KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog-

How people pick out the winner at a horse race when betting:
1 You don’t know a thing about horses but go check out the horses before the race to see which one looks healthy. Yours is the horse that goes backwards out of the gate!
2 You strictly look at the horse’s name. The best name has to be a winner. No doubt.
3 You pick the gray horse. All the other horses are brown. Your special horse is going to win!
4 You look at the jockey’s birthdays. The one closest to your own has to be the luckiest and the best. Oh yea.
5 You pick the horse that looks like it has the most energy. Problem is, he tired himself out before the race even started. You may as well just throw your money onto the track.
6 You run around asking everyone else at the race who they like and bet on the favorite. What do you know? The favorite won but you have very little winnings to show for it.
7 Now it is time to go for the longshot horse. He is old but you put all of your faith in him. He falls behind and may not finish the race. Hell, he might not even live to the end of the race.
8 You look at the odds and pick out the horse who is going to pay decent money. Go big or go home baby.
9 You pick out a number on the program. Nothing else is working so why not?
10 You pick the littlest horse with the littlest jockey. You are going for speed because you are running out of ideas.

#blog #top10 #funny #horserace

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog-

Betting:
1 Seems like an easy way to make a living until you keep losing.
2 You were never so religious until you started gambling. You find yourself praying in public and making promises you can’t keep.
3 You find yourself rooting against your favorite team just to win a bet. Sacrilege!
4 You had one too many shots of tequila and were feeling invincible. Wait till sober you sees how much money you spent. Even Jose Cuervo is shaking his head in disgust.
5 You are at the casino and run out of cash. Stop hitting up the ATM! It is not free money!
6 You made a bold bet not realizing that a key player is injured. Looks like you were snookered.
7 If you aren’t a pirate, stay away from parlays. You poor newbies are walking the plank and don’t even know it.
8 Luck has nothing to do with winning. It’s all about probability, statistics, and your ability to be a mathemagician.
9 You find yourself betting on everything with friends. (I bet I can beat you in a race, eat more hot sauce than you, drink you under the table, pick a girl up quicker than you, and the list goes on.)
10 You risk too much money on a single bet because you think you know more than the bookies and are miraculously going to be a millionaire overnight. If you aren’t doing it to make the game more interesting to watch, you may as well wave the white flag.

#blog #top10 #funny #betting

KC AVALON’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Anyone with a competitive bone in their body cares about losing. People say the craziest things when they try to make losing look good:

1 It was a great game. (Well it would have been a great game if we won!)
2 Cheer up. There is always next year. (Oh great! Just what I wanted to hear. I get to wait another year.)
3 Losing is part of the game. (Next year I want to be drafted on the best team. I refuse to go through losing again.)
4 Losing doesn’t mean you failed. (OMG, that’s exactly what it means.)
5 It’s only a game. (If it is only a game, why do I bother playing?)
6 You may have lost but never give up. (Ok genius, that’s exactly what happened.)
7 You need to lose to appreciate winning. (I really don’t think so. I feel great when my professional sports teams win. No need to bore me with losing.)
8 Somebody needs to lose. (Yeah I don’t remember volunteering.)
9 Even though you lost, you really won. (I don’t know what you are smoking but maybe if you share, I will understand.)
10 The world loves a great loser. (That’s awesome because I am great at losing.)

#TopTen #blog #losing #funny

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog-

Snorkeling fails:

1 Hyperventilating because you are panic stricken when you spot a big fish. The fish won’t kill you but the snorkel will.
2 You want to explore but forget that you can only go so deep. Your snorkel tube goes under water and you are drinking the ocean.
3 You smile for an underwater pic and break your seal with the mouthpiece.
4 Your mask keeps fogging up. While everyone is oohing and aahing, you can’t see a thing.
5 You start choking on water and try to stand but find it hard to keep your balance because you feel like you have platypus feet with fins on.
6 You jump off a boat to go snorkeling and are intimidated when you see the shoreline further away than you would like.
7 You swim too close to coral and suddenly feel like you have been shanked. It catches you totally by surprise since you weren’t expecting to get cut.
8 You are enjoying the view and feel like you were stung by underwater wasps. Then you see the culprit is a jellyfish.
9 You use too much energy moving around instead of floating and start getting cramps and are tired before your group is done.
10 You are snorkeling with a buddy and they keep swimming away. What part of swim buddy don’t you get?

#snorkel #top10 #funny #blog

KC Avalon’s Funny Top 10 Blog

You might not be cut out for yoga if:

1 You fall asleep while stretching on your mat
2 You are disappointed the mats aren’t Twister mats
3 You can’t do downward dog without tooting
4 You get suffocated by your boobs when you bend over
5 You moan loudly every time you change a pose
6 You are sweating so bad in hot yoga that you slip in your sweat
7 Your body cramps up and you can’t get out of position
8 You are told to grab your leg behind you and lean forward. You wake up after class with a concussion.
9 Instead of finding inner peace, you curse like a sailor and become really pissed off.
10 The entire time you are in class you are devising an escape plan

#Top10 #Yoga #funny #blog

KC Avalon’s Funny Top 10 Blog

UFC fights

1 I am sure the money you make is way more than your hospital bill, but to me, it is not worth it.
2 Hold the entrance song! I think I need to go get sick. Oh yea, definitely sick. I may be a while. I may walk out the back door instead.
3 I have to agree that coming walking in to a good song with people cheering for you is super cool, but that’s about it.
4 Excuse me. This isn’t a girl. She is built like a man and is tatted up like a prisoner.
5 Hey, I am stuck in here. Where’s the door? The walls are a chain-link fence. It feels claustrophobic.
6 Oh God, it smells like sweat and blood in here. Gross. Did someone wipe this down with bleach?
7 Hey, put some socks on! Did you cut your toenails? Gross! Get your feet away from me.
8 Oh no! You have me in a chokehold! Your pits stink.
9 Is my nose supposed to be on the side of my face?
10 Thank God it’s over. I lost but I didn’t die. Give me a mirror. Who the heck is that? I look deformed. Where is my eye? Call a plastic surgeon.

