1 You hate it so much that you keep an ironing pile and only do it if someone specifically asks. Otherwise, in the trash you go, after the person forgets about it. Out of sight, out of mind. 2 Cranking up the heat and putting an iron shaped hole in your shirt. What a waste of time! 3 You are the world’s worst ironer. You take great care in ironing the front and back, yet your clothes have more wrinkles than when you began. 4 For some reason your husband’s $500 suit has shiny marks on it now. Someone is in big trouble. Wasn’t me. 5 You don’t own an ironing board and use whatever flat surface you can. I guess no one told you that wood floors, carpets, and plastic tables aren’t a good choice. If you were a superhero, you would be the scorcher. 6 You don’t pay close enough attention until the iron bumps into your skin. Wakeup call! Yowch! 7 You think you are a brainiac and try to straighten your hair with a regular iron. What ever were you thinking? Oh boy, you really don’t want to look in a mirror right now. Your hair is fried. 8 Your ironing board has a better chance of being used as a surfboard. More fun too! 9 You tell yourself that no one will notice if you don’t iron your clothes. Wrinkles are a fashion statement. 10 Some people say ironing relaxes them. You aren’t one of them. You need to sign up for anger management after ironing one item.
1 You get sent to find a tool you never even heard of then get yelled at for bringing back the wrong thing. Maybe you should have described it better. 2 You become the hold this and hold that person because he needs more than two hands. 3 You get sent across the street to borrow something. Why do you have to go? Now you look unprepared. 4 You are so excited to bang a few nails or cut some wood with the power saw only to find out you won’t be doing that because he doesn’t want you to get hurt when you are already dying of boredom. 5 You ask him questions so you can understand what’s going on and he tells you he doesn’t have time to get into all if that because he is trying to get done. 6 Instead of learning the job at hand you are getting drinks and making sandwiches. 7 What does picking up your trash and cleaning your mess have to do with this? 8 He screws up and blames it on you. I don’t think so. 9 You thought it was going to be fun but you keep getting yelled at. I quit!! Oh yea I’m not getting paid. 10 You try to walk away when you had enough and he holds you hostage because you live there for free and need to earn your place to sleep.
Damn fly!: 1 It all starts when someone comes into the house with an unwanted friend, the fly! You are trying to cook and the pesky fly wants some food too. 2 You track it from room to room like a spy with your rolled-up magazine. It is flying like a Top Gun MiG. It’s okay. It has to slow down sooner or later and you will be waiting. 3 Now the sucker is doing unauthorized flybys with your dog. Your poor pup is defenseless and his swinging paws are too slow to keep up with the fly’s maneuvers. 4 Boy, this fly has some big balls when he lands on your nose. He must be feeling brave and makes you look like a chump in front of your family. 5 After dinner, you see him on one of the plates as you are cleaning up. You grab your weapon. Swing and a miss. Strike. The next swings lands and it is a success. Dead. He got what he deserved. 6 You are watching tv feeling peaceful since you aren’t being bothered. Then you see a fly on the tv. Oh, it better be part of the show you are watching. As if the fly is mocking you, it flies into the room to show you it is in your house. Where did this fly come from? 7 You haven’t seen the bugger all night so you assume it is gone. You are about to fall asleep when you hear the old buzzard dive-bombing around you. Are you kidding me!! You hope it flies to another room but it continues to dive-bomb. You are so angry that you blindly throw an air punch that connects with your lamp. Kapow! 8 Now you have a broken lamp and a fly who refuses to give up. This is war!! It is time to bring in the big guns. This poor sucker has no idea who he just messed with. It’s time for the Godfather to deliver the kiss of death. You woke your husband up with all of the racket and he is not happy with the fly. 9 Your husband is not an amateur when it comes to killing flies. He can catch one with his bare hands. He winds up and with a swift silent blow, the job is done. 10 The next day you are at the beach and you get bit. Ouch! It is a greenhead horse fly and it drew blood. Of course. It is a land breeze. You win the battle by swimming in the ocean until you turn into a prune. Bye-bye fly.
1 They look the same. You should be able to notice a difference. 👀 There should be some clue. 2 The truck barely pulls away and you catch your dog poppin a squat on the clean carpet. 3 By the looks of the old carpet you realize that you should have thrown it in the dumpster. 4 Your carpet looks and feels like a marsh after it is done. Too much water 💦 Squish squish 5 Your husband trudges in the house with his work boots 🥾 on. You start cursing 🤬 in Italian and you don’t even know Italian. 6 Your carpet stretched after cleaning and you have ripples through the house. 7 You clean a stain and think you did a great job then it reappears a few days later. It’s like a bad nightmare that refuses to go away. 8 You had to work and your neighbor said the workers were done in an hour. Wow a 4 bedroom house? Neighbor said they must be good. Um yea its the art of illusion as in they pretended to work. Abra Cadabra. 9 You have a clean carpet but now your walls are all scuffed up from the workers banging the hoses into your walls. 10 Your body decides to get a virus and revolt against you. You hurl all over the place like you are possessed by a demon. Time for wood floors!
You know it’s time to throw stuff out when: 1 You have clothes for every occasion: painting, knocking around in, time of the month, in case you lose weight 2 You have manuals for things you don’t own anymore. 3 You have college books from 20 years ago just in case you need to look something up. 4 You have leftover cans of paint for every time you ever painted. Maybe you can have a craft night. 5 You have menus for every establishment in the state. You have to have options. 6 You have a drawer of unmatched socks just in case the other one decides to show up. 7 You have a whole box of cords and no idea where they belong. 8 Books you read and don’t want to get rid of even though you will never read them again. 9 Gowns from every wedding you have been in including your own. Unless you are opening up a dress shop move on. 10 Your drug cabinets. You have things so old it will kill you instead of making you better.