1 If the person doesn’t use spell check or reread their text, you have to decipher what they are trying to say. It is like talking in tongues. 2 You text a paragraph to someone about something and pour your heart out. You anxiously await their response and get k. Wow, we are no longer friends. 3 You can’t read emotion. A text should read like a script. (Standing with her hands on her hips) Are you serious? (sticking up the middle finger to the phone and stringing a line of curses) You better come up with a better excuse than that! (His clothes are scattered on the front lawn) 4 The person has time to think about how they want to answer you back. There is no face to face where you can read their face and body language. 5 You tend to text the person you are trying to vent about instead of the person you want to vent to. 6 You can’t tell if you have hurt someone’s feelings. You need to squirm. 7 It’s easier to ignore people by not opening their texts and lamely pretending that you didn’t get it. You aren’t fooling anyone. 8 It’s hard to visit with someone who can’t take their eyes off of their phone. You almost feel like you need to leave the room. 9 You find yourself getting angry when people don’t answer you in a certain amount of time. You take it personally and turn the conversation into an argument. The poor person you were texting phone died and they are going to get hit with a bunch of aggressive messages when their phone turns back on. 10 Punctuation can change the whole meaning of a text. “I’m sorry. I love you so much.” compared to “I’m sorry I love you so much.” Oh boy.
1 Pulling out in front of someone when there are no cars for miles behind them. Someone is looking for a beating. 2 Someone who obviously didn’t wash their hands in the bathroom and comes out trying to put their paws all over you. Ewww, get away!! 3 When someone blocks you in a parking lot because there were no more spots. They made their own parking space then fell off the face of the earth. Now what genius? Bumper cars anyone? 4 Seeing a bunch of people waiting in line and jumping to the front like you are a VIP. You are more like a donkey. What did you think all of those people were doing? Waiting for a bus? 5 Someone sitting right on top of you when there are plenty of empty seats around you. Quick, start coughing. 6 Eating something in the fridge that you know someone else was looking forward to but not caring. Really? Game on stupid. 7 Borrowing someone’s car and not filling it up with gas. They get ready to go to work and there are only fumes left. 8 Asking a woman if she is pregnant without having a clue. Thanks, buddy. I am still trying to lose my baby weight from the birth of my son. He is 20. 9 Telling secrets about people as if you are in a soundproof room. I can hear you! You may want to work on your whispering skills. 10 Texting while walking through a parking lot without paying attention to your surroundings. Don’t be surprised if you land on the hood of someone’s car or under the tires.
1 The cars on the street where you just parallel parked looks like a demolition derby 2 You make your turns on two wheels 3 When the light turns green, you take off like a bat out of hell and drive like you are in a drag race 4 You put your makeup on and eat breakfast while you are driving 5 Your bumpers are rainbow-colored from hitting other cars 6 Everyone else offers to drive when you go out. You think you have the nicest friends when in reality, they pray that they get back in one piece when you drive. 7 Your navigation says to stop in 500 feet to let it out 8 Your mirror is hanging off your car. That’s ok. You only needed one anyway. 9 Your passenger is putting on their fake brakes and holding on for dear life 10 You drive the wrong way down a one-way street and curse everyone else out for going the wrong way
1 Getting lost but refusing to admit it. Instead, you say that you took the scenic way on purpose. 2 He blames every bad mood you have on PMS 😡. No, but when I get it, I will make sure it lasts a month just for you. The nerve!! This one deserves a slap instead of an eye roll. 3 If you show some emotion or talk a little louder, you are crazy or nuts. 4 When you try to talk to them while they are playing video games and they actually get mad because you got them killed 5 Make pooping an event that takes an hour. Just poop and get out! Why stay in there longer than you have to? 6 When you tell him all about the weekend plans and then the time comes and he acts surprised and says you never told him. 7 When we go for a midnight swim because you didn’t put the toilet seat down. 8 Taking off his socks and leaving them all over the house. 9 Driving with the seat reclined like you plan on taking a nap. Put that seat up and pay attention. You are driving, not watching TV in your living room. 10 Putting empty cartons back in the fridge instead of the trash can.
