice (Indifference? Your mama didn’t smack you enough)
2 me too or ditto (Wow is that the best you could do? You really dug deep for that one)
3 what do you want? (Nevermind, I take it back. You don’t deserve it)
4 what? or did you say something? (Really? You can’t hear all of a sudden? I bet if I said I was giving you a million dollars your hearing would kick in)
5 hmmm (What in the hell does that mean? It wasn’t a question and there is nothing to ponder)
6 I love you as a friend or I like you (Awkward! You pour your heart out only to get friend zoned.)
7 whatever (You just dismissed me? I don’t think so. Now it’s time to say, “Sorry thought you were someone else.”)
8 seriously? or good one (How embarrassing! I think I will just laugh hysterically and say gotcha! I would never love you)
9 k (Do you have something you would like to share with me?)
10 ignore (Now it’s my turn to say nevermind)

#blogger #topten #iloveyou

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Sounds that are heaven to my ears:
1 Waves crashing at the beach remind me that this is where I belong. I don’t belong in an office working my butt off.
2 A baby or a child laughing with a belly laugh makes me laugh even if I don’t know why they are laughing. It makes me so happy 😃
3 Birds chirping remind me that it is a beautiful day. Forget that housework and seize the day.
4 I love music and cannot imagine a life without it. The beat of the music 🎵 has me rocking out of my seat until I am busting moves on my feet.
5 Meat sizzling on a grill gets my tummy growling and I can feel my fangs come out. Get in my belly.
6 Fire crackling soothes me and the flames 🔥 are mesmerizing. It makes me think of smores and snuggling.
7 Money coming out of a slot machine 🎰 makes me scream and cheer. I even have a money 💰 dance. Don’t stop til I get enough.
8 A plane taking off is the best sound in anticipation of the speed that follows. I have the need, the need for speed.
9 Dogs playing makes me smile. I love the playful growls and barks.
10 I am never too old to chase after the Ice Cream truck. The ice cream song makes me run for my wallet. Now I am old enough to chase him down in my car if he tries to get away.

#blogger #topten #musictomyears

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Things we forget to pack for vacation:
1 For the love of God, don’t dare forget the phone chargers. You can’t survive without your lifeline to civilization.
2 Sunscreen will cost you a fortune if you forget it. They know they have you by the cajones.
3 A blowdryer. Now your hair is curling in all of the wrong places and your reflection lets you know you look ridiculous.
4 A hoodie. You are so excited to go to the beach that cold nights don’t even cross your mind. You try to do without but your teeth chatter and your nipples could cut glass. Off to the souvenir shop!
5 Scissors. Now you are removing tags from clothes with your teeth.
6 A razor. Unless you go buy one, you will have to pluck the hairs out one by one or go with a hairy European look.
7 Your passport. Now it is a race against time to floor it like a Nascar driver and get back before the plane takes off.
8 You are on vacation without a hat, hair tie, or sunglasses. Your hair keeps blowing in your face and your face isn’t protected from the sun.
9 Sneakers. You remembered flip flops and cute shoes to go with your night time outfits. You forgot playing shoes. Better get used to bare feet.
10 You forgot your birth control and aren’t in the U.S. Oh boy! Your husband is not going to enjoy this vacation.

#blogger #topten #packforvacation

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Ten things guys want women to know:
1 If you want to know how you look, for the love of God go ask someone else. There is no good ending. It’s a booby trap.
2 They will never ever ever say No to sex. No way in hell. It would be their last wish on their death bed.
3 You are not allowed to bring up things that were done years ago in an argument. It’s like being tried for the same crime twice or every time you decide to throw it into the ring.
4 If you kiss or touch a man, don’t be surprised if he expects more. It’s like having an appetizer and being denied dinner and dessert.
5 Sports are on every Sunday, Monday and Thursday. Don’t be surprised. Oh hell just plan on your man watching some kind of sport every day.
6 Stop crying 😢 when you can’t get what you want. It’s not fair. Can you say blackmail?
7 Share a cell phone calendar to ensure no important dates are missed. The last thing a guy wants is to get yelled at for something you could have told him.
8 They just say what they mean so don’t analyze it to death. Stop reading into things they say. Take it at face value..
9 They know how to drive. How dare you question their expertise.
10 Stop wishing for things and ask for what you want or expect. Guys aren’t mind readers. They can’t even remember your real name after calling you hon or babe all these years.

#blogger #topten #whatmenwant

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When you decide not to wear makeup:
1 Are you okay because you are looking awfully pale?
2 You would look so pretty with a little makeup. It really does miracles.
3 You look so much better on social media.
4 You would feel so much better about yourself if only you wore some makeup.
5 Oh do you have pink eye? You look naked without eyeliner.
6 Oh geez. What happened to your eyebrows?
7 What are those spots on your face?
8 Wow you look like you didn’t get any sleep last night with those dark circles.
9 I have a good dermatologist if you are interested.
10 Not everyone is a natural beauty.

#blogger #topten #nomakeup

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Taking selfies:
1 You aren’t fooling anyone. I know that pic wasn’t taken in 1 shot. You probably did it 50 to 100 times before getting the perfect one.
2 Your nose isn’t the smallest. You look fine before you snap the shot but after it is taken your nose looks like it could poke someone’s eye out. Yow!
3 You look like you gained 20 pounds right in your face. Try again.
4 Your cute duck lip pose looks like you had a stroke. Oh no.
5 Instead of a sweet young thang you look like the old hag from Snow White. You just got scared looking at yourself.
6 You hold the camera at such an angle that you look like a stick figure under a magnifying glass.
7 Time to take the glasses off. You look like Velma with Coke bottle glasses on.
8 Why am I so pale? I look like I need a transfusion.
9 What is up with my lips? Looks like I sucked on a lemon then smoked a cigarette.
10 Why do my eyes look half shut? Then when I try to open them up more, I look someone demanded my new wallet with all of my money.

