1 No matter who does something wrong, you are the one who gets yelled at because you should know better. 2 Your parents tried out their disciplining skills on you and gave up with the other kid. 3 You are expected to babysit for free. 4 You have a curfew and there is hell to pay if you are late. 5 You were never allowed to make a noise when they were sleeping. 6 The younger sibling made up stuff when they were mad at you and your parents believed them. 7 You are a parent with no authority years before your time. 8 You make your younger sibling your personal assistant until she dimes you out. 9 You send your little minion to ask mom and dad for things because she was too cute for them to say no to her. 10 You were like an explorer trying to see what you could get away with while the youngest got away with murder.
Why you should stay away from each other when you are mad:
1 You are Italian and like to throw things. (1,2,3 duck!) 2 You have a habit of bringing up incidents from years ago instead of the argument at hand. (I still haven’t forgiven you for being late on our wedding day. Now this!) 3 When you get mad you get irrational. (You always put me down and probably don’t like me.) 4 You get mad and go for the jugular. You will say anything to make the person mad. (Go ahead and play your video games! I will do everything as usual.) 5 Your spouse purposely uses “whatever” to get you going. (Oh no you didn’t!) 6 You are so competitive that you refuse to lose an argument. (Nope it was absolutely your fault.) 7 You have temper tantrums when you get angry. (You left the toilet seat up and I went for a swim!) Slam the door for effect. 8 You play the blame game. (You woke up in a bad mood and were looking to pick a fight.) 9 You haven’t learned how to say sorry. (Sorry for what?) 10 You are in a bad mood and picking a fight. (Who folded these towels!? A two-year-old could fold them better)
Negatives of living with a roommate other than your significant other:
1 You are saving money but your privacy has disappeared. Forget about walking around naked or having time to unwind and collect your thoughts. 2 Your roommate found a boyfriend and they always hang at your place. When you try and watch tv you hear the bed squeaking and when you try and sleep the banging against your wall makes you think that two more people might end up sleeping with you. 3 Your roommate eats all of your food and never replaces it. Oink Oink 4 Somehow when the rent is due, your roommate is broke. They can afford alcohol though. 5 Your clothes keep disappearing and your roommate denies taking them. You see her on social media in your shirts. Caught red handed. Liar. 6 You are meticulous but your roommate is a slob. 7 You have one bathroom but you can never get into it. They take such long showers that you are left with icicles. 8 You started out as best friends but you find out that you are complete opposites. Now you hate each other. It is so bad that you can’t remember why you ever liked them. Frenemies. 9 You have opposite schedules. When you try to sleep so that you can get up early, they are being loud or entertaining guests. 10 You agree to certain boundaries and rules and your roommate conveniently ignores them.
Signs you had enough quarantine time with your husband/wife:
1 You are using each other’s phrases and starting to dress alike. Creepy. 2 You finish each other’s sentences. Mindreader! 3 Their breathing is getting on your nerves. Why is it so loud? 4 The only alone time you get is when you use the bathroom. You consider hanging out in there a little more. 5 They have worn the same outfit for days. The very sight of them makes you mad. Smell ya later. 6 They haven’t showered or shaved for days. Excuse me. You might want to try a little harder to impress me. You are getting too comfortable. 7 Your spouse is eating everything in sight. Umm, this food is supposed to last for two weeks. 8 They say one word and you bite their head off. You temporarily lose your sanity. 9 When they wake you up in the middle of the night with loud snores, you want to smother them with your pillow. Just until the snoring stops. 10 You have turned into the Bickersons. Every conversation is a debate.
1 Riding shotgun – There are only 2 feet between the front and back seats. You might think it was in another car the way the kids carry on. 2 Taking the first shower – One sibling wasn’t interested in taking a shower until the other sibling said they were taking one. Before you know it, there is a race up the steps. 3 Who is going to help mom – One child isn’t interested until you ask the other child. Then they start fighting over who is going to help. 4 Who the dog loves more – The poor dog runs to one sibling and an all-out war starts about who the dog likes better. 5 Who is better at video games – The friendly dinner conversation turns into a food fight. 6 Who received the better Xmas gifts- They can’t just say both of us. Instead, there is a contest gift by gift to debate over which one is better. 7 The favorite child – Each child is convinced that they hold the title even though there is no favorite. 8 The remote is like the key to the kingdom. Wrestling breaks out and tv time becomes WWE. 9 Throwing your sibling under the bus to mom and dad – Oh there will be hell to pay as soon as you are out of sight from mom and dad’s watchful eyes. 10 Looking at each other- Mom, he is looking at me!! This drives you insane, especially when they fight over who is staring. Close your eyes.
Trying to go to bed without making any noise. You are just so tired that the only thing you can think about is your head hitting the pillow. If he wakes up, you know he is looking for some action.
