KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Meditation:

1 You can’t shut your brain off and it is running away with ideas.
2 You aren’t sure who you are supposed to be getting in touch with but are pretty sure it’s not working.
3 You are trying to figure out the appropriate time you can get up and call it a day. You don’t feel any different.
3 You are too energetic to relax and sit down.
4 You feel like you are wasting time and can hear it ticking away.
5 You are bored to death. How is this good for you?
6 Wouldn’t a nap be better? It seems like a napper would be considered a master meditator.
7 You decide to smoke pot to relax you even more. Now you are in a trance.
8 Your boss wrote you up because you decided to take a meditation break and ignored him when he asked you questions about work.
9 You lit some candles to add to your inner peace. You were so relaxed that everything burnt down around you.
10 It has become a full-time job because every time you feel stressed or have a confrontation, you drop everything and meditate.

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KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Cars and women:

1 Driving with your husband in the passenger seat is as unpleasant as when you took your driver’s test. He is just waiting to pounce on you if you make a mistake.
2 The man at the car dealership treats you as if you know nothing, even though you did your homework. He acts like you need permission from your daddy before making a purchase.
3 Repair shops skeeve us out and make us want to take a shower.
4 The mechanic makes up some fancy words about what is wrong with the car and you have no clue.
5 Every trip to the auto mechanic costs a fortune and you have no way of knowing what actually needs to be fixed.
6 There are too many gadgets. You aren’t flying an airplane for God’s sake.
7 Pumping your own gas is yucky when you are dressed up. Or when it’s cold. Or rainy. Or anytime.
8 You have a flat and open the trunk and look at the spare tire. You don’t know why you are looking because you don’t know how to change it but at least you found it.
9 We influence men in most car purchases yet some car salesmen ignore our presence and only talk to the man. Jokes on you. We are walking out.
10 We don’t want to know what goes on under the hood. As long as it works and it has a gas pedal and brake, we are fine.

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KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog-

Snorkeling fails:

1 Hyperventilating because you are panic stricken when you spot a big fish. The fish won’t kill you but the snorkel will.
2 You want to explore but forget that you can only go so deep. Your snorkel tube goes under water and you are drinking the ocean.
3 You smile for an underwater pic and break your seal with the mouthpiece.
4 Your mask keeps fogging up. While everyone is oohing and aahing, you can’t see a thing.
5 You start choking on water and try to stand but find it hard to keep your balance because you feel like you have platypus feet with fins on.
6 You jump off a boat to go snorkeling and are intimidated when you see the shoreline further away than you would like.
7 You swim too close to coral and suddenly feel like you have been shanked. It catches you totally by surprise since you weren’t expecting to get cut.
8 You are enjoying the view and feel like you were stung by underwater wasps. Then you see the culprit is a jellyfish.
9 You use too much energy moving around instead of floating and start getting cramps and are tired before your group is done.
10 You are snorkeling with a buddy and they keep swimming away. What part of swim buddy don’t you get?

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KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Dreams

1 Someone is chasing you and you wake up exhausted. You should have at least lost some weight!
2 You argue with your mate and wake up mad even though you know it was a dream. You will be fine once he apologizes.
3 You are about to get in on with a hot guy and stupidly say, “I’m married.” Seriously!! Not in my dreams.
4 You wake up from a nightmare and when you fall back asleep, you pick up where you left off. Nooooo.
5 You work all day and then dream about work at night. C’mon. Enough is enough.
6 You wake up disoriented and need a minute to figure out if you are okay.
7 Your dreams are so vivid that you could write a novel when you wake up in the morning.
8 You are dreaming about swimming or rain and when you wake up, you realize how bad you have to go to the bathroom.
9 You throw a punch in your dream and when you wake up, your husband is holding his nose. Apparently, you throw a mean elbow in your sleep.
10 You dream that something is crawling on you. You wake up and it is only your husband trying to get frisky. You have a better chance of getting slapped in the forehead buddy.

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KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Interruptions

1 You are telling your friend an interesting story and someone interrupts with something totally unrelated. You just can’t get the mojo back.
2 You gain the courage to tell your boyfriend something that you have been avoiding. You start to sweat and your hands are shaking. You feel like you are going to pass out and the doorbell rings. Literally, saved by the bell.
3 You are on the phone and your kid bothers you every two seconds no matter what threats you whisper to them. Somehow they understand your candy bribe and disappear once you give it to them.
4 You have an extreme bellyache with the sweats and are dying in peace in your bathroom until someone walks in without knocking. GET OUT!!
5 You are watching your favorite show and a big secret is about to be revealed. Too bad for you, the power went out. You can wait a little longer.
6 You have a moment for intimacy and completely lose yourself in the moment until you hear, “Mommy?” Kid, do you ever sleep?
7 You are dead tired and have a Saturday to sleep in a little later. Unfortunately, no one told the jackhammer outside.
8 You are taking a test and are distracted by someone talking out in the hallway and cannot concentrate.
9 Telling your doctor about your problem and they interrupt before you are finished because they are running behind. Hello?! Didn’t I come here for a reason. Don’t care?
10 The fire alarm goes off and you are forced to congregate outside even if you don’t have proper clothing. If this is a drill, why am I a frozen popsicle?