#blogger #topten #selfies

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Beauty salons:

1 You bring a picture of what you want your hair to look like. Your stylist has her own vision but it wasn’t anything like your picture. You look like your mother in the sixties. Did my grandmom call you before I showed up?
2 You ask for a trim and get a hack job. Can you please reattach my hair? She must have been jealous of your beautiful hair. She did this on purpose.
3 You want to switch things up by going to someone else. When you go back to your regular stylist she notices and treats you as if you cheated on her personally. Honey, I never said we were exclusive. Don’t go psycho.
4 You ask for highlights but when it is done, you can’t even notice. You need a magnifying glass to see them. A bottle of lemon juice would have done more.
5 After your haircut, you realize one side is longer than the other. I demand to see your hairdresser certificate! I am ripping it up.
6 You ask for your bangs to be trimmed. When she is done you look like Jim Carey in Dumb and Dumber. What the flip were you thinking?
7 Your barber forgets to check the guard on the clippers and takes out a chunk of hair. You heard the weed whacker sound and immediately after she says oops. Oops, your ass! You can’t undo this one.
8 You want your eyebrows shaped and when you look in the handheld mirror, you want to hit her over the head with it. You look like Ronald McDonald. I didn’t ask for arches!
9 You want some blonde in your dark hair but your hair looks frosted when you are done. You look 20 years older. Thanks a lot, lady!
10 Your hairdresser over books and works on too many people at once. You are feeling neglected and went there to be pampered. If you wanted to be ignored, you could have stayed home.

#Blogger #TopTen #BeautySalon

KC Avalon’s daily blog

How hard can it be to bake a cake?
1 You take it out of the oven and allow it to cool. When you come back to check on it, the cake is flat like a pancake. Poor thing.
2 You didn’t cook it enough. When you cut it open, there is raw cake batter inside. I guess you can convince people it is a pudding cake.
3 You forget to grease and flour the bundt cake pan. Getting the cake out of the pan is impossible. You begin by tapping the cake and then lose all patience. Your mother comes in to see you in a boxing match with the cake.
4 You are feeling overly ambitious and try a triple layer cake. It is so perfect that it should be a work of art. That is until you carry it to the fridge and you helplessly watch each layer sail to the floor in slow motion.
5 You try to be artistic and copy a cake that you saw in a magazine. Your castle looks like a volcano hit it and is a hot mess. The towers look like penises. Oh boy! Too late to make or buy another one. Hopefully, no one will notice.
6 Your cake baked unevenly because you kept opening the oven door as if you were watching a peep show.
7 You didn’t have the right size cake pan so you used a smaller one. It would not have been a problem if you put less batter but you poured the whole thing. The batter overflowed all over the oven and the fire alarm went off. The firemen showed up to put the fire out in your oven.
8 You burnt the bottom of the cake in an effort to make sure the cake was completely cooked thru. Now you have to cut off the bottom and everyone thinks they are eating brownies.
9 You forget to precook your fruit for your pie. Everyone is trying to fake how good it is but you can hear the crunching of the apples. Dagnabbit.
10 You overwork the dough because you want to give it some special tender loving care. You are left with a hard and dry crust and your guests are left unsatisfied for dessert. They have to stop on the way home to buy something more appetizing. No one ever asks you to make a dessert again.

#blogger #topten #bakingcakes

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Funny things some beginner golfers do:
1 They try to hit the ball off of the tee but swing and miss. Again and again. Twenty shots later you are still going. This isn’t a batting range. Everyone is looking at you and barely swallowing their laugh. You finally pick the ball up and put it in your pocket and skip that hole. It’s probably just first hole stage fright because everyone watching.
2 You see everyone taking practice shots before they hit the ball. You do your best to make everyone think you know what you are doing. You tip the ball and it falls off the tee. NO don’t count that! I didn’t mean to hit it.
3 You try to kill the ball so that it goes the furthest. The macho man in you has to show how much power you have. Good job. Now your ball has hooked or sliced instead of going straight. Good luck finding it.
4 You hit the ball and cup you hand above your eyes to see how far it went. Wow it must be on the green! Hee hee hee. Your ball is right by your foot. Embarrassing.
5 You can’t hit the ball out of the sand. Sand is flying everywhere but the ball remains. The only thing you managed to do is dig a hole with your club.
6 You think you are too good for the golfing range. Anyone can hit a ball. You don’t need practice. Don’t be surprised when your friends don’t ask you to come along anymore because you take too long.
7 Overcompensating by buying ridiculously expensive equipment thinking it will make you play better. Hey buddy, you still play pathetic.
8 Throwing temper tantrums because you are playing lousy. Stringing curse words together and throwing clubs is not going to make your game better. You big donkey. Calm down or your game will get a whole lot worse.
9 You kick your ball or move it when no one is looking because you don’t like the location. Cheater!!
10 Hitting the ball at the same time as someone else on the green. This isn’t mini golf. You are disqualified.

