1 Pulling out in front of someone when there are no cars for miles behind them. Someone is looking for a beating. 2 Someone who obviously didn’t wash their hands in the bathroom and comes out trying to put their paws all over you. Ewww, get away!! 3 When someone blocks you in a parking lot because there were no more spots. They made their own parking space then fell off the face of the earth. Now what genius? Bumper cars anyone? 4 Seeing a bunch of people waiting in line and jumping to the front like you are a VIP. You are more like a donkey. What did you think all of those people were doing? Waiting for a bus? 5 Someone sitting right on top of you when there are plenty of empty seats around you. Quick, start coughing. 6 Eating something in the fridge that you know someone else was looking forward to but not caring. Really? Game on stupid. 7 Borrowing someone’s car and not filling it up with gas. They get ready to go to work and there are only fumes left. 8 Asking a woman if she is pregnant without having a clue. Thanks, buddy. I am still trying to lose my baby weight from the birth of my son. He is 20. 9 Telling secrets about people as if you are in a soundproof room. I can hear you! You may want to work on your whispering skills. 10 Texting while walking through a parking lot without paying attention to your surroundings. Don’t be surprised if you land on the hood of someone’s car or under the tires.
1 When you pee, it smells like a fresh pot of coffee. 2 You are so wired that you don’t need wifi 3 You don’t add water to the coffee pot. You drink it straight up 4 Instead of a coffee mug you drink straight out of the coffee pot 5 You answer the door before people knock 6 You can hold both sides of a conversation 7 Your heart feels like a drum solo 8 You talk faster than an auctioneer 9 You want to be cremated just so you can be in a coffee can 10 Your eyes are so bugged out that there are no pupils
1 The cars on the street where you just parallel parked looks like a demolition derby 2 You make your turns on two wheels 3 When the light turns green, you take off like a bat out of hell and drive like you are in a drag race 4 You put your makeup on and eat breakfast while you are driving 5 Your bumpers are rainbow-colored from hitting other cars 6 Everyone else offers to drive when you go out. You think you have the nicest friends when in reality, they pray that they get back in one piece when you drive. 7 Your navigation says to stop in 500 feet to let it out 8 Your mirror is hanging off your car. That’s ok. You only needed one anyway. 9 Your passenger is putting on their fake brakes and holding on for dear life 10 You drive the wrong way down a one-way street and curse everyone else out for going the wrong way
1 Getting lost but refusing to admit it. Instead, you say that you took the scenic way on purpose. 2 He blames every bad mood you have on PMS 😡. No, but when I get it, I will make sure it lasts a month just for you. The nerve!! This one deserves a slap instead of an eye roll. 3 If you show some emotion or talk a little louder, you are crazy or nuts. 4 When you try to talk to them while they are playing video games and they actually get mad because you got them killed 5 Make pooping an event that takes an hour. Just poop and get out! Why stay in there longer than you have to? 6 When you tell him all about the weekend plans and then the time comes and he acts surprised and says you never told him. 7 When we go for a midnight swim because you didn’t put the toilet seat down. 8 Taking off his socks and leaving them all over the house. 9 Driving with the seat reclined like you plan on taking a nap. Put that seat up and pay attention. You are driving, not watching TV in your living room. 10 Putting empty cartons back in the fridge instead of the trash can.
1 You throw some blonde highlights in your dark hair and look like a bengal tiger. 2 There is more dye on the floor, sink, and your shirt than on your head. 3 Not only did you dye your hair but your ears and side of your face match too. 4 You try to dye your brows. Either they fall out or you look like a theatrical nightmare. 5 Your scalp has an allergic reaction to the dye. Yikes! 6 You leave it in too long and you look like the mistress of darkness. 7 Your hair is long and one box isn’t gonna do it. Everyone in the store is looking at the crazy lady who ran in like a bat out of hell with dye in her hair. 8 You close yourself in the bathroom with all the windows closed breathing in nasty fumes. You are killing brain cells by the second. 9 You put so much bleach in your hair and it is dried out. You are surprised when a horse mistakes your hair for hay. 10 You think you are a chemist and mix two boxes of color together. Give your hair a break. It’s not a science project.