1 An expensive car that costs more than your annual salary. You have to drive 25 mph because you are too afraid to crash or even scratch the car. 2 Clothing that is brand new. Talk about pressure. It is an open invitation for food and drinks to drop all over the beautiful fabric. 3 Good jewelry – You drink too much and drop the earring somewhere in your house. You have to hope that you can crawl around every square inch of your house and find it before the vacuum does or your friend wants them back. 4 Luggage – The airline loses your luggage except it isn’t yours. There is no way you can afford to replace it. That is why you borrowed it in the first place. 5 Shoes – They are more than your paycheck but look so sparkly. You stepped in some mud and there is no way to save these shoes. 6 You lose the item you borrowed and replace it. When you return it, your friend has a strange look on her face but she is too polite to tell you that this is nothing like what you borrowed. 7 You dent her car but it is on the passenger’s side so maybe by the time she notices, she will think it was her. 8 You borrow something and forget to return it. By the time your friend asks for it back, you have no clue where it is. 9 You stay at your friends luxurious house for the weekend but are so afraid to ruin anything that you stress yourself out and forget to have fun. 10 You borrow a chainsaw to cut down a tree but have no clue what you are doing. The tree falls into your neighbors house. Oops 😬 timber!
1 Someone not very talkative. They give one word answers and you are out questions with awkward silence. 2 A low talker. It constantly sounds like mumbling and the audience is straining to hear. 3 Someone argumentative. Instead of a friendly conversation you have a debate on your hands. 4 Someone boring. You are looking for great ratings not a snooze fest. 5 When you ask a question and they go off on a rant and no one knows what they are talking about. Twilight Zone. 6 They show up sloppy drunk and have no clue what is happening. It turns into a babysitting gig. 7 They curse like a sailor. After bleeping it out there is nothing left of the interview. 8 One who takes over and asks you questions. You lose control of your own show. 9 Someone who decides to have their life fall apart on your show. C’mon get it together. 10 Someone who uses your show for their own social or political issues. No one asked. Go tell someone who cares.
1 You have to get a 75” TV because you can’t see anything smaller. 2 If you go into the ocean for a little swim, you have no clue where your blanket is when you come out. Hopefully your people will flag you down. 3 When you wake up in the morning you can’t see the clock without squinting or tugging at the corners of your eyes. 4 Your world is out of focus and distorted. You feel like you are stuck in a funhouse. 5 Sometimes you see double and that’s before drinking. 6 You can’t see street signs until you are on top of them or when you pass them. It takes a lot longer to navigate. 7 If something is in your eye, you can’t get it out because you can’t see without glasses. It’s a catch 22. 8 You can’t see the scale without taking a picture of it and zooming in. 9 You think you recognize people from across the room and wave enthusiastically, only to find out it is a stranger. 10 You get mad when you can’t get into your car then eventually realize it’s not yours.
1 A rubberband is worn on your wrist like a bracelet in case your hair needs emergency intervention. 2 You invest in conditioner, frizz cream, hot oil and any other experimental treatments that may work. 3 Don’t get your hair cut too short or it will puff up like a poodle. 4 Don’t straighten your hair if you are going to the beach. It is a no win battle. 5 There is no way you can wake up and run out the door. Your hair looks like medusa. 6 Brushing your hair is a no no. It will look like a rat’s nest if you do. 7 You can’t have men sleep over for fear that you would never see them again if they saw your bedhead. 8 Your bangs are a weather forecaster and look like the Monopoly man’s mustache if rain is on the way. 9 Traveling with the car windows down is a nightmare because your hair transforms into a chia pet. 10 Check the weather before doing your hair. If it’s going to be humid or rainy, surrender immediately.
1 Your desk keeps moving closer to the door. 2 Everyone goes out to lunch leaving you to answer the phones. 3 You are the only one with a cubicle. 4 The person who sits next to you emails you instead of talking 5 Everyone gets a summer vacation but you can’t take yours until winter. 6 They set the alarm when you are in the bathroom. When you come out, the police are there. 7 All of the irate customer calls are transferred to you. 8 You haven’t received a raise in 10 years but everyone else has. 9 Your parking spot is the furthest away from the office. 10 Your paycheck bounces every time you try and cash it.
1 You cough so hard, that it feels like you did 100 sit-ups 2 Your nose is stuffed so you blow it and nothing happens. You blow harder and your ear blows out and starts ringing. 3 You keep waiting to take your meds again because you feel like death. Four more hours to go. 4 Your room is filling up with dirty tissues. Pretty soon your husband won’t be able to find you. 5 Every time you try to eat, the food tastes like it went bad. 6 You see yourself in the mirror and look like something that came out of a horror movie. 7 You coughed so much that your voice sounds horrific. 8 Don’t bother looking up your symptoms. You are dead. 9 You start to wonder if alcohol will work better since the meds aren’t doing the trick. 10 You are so sick that Alexa is ignoring you so she doesn’t get sick.