#blog #blogger #topten #golfing

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Damn fly!:
1 It all starts when someone comes into the house with an unwanted friend, the fly!
You are trying to cook and the pesky fly wants some food too.
2 You track it from room to room like a spy with your rolled-up magazine. It is flying like a Top Gun MiG. It’s okay. It has to slow down sooner or later and you will be waiting.
3 Now the sucker is doing unauthorized flybys with your dog. Your poor pup is defenseless and his swinging paws are too slow to keep up with the fly’s maneuvers.
4 Boy, this fly has some big balls when he lands on your nose. He must be feeling brave and makes you look like a chump in front of your family.
5 After dinner, you see him on one of the plates as you are cleaning up. You grab your weapon. Swing and a miss. Strike. The next swings lands and it is a success. Dead. He got what he deserved.
6 You are watching tv feeling peaceful since you aren’t being bothered. Then you see a fly on the tv. Oh, it better be part of the show you are watching. As if the fly is mocking you, it flies into the room to show you it is in your house. Where did this fly come from?
7 You haven’t seen the bugger all night so you assume it is gone. You are about to fall asleep when you hear the old buzzard dive-bombing around you. Are you kidding me!! You hope it flies to another room but it continues to dive-bomb. You are so angry that you blindly throw an air punch that connects with your lamp. Kapow!
8 Now you have a broken lamp and a fly who refuses to give up. This is war!! It is time to bring in the big guns. This poor sucker has no idea who he just messed with. It’s time for the Godfather to deliver the kiss of death. You woke your husband up with all of the racket and he is not happy with the fly.
9 Your husband is not an amateur when it comes to killing flies. He can catch one with his bare hands. He winds up and with a swift silent blow, the job is done.
10 The next day you are at the beach and you get bit. Ouch! It is a greenhead horse fly and it drew blood. Of course. It is a land breeze. You win the battle by swimming in the ocean until you turn into a prune. Bye-bye fly.

#blogger #topten #flies

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When you don’t want to move up to the next size in clothes:
1 You shame yourself so that you are forced to lose weight or be uncomfortable until you do. You would rather those pants squeeze the life out of you than spend money on new clothes.
2 The looser your clothes, the more you will eat to fill the gap.
3 You would rather buy stretch clothes just so you can say you are still the same size. You probably stretched yourself out two sizes with that forgiving fabric.
4 You lay on the bed and suck in your stomach so that you can get the zipper up on your jeans. If they still won’t budge, you pull the zipper up with a hanger. Just don’t bend over if you drop something or go to the bathroom until you get home.
5 You blame the dryer for shrinking your tops. Honey, your tops didn’t get smaller, you just got bigger.
6 You put your hands into fists and stretch out the inside of the shirt while you have it on to give you more room.
7 You wear spanx but are having trouble breathing because they are strangling you to death. Talk about uncomfortable. Once you try them you will never want to wear them again. Ever. NEVER.
8 Your shirt is a little too tight. Someone asks you when your baby is due. Why don’t you come over here so I can slap you for asking me such a stupid question. I eat a little too much and now you think I am having a baby! The nerve.
9 Your pants are so tight the pockets flare out like Dumbo’s ears. Forget about putting anything in those pockets. It will be a one way trip.
10 Hope you put your socks on before your pants because you won’t be bending over in them. You better make sure the shoes are slip on too or someone else is going to have to tie them.

#Blogger #Topten #TooTight

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Forgetfulness:

1 You try and get into your car and the door is locked and the key doesn’t work because it’s not your car dummy!
2 You lose something and then try to pray to the Saint who finds things and can’t remember his name. Guess it’s lost forever.
3 When you remember to make your lunch only to forget it on the counter. You can even see it in your mind sitting there waiting to be eaten.
4 You are on your way up to bed and forget if you shut the stove off. You only checked it five times already but hey go check one last time.
5 You walk into a room with a purpose and then have no clue whatsoever why you are there. It doesn’t come back to you until you walk all the way back to where you came from.
6 You are talking to someone in the store as if you are long lost friends. You have no idea who the person is.
7 Someone asks you to do something at work but you don’t write it down because you are smart as a whip. Yeah right! You forgot to do it and now your boss is going to whip you because it was important.
8 You can’t find your phone and you ask someone in the house to call you so you can listen for it. Your husband tells you if you put it in the same place every day, you wouldn’t lose it. Thanks a lot genius but I still can’t find it.
9 You go to the mall and forget where you parked your car. You have to wait until everyone leaves so that you can walk around the parking lot and find your car laughing at you.
10 Taking meat out to defrost and it is still there in the morning. It’s not the first time. You are desperately looking for signs of even the slightest coolness so that you don’t have to throw it away.

#blogger #topten #forgetting

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Happy Father’s Day Dads
Things Fathers Say:

1 He turns into a weatherman and can’t resist telling you the temperature when he sees you going out for the night.
2 When you ask for something he tells you to ask your mother. She says to ask your father. You get bounced around like a ping pong ball.
3 He can’t resist putting “When I was your age” into a story. Four score and two hundred years ago.
4 He acts like a big spender when he hands you a $20 bill like it’s a hundred then says, “Don’t spend it all in one place.”
5 He loves when someone stands in front of the TV so he can tell you that you make a better door than a window.
6 He can’t resist using wacky sayings like “He folded like a cheap lawn chair.” Oh boy we better get pops outta here.
7 You ask for an ice cream and he answers with, “What am I a millionaire?” Not even close you big spender.
8 When he says, “Don’t tell mom. This will be our little secret.” You got him now! Let the bribery begin.
9 Dad always knows when you touch his thermostat. He is like the Gollum in Lord of the Rings. My precious!
10 “I need to make a quick stop.” Next time you get no drinks before traveling. It’s pretty bad when you see more rest stops them land marks on your road trip.

