Allergies: 1 Your eyes get so red it looks like you smoked the wacky tobacky, or they are so puffy it looks like you didn’t sleep in weeks. 2 You sneeze so many times that people are tired of blessing you and seem angry 😤 as if you are doing it on purpose. 3 Your nose is running off of your face. You are about to shove tissues up your nose until it stops. 4 You broke out into hives and look like you have a catchy disease. No one wants to come near you. 5 You have asthma and your coughing fit turns into an asthma attack. People ask if you are alright while impatiently waiting for you to answer. You can’t speak so you start gesturing wildly like a game of charades. 6 You ate something that you are allergic to and your face blows up like a pufferfish. Epi-pen anyone? 7 Your nose is so stuffed and you have a sinus headache. Every time you sneeze you feel great for 3 seconds until your head fills up again. 8 Your eyes keep watering, and people think you are crying. They are treating you so nice that you don’t feel like telling them it’s allergies. 9 You can’t find the right allergy meds. One makes you zonk out at work. The other makes you speed like you drank a pot of espresso. 10 You can’t hear because your ears won’t pop and when you bend over to pick something up, you are immediately dizzy and have to hold onto something.
How to drive your kids crazy: 1 Wait until they sit down and get nice and comfy then ask for something to eat or drink. 2 Take their car out and use all of their gas so they have to fill up their car next time they drive it. 3 Since they never write down when they use the last of something, hide all the batteries so that they are out of luck when their controller turns off. Too bad. 4 Talk non stop when they are watching their favorite show. 5 Leave your stuff all over the family room floor and see how they like it. 6 Tell someone what your kid said about them or rat on them to dad. 7 Jump up and down on their bed when they are sleeping. 8 Bust in on them when they are in the bathroom. 9 Ignore them when they call your name and make them repeat themselves a few times. 10 If you have a boy, saran wrap the toilet so that it gets everywhere when they pee. It’s not like they can hit the target anyway.
1) It is written by a friend 2) I am a local author who cares about all of my readers 3) I donate 25% of proceeds to St Judes 4) You won’t be able to put the book down 5) You can read the prologue for free http://www.kcavalon.com. Also available on Amazon.
You know it’s time to throw stuff out when: 1 You have clothes for every occasion: painting, gardening, time of the month, lounging around, in case you lose weight 2 You have manuals for things you don’t own anymore. 3 You have college books from 20 years ago just in case you need to look something up. 4 You have leftover cans of paint for every time you ever painted. Maybe you can have a craft night. 5 You have menus for every establishment in the state. You need to have options. 6 You have a drawer of unmatched socks just in case the other one decides to show up. 7 You have a whole box of cords and no idea where they belong. 8 Books you read and don’t want to get rid of even though you will never read them again. 9 Gowns from every wedding you have been in including your own. Unless you are opening up a dress shop move on. 10 Your drug cabinets. You have things so old it will kill you instead of making you better.
1 Walk home from work. Hopefully, you live closeby. 2 Buy a puppy and act like you don’t know where it came from when your husband asks. 3 Quit your job and just pretend to go to work in the morning. 4 Every time something upsets you, say “Cheers” and take a shot. After a while nothing will bother you. 5 Throw something at the person stressing you out. They may not feel better but you will. 6 Slap someone and tell them it was a mosquito. 7 If you are stressed eat desserts. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. 8 Put your work away and color. 9 Take an afternoon nap. Your boss will not know what to say. 10 Forget about yoga. Get an ice cream.
When your weekend is over: 1 You demand a redo since it went by too fast. 2 You stayed up all night to get the most out of the last day and slept through Monday. 3 Your Monday lasts longer than the entire weekend. 4 Although you don’t get paid for Saturday and Sunday, you convince yourself that it is better than going into work Monday thru Friday. 5 You burst out crying when it is time to go to bed Sunday. 6 You are convinced someone hit fast forward. 7 You have to call out sick Monday because you are in denial. 8 You go to the boss to discuss the three day weekend and use mental health as your argument. 9 When your boss calls to see where you are on Monday, you ask him why he is calling you on a Sunday. 10 You start looking for jobs that give you summers off.
Things that are hard to tell your husband: 1 “Um Babe, There is a little scratch on the car, but it’s barely noticeable.” He goes outside to inspect and you hear him screaming by the time you count to three. 2 “I did a little shopping today to treat myself.” He comes home from work to find 18 boxes piled in front of the door. 3 “I was pulled over for speeding. My ticket is $250.” Why so high? “I was going 80 in a 55. I wanted to get home to you.” 4 “I sort of got fired today. I told my boss no, and when he threatened me with my job, I told him where to stick it.” 5 “I went to the bar last night and drank too much. Apparently, I bought the entire bar a round of drinks. You will probably see it on the credit card bill.” 6 “Where did the dog come from? Well, I was window shopping and went into a pet shop and fell in love and couldn’t tell this guy no. Look at those 👀 eyes! 7 “OMG my windshield has a crack. Well more like a giant crater. You know that asteroid they were talking about in the news? Yep, part of it broke off. I’m lucky to be alive to tell this story. 8 “My ex called me and he still has feelings for me. He will do anything to get me back. So what will you do to keep me?” 9 “I took the rent money and lost it playing craps at the casino. I was so close to making a fortune. You should have seen me. For the foreseeable future, we might be eating by candlelight, cooking over a campfire, and taking a bath in the lake.” 10 “My parents can’t afford their bills and didn’t know what to do. I insisted that they move in with us. Now you and my dad will have plenty of quality time to spend together.”