#blog #top10 #funny #interruptions

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

How to go broke

1 Buying lottery tickets every week and never winning. By the time you retire, you have already contributed a million dollars that you will never see again. Adios!
2 Buying memberships that you never use and then forgetting all about them since they automatically come out of your account. You have sucker written all over your forehead.
3 Getting married again after the first time failed. How much support do you really want to pay? Pretty soon you will be living in a tent.
4 Getting hair done, eyebrows waxed, manicures and pedicures when you can’t afford food. Time to put a bowl on your head and cut around it and paint those nails yourself. Who cares if it looks like a kid did it!! You are saving money.
5 Having a ridiculous monthly car payment on a fancy sports car. Is it fancy enough to live in, because that’s where you are heading?
6 Using your credit cards like they are gift cards. You do know you have to pay it back, right. This isn’t a shopping spree.
7 You are addicted to betting and bet on the dumbest things for a quick buck. Even with a fifty-fifty chance, you don’t stand a chance. The only luck you have is not winning.
8 You live paycheck to paycheck with no savings. Something breaks in the house and you are screwed. Now you are living in an eyesore.
9 Continuously buying things that you can’t afford because you need them to have fun.
10 Quitting your job before you have another one. You can’t ignore your bills. They will not go away.

#funny #top10 #blog #broke

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Windy Days

1 Can freeze you out by making it feel so much colder than it is.
2 Can make you look like an idiot by blowing something out of your hand and make you run around the parking lot trying to get it.
3 You realize that you shouldn’t have bothered to style your hair.
4 You can’t see where you are going since the wind made you look like you are wearing your hair backward.
5 After a windy night you have to go on a scavenger hunt in the neighborhood for your outdoor cushions.
6 If it’s raining, your umbrella is going to blow inside out and break. You are better off throwing it away instead of struggling with it.
7 If you are on the beach, you are getting pelted with sand and are not a happy camper.
8 A plane ride feels more like extreme rides in an amusement park.
9 If you just raked leaves and they are in piles in the street, you just wasted your time.
10 You need a torch to light your cigarette because the wind keeps blowing it out.

#blog #top10 #funny #wind

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Windy Days

1 Can freeze you out by making it feel so much colder than it is.
2 Can make you look like an idiot by blowing something out of your hand and make you run around the parking lot trying to get it.
3 You realize that you shouldn’t have bothered to style your hair.
4 You can’t see where you are going since the wind made you look like you are wearing your hair backward.
5 After a windy night you have to go on a scavenger hunt in the neighborhood for your outdoor cushions.
6 If it’s raining, your umbrella is going to blow inside out and break. You are better off throwing it away instead of struggling with it.
7 If you are on the beach, you are getting pelted with sand and are not a happy camper.
8 A plane ride feels more like extreme rides in an amusement park.
9 If you just raked leaves and they are in piles in the street, you just wasted your time.
10 You need a torch to light your cigarette because the wind keeps blowing it out.

#blog #top10 #funny #wind

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

What you expect vs. reality

1 You order something online and the item arrives ten times smaller than the picture.
2 You book a room and when you get there it looks thirty years older than the picture and needs cleaning.
3 You look forward to a meal at a restaurant and it’s so bad your dog wouldn’t touch it.
4 You land a fancy job with a big salary. The problem is no one told you half of it goes to the government.
5 You ask for a raise and get it. You also have double the work which you definitely didn’t ask for.
6 Your date is the hottest guy you ever saw. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have half a brain so you can’t have much of a conversation.
7 You are convinced that this is the year that you are getting your engagement ring. You open it up and it’s a pair of earrings. Now you wish they were boxing gloves.
8 You have a family dinner to share the love and bring everyone together. Instead, everyone is hurling insults and not speaking by the time they go home. Great idea!
9 You order a dress that you saw on a model in a catalog. When you put it on you look like a stuffed sausage.
10 You order fast food and pull away. When you get home everything is a disaster and you are mad as hell.

#blog #top10 #funny #expectationvsreality

KC Avalon’s Funny Top 10 Blog

Things that motivate me

1 vacation – I can see the light at the end of any tunnel if I have something to look forward to.
2 a good dessert – Tell me that you are taking me out to dinner and I will clean without one complaint thinking about that rich chocolatey dessert that I will savor with each heavenly bite.
3 Benjamins – money talks and makes me run instead of walk
4 Good pizza – Just send me the address and I won’t mind a nice, scenic car ride.
5 The beach- All of my troubles instantly melt away. Problems? I don’t have any.
6 Nice people – It feels great to be around people who truly enjoy your company and have nowhere better to be.
7 A great sale- It makes you feel like you got away with something and you can’t wait to tell everyone.
8 My doggies – They are excited just to have me walk through the door and help me forget the small stuff.
9 Presents 🎁- I love ❤️ presents no matter how old I am. I don’t get it when people say they don’t need presents. Over here!! I’ll take it.
10 Homemade chocolate chip cookies 🍪- They are yummy licious. I will even eat the cookie dough.

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