1 He turns into a weatherman and can’t resist telling you the temperature when he sees you going out for the night. 2 When you ask for something he tells you to ask your mother. She says to ask your father. You get bounced around like a ping pong ball. 3 He can’t resist putting “When I was your age” into a story. Four score and two hundred years ago. 4 He acts like a big spender when he hands you a $20 bill like it’s a hundred then says, “Don’t spend it all in one place.” 5 He loves when someone stands in front of the TV so he can tell you that you make a better door than a window. 6 He can’t resist using wacky sayings like “He folded like a cheap lawn chair.” Oh boy we better get pops outta here. 7 You ask for an ice cream and he answers with, “What am I a millionaire?” Not even close you big spender. 8 When he says, “Don’t tell mom. This will be our little secret.” You got him now! Let the bribery begin. 9 Dad always knows when you touch his thermostat. He is like the Gollum in Lord of the Rings. My precious! 10 “I need to make a quick stop.” Next time you get no drinks before traveling. It’s pretty bad when you see more rest stops them land marks on your road trip.
When you need a vacation so bad: 1 You go to your destination only to find out that you can’t leave your room for 14 days. By the time you get out, vacation is over. 2 You have a beach house and are finished serving the required quarantine. Jokes on you. Everything is still closed. It’s like you woke up after the season was over. 3 If you are single, pick a resort and a random stranger and inform them that you decided to quarantine with them for some fun. 4 Camp out on the beach for a change of scenery. 5 The only vacation you can take is a virtual vacation on Google Earth. You have been all around the world. I am a world class traveler. 6 You turned your house into a resort. The club is in the basement, restaurant in the kitchen, spa in the bathroom, gym in the living room and pool in the backyard. 7 Your candlelight dinners have become curbside pickups shared in the car with the headlights on. 8 You took a road trip and never got out of the car. 9 You took a cruise and didn’t realize that you would not be allowed to come out of your shoe box of a room. Your meals are left outside of your door. 10 The only way to visit your neighbors is through the lens of your telescope.
Happy Mother’s Day!! Today it is your right to drive your kiddos a little crazy with some role reversal. 1 Wait until they sit down and get nice and comfy then ask for something to eat or drink. 2 Take their car out and use all of their gas so they have to fill up their car next time they drive it. 3 Since they never write down when they use the last of something, hide all the batteries so that they are out of luck when their controller turns off. Too bad. 4 Talk non stop when they are watching their favorite show. 5 Leave your stuff all over their play room floor and see how they like it. 6 Tell someone what your kid said about them or rat on them to dad. 7 Jump up and down on their bed when they are sleeping. 8 Bust in on them when they are in the bathroom. 9 Ignore them when they call your name and make them repeat themselves a few times. 10 Put saran wrap over the toilet so that it gets everywhere when they pee. It’s not like they can hit the target anyway.