1 Your desk keeps moving closer to the door. 2 Everyone goes out to lunch leaving you to answer the phones. 3 You are the only one with a cubicle. 4 The person who sits next to you emails you instead of talking 5 Everyone gets a summer vacation but you can’t take yours until winter. 6 They set the alarm when you are in the bathroom. When you come out, the police are there. 7 All of the irate customer calls are transferred to you. 8 You haven’t received a raise in 10 years but everyone else has. 9 Your parking spot is the furthest away from the office. 10 Your paycheck bounces every time you try and cash it.
1 You cough so hard, that it feels like you did 100 sit-ups 2 Your nose is stuffed so you blow it and nothing happens. You blow harder and your ear blows out and starts ringing. 3 You keep waiting to take your meds again because you feel like death. Four more hours to go. 4 Your room is filling up with dirty tissues. Pretty soon your husband won’t be able to find you. 5 Every time you try to eat, the food tastes like it went bad. 6 You see yourself in the mirror and look like something that came out of a horror movie. 7 You coughed so much that your voice sounds horrific. 8 Don’t bother looking up your symptoms. You are dead. 9 You start to wonder if alcohol will work better since the meds aren’t doing the trick. 10 You are so sick that Alexa is ignoring you so she doesn’t get sick.
1 Don’t worry. I only had two beers. It takes a six-pack before I start bouncing off of curbs. 2 I was only going 80 mph. You should have stopped the other guy. He flew past me and was probably going at least 90 mph. If I didn’t stop, you never would have caught me. 3 Officer, I am really in a hurry right now. Can you speed this process up? 4 So how much money will it take to make this go away? 5 You are a little grouchy tonight. You must not have eaten your doughnut. 6 Oh… you are giving me a speeding ticket? Thank God. I thought you were pulling me over for smoking weed. 7 Oops I think I just handed you my fake ID. Here you go. This is the real one. 8 Whatever you do, please don’t ask me to pop my trunk. 9 How would you like to climb in the back seat with me and show me your big gun. I will take my clothes off so you can frisk me. 10 Well you see, I dropped my gun while I was driving. I tried to pick it up and then knocked my beer over. I thought my car was going to stop, but I must have hit the gas pedal instead. It is a little hard to drive when you are trying to clean up.
1 You work at an oral surgeon’s office and are terrified to fall asleep for fear of waking up in the chair. 2 You look at the tools on the tray in the room, and they remind you of torture scenes in movies. 3 You hear someone moan or cry out in another room, and your first thought is to get the hell out of there as fast as possible. 4 You hear the drill, and your teeth instantly hurt. 5 The dentist insists on asking you questions when working on your mouth. How can you hold a conversation with tools and hands in your mouth? 6 Even better, you are trying to answer when they tell you to rinse out. The problem is, you have a bloody string of spit hanging from your lips that won’t go away. 7 The dentist comes at you with a big needle, and you can’t help but wonder if you just took your last breath. 8 The dentist puts a nitrous mask over your nose and mouth, and you hope you don’t wake up in the trunk of your kidnapper’s car. 9 You feel like you went to first base with someone you never wanted to get to know better. 10 You feel like you are being held prisoner with your mouth open forever. The longer you sit, the more you hate the dentist. You find yourself getting agitated and want to yell, “Hurry up already!”
1 You drink 8 ounces and pee out 32. 2 You constantly get the urge that you better go and when you do, it is 2 drops. 3 You cough or sneeze and it’s all over. Time to carry extra underwear. 4 You can’t walk by fountains anymore. They instantly make you have to go. 5 You get stuck in traffic and are in panic mode because you didn’t allow for extra time. Two hours is your limit. 6 You have to pee before you make your way home from work and your commute is only 30 minutes. 7 Peeing is now part of your sleep routine. You can’t get more than four hours of sleep without a bathroom break. 8 You try holding it for as long as possible. Once you give in, you have to go ten more times. 9 When you are pregnant, your baby kicks and you have to run for the bathroom. 10 You have to live in Florida because cold weather makes you pee.