#blogger #topten #fathers

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Cruise ship expectations and reality:
1 The pool area looks so luxurious and spacious. Reality – There are 500 people trying to swim in the pool and people save chairs from the crack ass of down so you have nowhere to sit. It looks like spring break in Ft. Lauderdale.
2 You are going to get a nice spacious room with a deck. Reality – That costs a lot extra. You have to crawl up to your pillow because the walls are right up against the sides of the bed. The shower is the size of a camper shower. You try to shave but there is no room to bend over and lifting your leg up against the wall is not a possibility.
3 You are single and think that your room rate will be cut in half since you are one person. Think again. You get to pay the special two-person price.
4 You are guaranteed to have beautiful weather since you are on a luxurious cruise ship. Wrong Again! If you are lucky enough for it to be windy the entire time, you will be blown away every time the automatic doors open to the decks. The higher swells will test your seasickness. You won’t need to roll over in bed since you will roll like a hot dog on a rotisserie.
5 You spent thousands of dollars on your cruise so you assume excursions are included. In reality, you will spend $1,000 more to be adventurous.
6 Your alcohol runs on a tab that goes on your credit card. The last night of the cruise, they sneakily slip it under your door because they are too ashamed to hand it to you face to face. There goes another $1,000 if you are a big drinker.
7 You are really excited to spend time in each port to explore. Unfortunately, they only give you enough time to experience a peep show of each port. They really want to see how many people they can leave behind that don’t make it back to the ship in time.
8 They have men who stand outside of the food areas singing a washy washy your hands song. If you don’t want to sanitize, NO FOOD FOR YOU!
9 You are so excited about the opportunity to see some celebrity entertainment. You are living in the lap of luxury baby! Yo buddy, nobody famous here. That is on a special ship.
10 You take a stroll past the control room so that you can see the captain and his sidekick drive the ship. The area is covered in glass so that you can look in from the outside except no one is in there. So the ship is driving itself and we are in the middle of the ocean on the way to Bermuda. Hello, shouldn’t someone be in there to make sure everything is running smoothly? Did you ever hear of the Bermuda Triangle? Better bend over so I can kiss my ass goodbye.

#blogger #topten #cruises

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Best excuses for not doing your homework

1 We are in a pandemic. If things take a turn for the worst, I don’t want to spend my last days doing homework.
2 I gave homework up for lent because I get a lot of pleasure out of doing it. (You are going to burn in hell for this one, but you can worry about that later)
3 I did the work and left it home. School work is for school. Very confusing.
4 I handed it to you. Remember? You must have misplaced it. I did all that work for nothing. (You silently hope you nose isn’t growing like Pinocchio)
5 My mom was too lazy to do it for me. I will yell at her when I get home.
6 The stores are completely out of toilet paper. We had to use anything we could get our hands on. I don’t think you want it now.
7 The wind blew it and I chased it all over town. Unfortunately, it fell in the sewer.
8 We had homework last night? Oh wow, I thought it was due next week.
9 I have a medical condition called carple tunnel and it hurts too much to write.
10 I didn’t need to do it. Homework is for practice and I am very good already. Who needs practice when you are perfect?

#blogger #topten #homeworkexcuses

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Electric cars
1 You decide to be adventurous and go on a cross country trip from NJ to California. Yes!! You feel so alive. Dammit, the bleeping car died before you even made it through Pennsylvania. 😡
2 You have one beer too many and end up at the gas station. You try and shove the gas nozzle into the car. 🤦🏻‍♀️
3 You forget to charge the car and have to call out of work. You forget to charge your phone all the time so why did you think you would be responsible enough to charge a car!
4 You have to plan your trips around the location of charging stations.
5 You avoid traveling to the mountains because your car can’t make the climb. It has never made it to the top yet. It uses too much power.
6 You love accessories and play the radio, run the a/c on blast, charge your phone all while driving like a speed demon. The battery is draining quicker than your speed.
7 You have to replace your battery. No problem, you saved $200. The repair shop gives you a whopper of a bill for $5,500. What?! As they scrape you off the floor you demand that they keep the car. It’s not worth it.
8 Your electric bill went up 100’s of dollars. Where exactly are you saving money?
9 The charger you bought takes 8 hours to get an 80% charge. How are you supposed to make plans with friends? You always show up after everyone has left. Your car has turned into a buzz kill and has destroyed your social life.
10 Someone is chasing you and you are racing to save your life. The gas pedal is slammed down to the floor but the damn car won’t go over 70 mph.

#Blogger #TopTen #electriccar

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When you have to trust someone with your life to drive you:
1 They pass not one but two slow moving vehicles. They jump in the fast lane like a Nascar driver and there is a tractor trailer you are playing chicken with. You see the grill but make it to your lane in the nick of time.
2 They say they are tired with two hours left of driving but won’t let you drive. It is your job to keep them awake so you sound like an auctioneer talking about nonsense.
3 They drive like a maniac because they need a bathroom but refuse to stop. Here use my bottle so you can drive normal.
4 Someone cuts them off and they drive like possessed demons because they won’t be satisfied until they catch up to them so they can make obscene gestures and offer to fight them.
5 Your driver has extreme road rage and you are so stressed out that you tell them to drop you off at the next bar. You will take your chances asking a stranger to take you home.
6 They weave in and out of traffic and you don’t have the heart to tell them they only gained an inch. They aren’t getting ahead because they are moving laterally.
7 They don’t slow down in the rain because they are an expert driver. You can’t see out of the windshield. You are hydroplaning so much that you don’t even know if you are on the road anymore.
8 You are driving with your kid who is learning how to drive but knows it all. They are going 60 because dad told them it’s legal to drive 10 miles over. OMG 😳 When they change lanes, they look over their shoulder and the car goes the same direction. WATCH OUT.
9 When the light turns green they floor it then slam on the brakes when they stop. Where am I? I hit my head on the dash.
10 They are more concerned about the radio and A/C and forget they are driving. Hello?! Can you wait til we stop?

