1 Getting lost but refusing to admit it. Instead, you say that you took the scenic way on purpose. 2 He blames every bad mood you have on PMS 😡. No, but when I get it, I will make sure it lasts a month just for you. The nerve!! This one deserves a slap instead of an eye roll. 3 If you show some emotion or talk a little louder, you are crazy or nuts. 4 When you try to talk to them while they are playing video games and they actually get mad because you got them killed 5 Make pooping an event that takes an hour. Just poop and get out! Why stay in there longer than you have to? 6 When you tell him all about the weekend plans and then the time comes and he acts surprised and says you never told him. 7 When we go for a midnight swim because you didn’t put the toilet seat down. 8 Taking off his socks and leaving them all over the house. 9 Driving with the seat reclined like you plan on taking a nap. Put that seat up and pay attention. You are driving, not watching TV in your living room. 10 Putting empty cartons back in the fridge instead of the trash can.
1 An expensive car that costs more than your annual salary. You have to drive 25 mph because you are too afraid to crash or even scratch the car. 2 Clothing that is brand new. Talk about pressure. It is an open invitation for food and drinks to drop all over the beautiful fabric. 3 Good jewelry – You drink too much and drop the earring somewhere in your house. You have to hope that you can crawl around every square inch of your house and find it before the vacuum does or your friend wants them back. 4 Luggage – The airline loses your luggage except it isn’t yours. There is no way you can afford to replace it. That is why you borrowed it in the first place. 5 Shoes – They are more than your paycheck but look so sparkly. You stepped in some mud and there is no way to save these shoes. 6 You lose the item you borrowed and replace it. When you return it, your friend has a strange look on her face but she is too polite to tell you that this is nothing like what you borrowed. 7 You dent her car but it is on the passenger’s side so maybe by the time she notices, she will think it was her. 8 You borrow something and forget to return it. By the time your friend asks for it back, you have no clue where it is. 9 You stay at your friends luxurious house for the weekend but are so afraid to ruin anything that you stress yourself out and forget to have fun. 10 You borrow a chainsaw to cut down a tree but have no clue what you are doing. The tree falls into your neighbors house. Oops 😬 timber!
1 Someone who pays attention to you. You shouldn’t have to smack the phone out of their hand. 2 Someone who compliments your looks without giving unwanted advice on your exercise, eating habits, or fashion sense. If you open your mouth, make it worthwhile. 3 Someone who doesn’t need mothering. We want a partner in crime not an overgrown child who needs to be taken care of and whines. 4 Someone who shares the same interests. If you are a sports fanatic and your partner has no interest, it’s like talking to someone who speaks a foreign language. 5 Someone with a little ambition. A couch potato isn’t a job. 6 Someone with good manners. If you can’t treat strangers nice, you need to show yourself the door. 7 Someone with a sense of humor. It’s okay to be serious but bust a smile once in a while and be willing to die laughing. 8 Someone who has some looks and brains. Looks are great but you need to be able to use your noodle. 9 Someone willing to put in the work. Relationships are hard and walking away is too easy. Step up to the plate and finish what you started. 10 Someone who doesn’t play games. Board games are fun but head games are exhausting. No time to stroke that ego.
1 Your temper has a mind of its own. One little comment can put you right over the edge and unleashes the tasmanian devil. 2 You eat six meals a day and are still hungry. 3 You are bleeding every month now and have to wear a diaper instead of a bandaid. It somehow makes you a woman but it is a punishment. 4 You wake up one day and your voice sounds like Darth Vader. Whoa, what the heck? 5 Every time you look at a hot girl it feels like you are pitching a tent and it won’t go down. 6 You have these beautiful boobs and just want to show them off every chance you get. Your mom lectures you on the importance of wearing a bra. 7 You wash your face constantly and it looks like a pizza. 8 Your parents constantly get on your nerves and suddenly their stories are embarrassing to you. 9 You have to shave and it is an ordeal that is dangerous. The worst part is that it keeps growing back and you have to shave two days later. 10 Something smells like a hoagie. You have no idea it is you until your mom buys you body sprays and deodorant.
1 He lies about his salary to impress her. He says he makes 3 figures a week. Well, $400 is 3 figures. 2 She tells him he is so funny even though she really doesn’t get his jokes at all. She lets out a fake laugh that is so loud because she really wants to cry. 3 He says he has a place of his own but neglects to say he has 3 other roommates. His room is his own. 4 She says she is fine splitting the check when he asks. Honey, you will never see her again. You can’t open that wallet for a first date? C’ya. 5 He makes his last breakup seem mutual and embellishes a bit so that you don’t think any less of him. He is looking to impress you instead of telling you his stalking habits after the breakup. 6 She doesn’t tell you about her child, because it’s a little detail that she can surprise you with some other time. 7 He tells you how busy he is all the time because you wouldn’t ask for a second date if you knew that he was a couch potato who preferred to stay home. 8 She says that she runs when he asks about working out. Truth is, she runs around, but not to the gym. 9 He says he loves romantic comedies because he knows you will think he is awesome. Hopefully, you will forget if the relationship lasts. 10 She says she isn’t much of a drinker but that tonight is a special occasion. She can really knock them back because she is a boozehound.