1 Your bedroom is at the top of the stairs. You trip and slide down to the bottom in your effort to be quiet. It sounds like a bowling ball was thrown down the steps. 2 You keep the hall light off so that no light shines into the room. You forget that the door to your bedroom is closed and BAM, you walk right into it, and your husband thinks you are an intruder. 3 All of a sudden every floorboard squeaks and pops when you step on it. Are you kidding me? 4 You brush your teeth and knock everything over as you try to put your toothbrush back. 5 The dogs don’t recognize you with the lights off and begin barking like they never saw you before. 6 You take your clothes off so that you can change into your pajamas. As soon as your clothes hit the floor, his eyes fly open as if he has naked alerts set under his eyelids. 7 You manage to get safely under the covers and then have to cough or sneeze. Game over. 8 You forget to put your phone on silent and a text message wakes him up. Now he is wide awake looking for company. 9 You sit and lay in one smooth motion so that you are not detected. As soon as you cover yourself, you are captured by his arm snaking around you. 10 You trip over the laundry basket and wait it out on the floor as your dogs are staring at you over the side of the bed. Once you feel enough time has passed, you make y#Top10ve by standing up and he is smiling at you. He knew you were there the entire time. C’mon get in bed honey!
1 She is picky about her name and won’t even answer to Alexis or when I mistakenly call her Siri. 2 My husband argues with her constantly which means he is really nice to me. 3 You are watching television and Alexa suddenly starts playing music. What is going on? Does someone need attention? 4 You ask her to make a ghost noise and she plays a dog barking. Hmmm. 5 You call for Alexa and she ignores you until you start screaming. 6 You ask her to turn a light on and she says okay but nothing. Hello? 7 She is a tattletale that tells my husband about all of my purchases. Snitches get stitches. 8 You ask her how long to cook something and she recites a recipe. OMG 9 You ask her to add peanuts to your list and she adds a penis instead. 10 You curse and she says, “That’s not nice.” Who are you, my mother? You are the reason I am cursing.
1 “I better get home to my husband.” 2 “Any suggestions on what we should name our kids?” 3 “This is so embarrassing but I am allergic to your cologne.” 4 “I better get home to my kids. An hour is the longest they have been home alone.” 5 “Oh my God, our waiter is so hot! I have to get his number.” 6 Spill your drink on yourself then say you have to go home to change. 7 “I just saw my ex. He must be out of prison. I better go. If he sees me with you, he will kill you.” 8 “I am really not interested in sex anymore. I just need a companion. 9 “Are you paying for dinner? Oh good. I would like a bottle of your best wine and a whole lobster.” 10 Use bad manners. Talk and eat the entire time, burp, and yell for the waiter from across the room.
1 Getting lost but refusing to admit it. Instead, you say that you took the scenic way on purpose. 2 He blames every bad mood you have on PMS 😡. No, but when I get it, I will make sure it lasts a month just for you. The nerve!! This one deserves a slap instead of an eye roll. 3 If you show some emotion or talk a little louder, you are crazy or nuts. 4 When you try to talk to them while they are playing video games and they actually get mad because you got them killed 5 Make pooping an event that takes an hour. Just poop and get out! Why stay in there longer than you have to? 6 When you tell him all about the weekend plans and then the time comes and he acts surprised and says you never told him. 7 When we go for a midnight swim because you didn’t put the toilet seat down. 8 Taking off his socks and leaving them all over the house. 9 Driving with the seat reclined like you plan on taking a nap. Put that seat up and pay attention. You are driving, not watching TV in your living room. 10 Putting empty cartons back in the fridge instead of the trash can.
1 An expensive car that costs more than your annual salary. You have to drive 25 mph because you are too afraid to crash or even scratch the car. 2 Clothing that is brand new. Talk about pressure. It is an open invitation for food and drinks to drop all over the beautiful fabric. 3 Good jewelry – You drink too much and drop the earring somewhere in your house. You have to hope that you can crawl around every square inch of your house and find it before the vacuum does or your friend wants them back. 4 Luggage – The airline loses your luggage except it isn’t yours. There is no way you can afford to replace it. That is why you borrowed it in the first place. 5 Shoes – They are more than your paycheck but look so sparkly. You stepped in some mud and there is no way to save these shoes. 6 You lose the item you borrowed and replace it. When you return it, your friend has a strange look on her face but she is too polite to tell you that this is nothing like what you borrowed. 7 You dent her car but it is on the passenger’s side so maybe by the time she notices, she will think it was her. 8 You borrow something and forget to return it. By the time your friend asks for it back, you have no clue where it is. 9 You stay at your friends luxurious house for the weekend but are so afraid to ruin anything that you stress yourself out and forget to have fun. 10 You borrow a chainsaw to cut down a tree but have no clue what you are doing. The tree falls into your neighbors house. Oops 😬 timber!