#blogger #topten #driving

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Hundreds of channels and nothing to watch:
1 You can’t wait to tell your friends that you have 500 channels to watch. Really it’s 490 channels of crap and maybe 10 channels with something mildly interesting.
2 Who comes up with this programming Russian Yeti, Deadly Cults, Was I Really Kidnapped, Tighten Crepey Skin just to name a few. No thank you.
3 You are excited to have a movie channel but the selection has slim pickings. Out of 50 movies, only 5 are from 2019. Half are from the 90’s. Very disappointing. The point of a movie channel is so you don’t have to go to the movies because you can watch it at home.
4 Cable TV is like a time machine. Most of the shows you have seen before and have no interest in ever watching again.
5 It would be better just to have a handful of channels. Who feels like flipping through hundreds of channels to get to something half decent. You grow old waiting for something worthwhile to pop up. After you complete one revolution you decide to go to bed.
6 Streaming programs have the same problems plus it takes forever to find a show you like and then “No Stream Available ” pops up. Why you little $@!
7 Just program all of the channels for HD instead of having double programs for regular and HD. You can’t count those channels if they are duplicates. Annoying!
8 There’s plenty of reality TV on but it seems so scripted. You yell at her and she responds with a slap across your face followed by you stealing her man. The End.
9 The cable company forces us to pay for channels that we don’t watch. I don’t need ten Spanish channels. I don’t speak Spanish. I also don’t need to watch foreign sports teams. I have no idea who these people are!
10 You are streaming a football 🏈 game and your team is moving down the field. A big play is coming up and the game lags. Your tv freezes and you see a spinning circle. When it comes back on, the other team has the ball. What the hell happened? Tell me tell me.

#blogger #topten #cable

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Words and phrases that don’t mean what they say 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️:

1 funny bone – It’s not a bone that tells jokes and it’s actually a nerve, not a bone. When you hit your funny bone, it’s not even a little bit funny.
2 wedlock – honey, once you say I do you are locked into this FOREVER!!!
3 having your head in the clouds – now that’s one tall dude
4 yo-yo – Yo yo yo what’s up?
5 fire hydrant – Very scary. A permanent fixture that shoots out fire.
6 cracker – Sounds like a chiropractor.
7 paddleboard – I thought the board paddled itself. How disappointing.
8 inflammable – That should mean it’s safe and cannot catch fire. Hey buddy. I wouldn’t light that match next to the gas tank.
9 work like a dog – I want that job. My dogs have a life of luxury and leisure. Not much work being done there.
10 butterfly – A fly covered in butter.

#blogger #topten #words

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

You just get your carpets cleaned:

1 They look the same. You should be able to notice a difference. 👀 There should be some clue.
2 The truck barely pulls away and you catch your dog poppin a squat on the clean carpet.
3 By the looks of the old carpet you realize that you should have thrown it in the dumpster.
4 Your carpet looks and feels like a marsh after it is done. Too much water 💦 Squish squish
5 Your husband trudges in the house with his work boots 🥾 on. You start cursing 🤬 in Italian and you don’t even know Italian.
6 Your carpet stretched after cleaning and you have ripples through the house.
7 You clean a stain and think you did a great job then it reappears a few days later. It’s like a bad nightmare that refuses to go away.
8 You had to work and your neighbor said the workers were done in an hour. Wow a 4 bedroom house? Neighbor said they must be good. Um yea its the art of illusion as in they pretended to work. Abra Cadabra.
9 You have a clean carpet but now your walls are all scuffed up from the workers banging the hoses into your walls.
10 Your body decides to get a virus and revolt against you. You hurl all over the place like you are possessed by a demon. Time for wood floors!

#blogger #topten #carpetcleaning

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

House hunting adventures:

1 You watch so many home improvement shows that you walk through homes making comments as if you are speaking to an audience. You are very convincing with your fake TV knowledge.
2 People try to hide leaks in the ceiling and walls with fresh paint but you are like Sherlock Holmes and will get to the bottom of this.
3 The floor is uneven and seems tilted. Either you are in a fun house or someone spiked your drink.
4 The home feels so inviting with the music selection. There has to be a reason for the music. It is definitely hiding some kind of noise. Ohhh turns out you are right next to a major interstate and they were hoping you wouldn’t notice. Clever.
5 Candles are lit in every room of the house and has a very nice ambiance. I am getting suspicious of what they are covering up. Something stinks in here.
6 So you say I don’t have to be present for the inspection? You can’t trick me. I will be there with my pencil and paper. In fact I will bring my own inspector. Momma didn’t raise a fool.
7 Wow are these people kidding me? Their house is a pig sty and dishes are piled up in the sink. Good luck. This tells me that the owners have done zero upkeep. You don’t impress me much.
8 This house is absolutely beautiful. You find out that it is a rehab and the house is really from the 1940’s. Next.
9 You love everything about the house but at least a dozen houses are for sale on the street. Something doesn’t add up here.
10 The sellers want to stay while you look at their house. They promise you won’t even know they are there but pop up like jack in a boxes every time you ask the realtor a question. Stalker!

#blogger #topten #househunting

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Riding a horse for the first time:

1 You can’t remember how to stop the horse. You yelled STOP but that isn’t working.
2 Every time you try to mount the horse, it backs up or tries to leave without you.
3 The horse is cantering and you may need an ambulance when you get off of this horse. Your pelvis feels like it is in a boxing ring with Mike Tyson.
4 Oh boy you lost the reins. You try and throw your arms around the horse’s neck. He thanks you by throwing you to the ground.
5 You are slouching and your horse thinks you want to go faster because your weight is going forward. You are going so fast, you think someone must be chasing you.
6 You wear jeans and are paying the price because they are chafing you. YOW!
7 You are strangling the horse with the reins because you are holding on for dear life. Your horse isn’t liking you too much right now.
8 You are clenching your legs so hard that your horse takes off and you are bouncing like a yo-yo in yhe saddle.
9 You are looking all around instead of straight ahead. You do know that you are supposed to be steering not stargazing.
10 Your horse gets spooked by a ghost and runs for his life and starts bucking. You are like a rodeo bull rider trying to stay on. Down boy!