1 He shows up on a bike, and it’s not a motorcycle. 2 She drinks too much and throws up on you when you make a move. 3 He shows up with a reinforcement. Umm no, three is a crowd. 4 She forgets your name and attempts to remember by using the wrong one. 5 He gets out a calculator to figure out who pays for what. 6 She talks negatively about her ex the whole time. It seems like she doesn’t even like men. 7 He brings you back to his place, except it isn’t his place. His room is in the basement of his mom’s house, and he is thirty. 8 She doesn’t make eye contact with you the entire night. However, she flirts with the waiter and doesn’t hide the fact that he left his number on the bill. 9 He tells you to dress nicely. You wear a cute red dress, and he shows up in a Grateful Dead shirt and jeans. 10 She tells you she is looking for a serious relationship and wants to have a baby within the next year. Run!!
1 You never get to finish a show because he keeps channel surfing every commercial. Maybe he thinks he will gain more knowledge the more shows he watches. 2 He shouldn’t have too much luxury since we were the remote controls when we were kids. Our parents just yelled out the channel they wanted us to turn on. 3 He keeps rewinding sports when he doesn’t agree with the referee. He proves his point by watching it over and over. 4 Who made him the king of the remote? He might not play video games, but his thumbs twitch when he sees a remote. It makes him powerful. 5 He loves slow motion and every good sports play has to be watched again and then in slo mo. 6 Give him a recliner and a remote and he is a man possessed. He forgets there is anyone else in the room. 7 You have to negotiate to get the remote away from him. His fingers have to be pried off. 8 He gets a feeling of accomplishment watching the dvr and zapping all of the commercials. He is like a superhero saving all kinds of time. 9 With the voice app he gets to boss around the remote just like poor Alexa. 10 He flies into a panic when he can’t find his remote. It’s like telling him that someone drank all of his beer.
1 You talk in a soft sex kitten voice and he yells ,”Why are you whispering? For God’s sake, Speak up!.” 2 You go into the bathroom to slip into something comfortable. When you come out, someone is passed out and sawing wood. 3 You splash 💦 on a little perfume, and your hubby has a full blown asthma attack. There goes the mood. 4 You put on a new outfit and he asks, “What the hell are you wearing?” 😡 Well you won’t be seeing me wear nothing! 5 You try to get his attention by dancing and he says, “I hope you are doing that for the dogs 🐶.” 6 Meeting your husband at the door in your birthday suit, except it isn’t him. My apologies. 7 You send your husband a text message telling him what you are going to do to him when he gets home. Problem is his boss was in the car too when siri reads the message out loud. Awkward. 8 You decide to use handcuffs and can’t find the key afterwards. His parents will be there in an hour for the weekend. This one will be hard to explain. 9 You forgot to close the windows. Now the whole neighborhood knows what you did. 10 You try to use the bedpost as a strippers pole. It’s not THAT sturdy. Timber! You have to pick yourself up off the floor.
1 You tell on yourself five seconds into the lie. You just can’t do it. 2 Your poker face is so bad that everyone folds when you have a good hand. How are you supposed to make any money? 3 Your voice goes high at the part where you are lying. Sounds like you sucked on some helium. 4 You can’t make eye contact with the person you are lying to. Instead you look up at the sky as if you are begging God for forgiveness. 5 You are so nervous you take a drink but it’s like truth serum. There’s no way you can lie now. 6 You are sweating profusely because lying makes you uncomfortable. You are saved only because the person you are talking to thinks you are sick and allows you to excuse yourself. 7 You are stumbling over your words and can’t stop stuttering. It is very obvious that you are lying. 8 Your hands won’t stay still and are swinging all over the place. 9 You told the lie but didn’t count on questions being asked. Help!! Somebody. Anybody? 10 You are talking so fast to get it over with but the person didn’t understand a word that came out of your trap. Quick. Run away!
1 She keeps her money in her G string and never carries a wallet 2 She wears high heels to bed every night 3 She pays for the $150 dinner with all ones 4 She greets your family with lap dances 5 Every time she goes to the ATM, she makes it rain 6 Every time she walks past a fire station, she dances on the pole and is disappointed when no one gives her money 7 You take her to a strip club and when you look over at her, she is naked 8 Somehow your penis always has glitter on it 9 Her first name sounds like a stage name, and she said she doesn’t have a last name 10 She has a cleaning routine that ends when the song is done