#Top10 #MMAfight #blog #funny

KC Avalon’s Romance

Imagine meeting a man who you thought only existed in your dreams. He is remarkable in every way and you share an intense longing for one another. You are guaranteed a lifetime of happiness, or so you think until you find out there is competition. He is being drafted by the NBA. Can you handle loving a man whose fame threatens your happiness? Will he give in to temptation or you? Find out now in this book that you will not be able to put down until you get to the last page. The story Is set in Sea Isle City, NJ, and is a perfect summer beach read. https://www.amazon.com/Three-Key-KC-Avalon-ebook/dp/B07TKWNHMC

#beachread #romance #contemporary #love

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Rituals we believe will help our sport teams win:
1 Not shaving your beard until the season is over. How can you expect your team to win when you look like you have been in quarantine for years? Better be careful or the authorities may take you away to the loony bin.
2 Praying to God. Listen, God is a very busy man dealing with serious issues. What makes you think he will drop everything to answer your prayer on demand?
3 Wearing the same outfit as the last time they won. I would think every fan of that team would also have to wear the same exact outfit for this to even be a possibility.
4 You listen to certain music that pumps you up before the game. Now the rest of us have to deal with a super hyper fool.
5 You put a curse on the other team whenever they have the ball so that they will lose. Wow, you must be some kind of witch with all of that Abra Cadabra nonsense.
6 Using your rally towel to cheer on your team. Hit me with that towel one more time and I will wrap it around your neck.
7 Eating a certain meal before the game. Don’t worry about us. We aren’t hungry. We will just starve.
8 Standing in a certain spot while watching the game. Sit down! No one wants to look at you when they are trying to watch the game.
9 Holding a good luck charm. How do you plan to be a good host/hostess using one hand? Put that thing down and stop acting like a two year old.
10 Concentrating really hard so that you can send energy to help the team win. Don’t pop a brain cell over it. We don’t want your brain to overheat.

#blog #funny #topten #sportsrituals

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Funny things some beginner golfers do:
1 They try to hit the ball off of the tee but swing and miss. Again and again. Twenty shots later you are still going. This isn’t a batting range. Everyone is looking at you and barely swallowing their laugh. You finally pick the ball up and put it in your pocket and skip that hole. It’s probably just first hole stage fright because everyone watching.
2 You see everyone taking practice shots before they hit the ball. You do your best to make everyone think you know what you are doing. You tip the ball and it falls off the tee. NO don’t count that! I didn’t mean to hit it.
3 You try to kill the ball so that it goes the furthest. The macho man in you has to show how much power you have. Good job. Now your ball has hooked or sliced instead of going straight. Good luck finding it.
4 You hit the ball and cup you hand above your eyes to see how far it went. Wow it must be on the green! Hee hee hee. Your ball is right by your foot. Embarrassing.
5 You can’t hit the ball out of the sand. Sand is flying everywhere but the ball remains. The only thing you managed to do is dig a hole with your club.
6 You think you are too good for the golfing range. Anyone can hit a ball. You don’t need practice. Don’t be surprised when your friends don’t ask you to come along anymore because you take too long.
7 Overcompensating by buying ridiculously expensive equipment thinking it will make you play better. Hey buddy, you still play pathetic.
8 Throwing temper tantrums because you are playing lousy. Stringing curse words together and throwing clubs is not going to make your game better. You big donkey. Calm down or your game will get a whole lot worse.
9 You kick your ball or move it when no one is looking because you don’t like the location. Cheater!!
10 Hitting the ball at the same time as someone else on the green. This isn’t mini golf. You are disqualified.

#blog #blogger #topten #golfing

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Riding a bike isn’t as easy as when you were a kid:
1 I remember riding my bike all over the place. I went out recently thinking I wouldn’t get tired cruising around. Wrong. I was never more uncomfortable.
2 Looking at the seat is painful. Nevermind sitting on it. Ouch my sits bones are so sore.
3 There are two sets of numbers and gears. Oh boy. Guess I have to play around with it until I figure it out.
4 I tried to stand up on the pedals when my butt got numb. It helped and then I sat down again.
5 Here comes a hill. Here I go. I am pedaling like crazy. Yes! Up the hill I go. The bike is slowing down. Come on. Just a wee bit more. OMG I am going to go backwards. Let me lean forward. I made it!!!
6 I brought a drink. Let me take a sip. Missed my mouth. Went down my shirt. Almost fell off my bike.
7 Hit some sand. My bike tire is pulling away and I am starting to lose control. Somehow I regained my balance and recovered. Phew. Close one.
8 My bike has me leaning forward and my weight seems to be resting on my hands which have gone numb.
9 I finally get a break. I am going downhill. Whoa I’m traveling at the speed of light. I hope I don’t have to stop.
10 Hopefully I don’t experience this. The sky opens up and it is pouring. You are getting pelted with rain and your back tire is kicking up a bunch of yuk to your seat. Ugh!

#Blogger #Topten #biking