#blogger #topten #horseriding

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Community pool problems:
1 There are towels on all of the lounge chairs and those people are nowhere to be found. Umm who do you think you are special or something? If you aren’t in the pool or on site, you cannot save spots.
2 Some parents don’t pay attention to their kids and think it’s the lifeguard’s job to watch them. I don’t think so.
3 Some genius brings a glass and breaks it. Now you have to worry about walking in bare feet.
4 There are some who come in looking like they were playing in a pig pen. Do not use the pool as your private bath. Shower that stuff off!
5 You are trying not to get your hair wet and just trying to cool off a little and someone does a cannon ball in the pool and you are drenched. Now you look like a wet rat. Thanks kid!
6 A kid says, “Mommy I have to pee!” and then proceeds to jump in the pool. Oh no you don’t! The bathroom is a few steps away.
7 Teenagers are playing tag and running around the pool deck. You can’t relax because you are afraid that they are going to get hurt.
8 The chlorine is so strong that it looks like you smoked some wacky tobacky.
9 A person with a nasty rash just jumped in the pool. Don’t they do body checks at the door? Now we need disease control to come in.
10 I need a maintenance man to clean this pool pronto. There are so many bugs floating around that I am starting to think that the pool membership should be for bugs only.

#blogger #topten #communitypool

KC Avalon’s daily blog

Exorbitant college costs:
1 What’s with the extra fees? Activity fees? I have to pay for day camp?
2 Why does it cost $200,000 for four years? Are they giving him a company to run when he graduates?
3 I can’t wait to see the apartment I paid $15,000 for. Ohh..it’s compact and wait…only half of it is yours? Prisoners have a bigger cells!
4 It’s so expensive that students may die of old age before their loans are paid off.
5 Shouldn’t all the extras be included in the tuition like an all inclusive resort? I have to pay for books?
6 Cost of living increases are understandable but I must be living in Beverly Hills with these prices.
7 So if I cut out liberal arts courses and just take courses for my major, can I deduct fifty percent?
8 College is how much? I saved $30,000 and thought it would pay for all four years. Oh boy.
9 Are you hiring? I will work for you if you let my kid attend for free.
10 Yeah, we are going to need a much lower price. I need to downgrade to an econo room with jail food instead of cruise ship food and no activities. He is here to learn.

#blogger #topten #collegecosts

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Unrealistic movie or tv scenes:

1 You took an ass whoopin and are still getting up for more. If that was real you would be in the hospital or morgue.
2 The female is on her way to a fight and is wearing heels and her makeup is perfect. I don’t think so honey.
3 Going after the bad guy all alone. You know you can call the police.
4 Big scary scenes in schools or hospitals with no one in sight. What are the chances?
5 Kicking down doors with one kick or knocking someone out with one punch. What kind of steroids are you taking?
6 Fist fighting a group of guys and they wait their turn to hit you.
7 No one hearing a bunch of gun shots going off.
8 Cars flying off bridges and landing on the ground.
9 Buildings and cars blow up and the people running away from the explosion fly through the air and get up unscathed.
10 You have time to have sex before having to deal with the bad guy. Instead of being tired you are energized.

#blogger #topten #actionscenes

KC Avalon’s Romance Three in the Key

Book review for Three in the Key:

Not just another romance book, Three in the Key by KC Avalon, will whisk you away and take you on an amazing journey. Set in the present day, this book will definitely leads the way in modern romance literature. It’s exciting, interesting and a real page turner.

Our two lovers, Jacks and Sydney, are just like any other couple, or are they? I don’t want to spoil the story, but when you begin you’ll soon learn how difficult it is to have a normal love affair when you have been drafted to the NBA and you’re about to launch your career as a special needs teacher. Does that stop them? Oh no! I really like the way Jacks and Sydney fought through the downs and celebrated the ups of their relationship.

And boy do these two know how to get it on! Yes, this is a book for over 18’s, mature readers. There are explicit sex scenes so make sure no one is looking over your shoulder on the bus! But, don’t worry, these scenes in the book are well written and are not the least bit smutty.

True love never runs to course, as they say, and the same is true for Jacks and Sydney. Real tension and drama is introduced when Sydney’s life is threatened by someone who she hoped she would never see again – a psycho ex! Things become complicated and lives are on the brink of devastation. This part of the story really tests the couple’s love for each other. Without revealing these amazing events, all I can say is I couldn’t put the book down. The captivating storyline and incredible, well developed and relatable characters will keep readers glued to the pages.

If you love a good romance thriller, you are going to swoon over Three in the Key by KC Avalon. It’s fast paced, extremely well written and full of surprises. Book review for Three in the Key by KC Avalon read and written by Chick Lit Cafe. https://www.amazon.com/Three-Key-KC-Avalon-ebook/dp/B07TKWNHMC

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Shoes feel so great when you try them on at the store:

1 The next day the shoes are somehow smaller than they were at the store. Your feet have swollen to twice the size and your shoes may have to be cut off.
2 The bottom of the shoe is suddenly so slippery that you fall every time you take a step.
3 The backs of the shoes are rubbing against your skin and you hobble around the rest of the day.
4 Your boots are rubbing against your shins. When you take them off, you are covered in bruises and your leg hair is missing.
5 The shoe doesn’t seem to have any cushioning. You feel like you are walking on concrete with every step you take. Maybe the bottoms of your shoes fell off.
6 The peep toe style looked cute but turns out it is a torture chamber. You might only have four toes by the time you get home.
7 Your new flip flops have hard plastic. The skin between your toes is disappearing with every step you take.
8 The shoes are pointier than you remember. Your toes are being painfully squeezed together. You may walk like a penguin for the rest of your life.
9 The heels are so high on your open toe shoes that your foot is sliding downward and getting cut by the strappy design holding your feet in. It’s like barbed wire.
10 Those cute little slip on heels you bought are super dangerous in the rain. Your heel keeps slipping out and it will be a miracle if your ankles aren’t broken by the end of the day.

#blogger #topten #uncomfortableshoes

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

It’s hard to socialize with social distancing:

1 If you are trying to get with someone, it’s hard to make a move from six feet away.
2 You can’t whisper in someone’s ear. You have to text it.
3 You can’t ask your friend what’s going on in the movie. She is too far away.
4 You can’t play tag because the person keeps running away from you.
5 You invite a friend over to dinner and you each sit at the head of the table. It’s hard to the pass the food. It turns into a game of shuffleboard and some of the dishes crash to the floor.
6 You can’t pretend to drown so that the hot lifeguard can save you, because he is not allowed to touch you.
7 You go camping with friends but everyone has to sleep in their own tent. Ghost stories around the campfire are hard to do because you have to talk loud instead of in a low, creepy voice.
8 Sports teammates can’t sit on the bench together. They are spread out thru the arena.
9 You have to do drive bys for yard sales. You point at the items you like from your window and the person holds it up for you to see.
10 You have to wear gloves, a mask, and a fluid resistant gown to dance at the club. It’s hard to tell who is hot since everyone looks ridiculous. You can’t understand each other through the masks. It’s impossible to score with all of these clothes on.

#Blogger #topten #hardtosocialize

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Things you do when you keep dozing off:
1 You laugh once in a while to make it look like you were awake and paying attention.
2 You let out a little snort and then ask “What was that?” as if it wasn’t you.
3 You wake up with your mouth wide open. It’s as if you were trying to land a plane in there.
4 You scare yourself when the remote drops on the floor. You think someone is trying to break in.
5 Instead of going to bed you try to finish the show you were watching. You wake up hours later and end up having to rewatch the whole thing again anyway since you have no recollection of seeing it.
6 You get the sleepy ha ha’s and laugh at everything and anything.
7 You wake up on the couch in the morning needing a chiropractor and a masseuse.
8 You wake up trying to figure out what time it is and where everyone went.
9 You try and find enough energy to move the body parts to get you upstairs to your bed.
10 You get mad for wasting the night you had to yourself sleeping!

#blogger #topten #dozingoff

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Why Diets Can Fail:
1 You want to lose thirty pounds by the weekend and will do whatever it takes.
2 You get on the scale the day after starting your diet and are disappointed by the numbers. That’s it, I’m done.
3 You go on a diet the day before vacation and make everyone miserable including yourself. Just eat already.
4 You are so hungry by dinner that you pull up a chair to the refrigerator and dig in.
5 To lose weight you will not eat more than 500 calories a day. Period.
6 You want to lose weight without exercising.
7 You can’t understand why you aren’t losing weight after drinking a case of beer.
8 You trust a restaurant to feed you the right portions for your diet.
9 You forget to account for everything you ate. You already told yourself the candy bar was because you were stressed and the doritos were because you worked hard and deserved it.
10 You misread food labels and ate about 8 servings too many. Oh boy.

#blogger #topten #dietfails

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When your hearing isn’t great:
1 After asking the person to repeat themselves twice you just give up and laugh and hope that it is the appropriate response.
2 Your boss is a soft talker and you try and strain your ears to hear them. SPEAK UP!
3 It’s kind of fun because you hear words that change the whole story. At least you amuse yourself.
4 You become the person who yells WHAT? all the time. It’s exhausting.
5 It sounds like the person is speaking in a foreign language. Say what?
6 People think you have a lot of company because your tv is so loud.
7 People sound like they are talking with marbles in their mouth and you have no clue what they are trying to say.
8 You are out of luck because you can’t read lips.
9 People get aggravated when they have to repeat themselves and think you are doing it on purpose.
10 When you go to a romantic restaurant with your spouse, you have no idea what he is saying to you. His lips are moving pretty quick so it must be interesting.

#blogger #topten #canthear

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When your hearing isn’t great:
1 After asking the person to repeat themselves twice you just give up and laugh and hope that it is the appropriate response.
2 Your boss is a soft talker and you try and strain your ears to hear them. SPEAK UP!
3 It’s kind of fun because you hear words that change the whole story. At least you amuse yourself.
4 You become the person who yells WHAT? all the time. It’s exhausting.
5 It sounds like the person is speaking in a foreign language. Say what?
6 People think you have a lot of company because your tv is so loud.
7 People sound like they are talking with marbles in their mouth and you have no clue what they are trying to say.
8 You are out of luck because you can’t read lips.
9 People get aggravated when they have to repeat themselves and think you are doing it on purpose.
10 When you go to a romantic restaurant with your spouse, you have no idea what he is saying to you. His lips are moving pretty quick so it must be interesting.

#blogger #topten #canthear

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Ways to get rid of stress:
1 Walk home from work. Hope you live close.
2 Buy a puppy and act like you don’t know where it came from when your husband asks.
3 Quit your job and just pretend to go to work in the morning.
4 Every time something upsets you, say “Cheers” and take a shot. After a while nothing will bother you.
5 Throw something at the person stressing you out. They may not feel better but you will.
6 Slap someone and tell them it was a mosquito.
7 If you are stressed then reverse the word. It spells desserts. That makes me feel better already.
8 If you are on the phone at work and someone is yelling at you, hang up and go for a walk.
9 Take an afternoon nap. Your boss will not know what to say.
10 Fire the person stressing you out even if you aren’t the boss. Tell them you are making a citizen’s termination.

#blogger #topten #destress

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

terrible food when you were a kid:

1 Eating your delicious burger 🍔 only to have a disgusting round pickle in your next bite. Where did that come from?
2 Biting into a chocolate covered cherry thinking it was solid chocolate. What the heck did you just bite into?
3 Eating a chocolate chip cookie only to find out the hard way it is raisins. Yuk!
4 Wheat bread tasted like it had dirt and saw dust in it. If this is healthy, I don’t want anything healthy.
5 Fish smelled like it came straight from a trash can. It never made it to your mouth.
6 Lentil beans tasted like rich vitamins. No thank you.
7 Wrinkly green peas tasted like skin on the outside and mushy on the inside.
8 Sunny side up eggs with yolk running all over the plate. May I be excused?
9 Cranberry sauce out of a can looked like jello but was bitter and unappealing.
10 Oatmeal looked like someone got sick in your bowl and didn’t smell much better. Why can’t you have cereal like a normal kid?

#blogger #topten #foodkidshate

KC Avalon’s Daily’s Blog

Unwritten rules where I work:
1 Don’t even think about putting that work on my desk. Keep walking if you know what’s good for you. That’s right.
2 Do you see your momma working here? No. Okay You need to clean up after your damn self!
3 Don’t finish the last cup of coffee and try and sneak away. You better make another pot.
4 Don’t let me walk around all day looking ridiculous with something in my teeth, gook in my eye, runny eyeliner, hair sticking up, etc. Tell me so I can fix it.
5 Don’t park in someone’s unmarked parking spot. You know they park there every day so find your own spot.
6 Don’t make anyone work past 12 or they will get hangry.
7 Don’t bring in a delicious dessert unless you have enough for everyone.
8 Don’t put fish in the microwave! Disgusting.
9 If you are done your work, help someone else out. Don’t dare shop online!
10 If you are coming to work to bitch and complain, stay home. Honey, we all have problems.

#blogger #topten #unwrittenworkrules

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When your picnic doesn’t turn out quite the way you planned:
1 An army of 🐜 ants decides to join the party.
2 Bees 🐝 start chasing you and you spend the whole time running.
3 A seagull waits until you set up your picnic. He calls his friends to tell them lunch is ready. They swoop in and you are left with crumbs.
4 You packed lunch for four people but there is a kid waiting for food that you never met before.
5 You set up everything under a pavilion. The ranger politely waits until you are finished setting up then tells you the area is reserved. Very funny.
6 You decide to sit in the grass to become one with nature. You wake up the next day with poison ivy.
7 It’s much windier than you thought. Lunch turns into chase after your food, plates, napkins, cups.
8 You put ice in the cooler instead of ice packs. Everyone’s sandwich is soggy.
9 You have delicious food and snacks but no napkins.
10 You have to go to the bathroom but there’s no bathroom in sight.

#blogger #topten #picnic

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Watching the weather forecast 😳
1 By the time they get through a full five days, I forget everything they just said. Talk about confused!
2 I really don’t need the weather for the rest of the country I didn’t ask. There’s a storm in the MidWest? Ok but clouds blow so they can go anywhere.
3 All I really need to know is how cold it will feel outside for the next day. I need to pick out an outfit. C’mon help me out.
4 Multiple day forecasts are useless to me since it always seems to change anyway. Tell me the day before. I get tired of changing my plans.
5 My advice to everyone, stick your head out the front door for the most accurate forecast.
6 Looking at arrows and patterns on maps reminds me of John Madden marking up my TV screen during football games. Hey stop writing, I am trying to see the game!
7 The current forecast says cloudy but all I see is the sun,shining very brightly as if it is mocking the weather people.
8 Cloud cover, visibility, dew point, the direction of the wind or the ceiling is not relevant to me. I am not flying a plane
9 If it’s just a prediction, maybe I would be better off going to a fortune teller.
10 If you keep getting it wrong, how do you still have a job? NEXT!

#TopTen #WeatherForecast #Blog #Funny

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Bad First Date Signs:
1 He shows up on a bike, and it’s not a motorcycle.
2 She drinks too much and throws up on you when you make a move.
3 He shows up with a reinforcement. Umm no, three is a crowd.
4 She forgets your name and attempts to remember by using the wrong one.
5 He gets out a calculator to figure out who pays for what.
6 She talks negatively about her ex the whole time. It seems like she doesn’t even like men.
7 He brings you back to his place, except it isn’t his place. His room is in the basement of his mom’s house, and he is 30.
8 She doesn’t make eye contact with you the entire night. However, she flirts with the waiter and doesn’t hide the fact that he left his number on the bill.
9 He tells you to dress nice. You wear a cute red dress, and he shows up in a Grateful Dead shirt and jeans.
10 She tells you she is looking for a serious relationship and wants to have a baby within the next year.

#Funny #Blog #TopTen #DumpHimDumpHer

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Signs you are drunk
1 You have to hold onto the grass so you don’t fall off the earth.
2 The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat
3 You can focus better with one eye closed
4 When the tree you swerve to miss is your air freshener
5 You think your dishwasher tablet is a giant sweet tart
6 You sit down on the toilet and try to put your seatbelt on
7 You put your food in the microwave and enter your pin number
8 You think the floor is uneven
9 You go to bed with a ten and wake up with a zero
10 You look around to see who keeps pushing you on the floor

#Topten #funny #drunk #blog