KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog-

Why Diets Can Fail:
1 You want to lose thirty pounds by the weekend and will do whatever it takes.
2 You get on the scale the day after starting your diet and are disappointed by the numbers. That’s it, I’m done. Pass the cookies.
3 You go on a diet the day before vacation and make everyone miserable including yourself. Just eat already.
4 You are so hungry by dinner that you pull up a chair to the refrigerator and dig in.
5 To lose weight you will not eat more than 500 calories a day. Period.
6 You want to lose weight without exercising.
7 You can’t understand why you aren’t losing weight after drinking a case of beer.
8 You trust a restaurant to feed you the right portions for your diet.
9 You forget to account for everything you ate. You already told yourself the candy bar was because you were stressed and the doritos were because you worked hard and deserved it.
10 You misread food labels and ate about 8 servings too many. Oh boy.

#blogger #topten #dietfails

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Your partying days might be over if:
1 The party starts at 10 p.m., and that is your bedtime.
2 Loud music hurts your ears. You need to wear earplugs now.
3 You are tired of piecing your nights together to figure out what happened the night before.
4 Taking strangers home to your bed creeps you out.
5 It takes the entire weekend to recover from a hangover.
6 You are the oldest person there.
7 You can no longer tolerate cheap beer and liquor. Your tastes are more refined.
8 You are tired of praying to the porcelain princess.
9 Pregaming is out of the question because your body can’t take it anymore.
10 The majority of your fridge is food rather than alcohol.

#blog #top10 #funny #partying

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog-

Eating ribs:

1 If someone shows up to dinner with a fork and knife, show them the door. What an embarrassment.
2 It turns you into a savage and you just can’t get enough.
3 If you don’t look a mess, you aren’t eating them right.
4 I’m sorry, I can’t pass that dish right now. I am slathered in bbq sauce.
5 They are so delicious that if you don’t have a pile of bones in your plate, you shouldn’t be eating.
6 If that bone isn’t clean, keep going.
7 Forget the paper bib, it’s expected to have bbq sauce everywhere.
8 When you are done, you feel like you died and went to heaven.
9 Don’t expect much conversation at the table other than mmmm.
10 I don’t need a napkin, I will lick my fingers to clean them.

#blog #top10 #funny #ribs

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Eating:

1 Every time you wear white, your food decides to splatter and you look like a paint splattered canvas.
2 You have a piece of oregano stuck in your tooth. No one tells you so you look like a rapper with a black cap on your tooth.
3 You have spaghetti hanging from your mouth. Do you slurp or cut it off with your teeth and let it fall back in your plate. Either way it’s not looking good.
4 You bite into a slice of burning hot pizza and get mozzarella cheese stuck on the roof of your mouth.
5 You eat a cherry popsicle and your lips, teeth and tongue are bright red.
6 You are eating an ice cream cone on a hot day. It is melting so fast and you are doing everything within your power to eat it neatly. Unfortunately you are making a big mess out of your clothes and the sidewalk.
7 You go to a Japanese restaurant where they cook in front of you. You have glasses on and the chef insists on trying to throw it in your mouth. The first one goes down your shirt. The second one lands on your glasses like a bird hitting a window.
8 You are eating PB & J and jelly jumps out onto your shirt.
9 You take a bite out of your taco and everything falls out onto your plate.
10 Your meatball sandwich is delicious until you lose your poor meatball in your lap. Splat.

#top10 #funny #blog #eating

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Drinking coffee:

1 You go to take a sip and get 16 ounces all over you, the floor, and anything else in the area. All because the lid wasn’t on all the way.
2 You constantly have to warm your cup up because it gets cold every ten minutes.
3 Fresh brewed coffee makes you happy. You can smell it a block away and it smells delicious.
4 Your coffee is like a dessert with your special creamer and starbucks orders.
5 You sound like an auctioneer after drinking a big cup.
6 You want to talk? I can’t think before I’m done drinking coffee.
7 It was your turn to make the office coffee. You put so much that no one could sleep that night.
8 You waited to enjoy a cup of afternoon coffee. You are asked to do something at work and your coffee is cold when you get back to it.
9 You are sad to see your last sip since you savored every drop and want to keep going.
10 Ordering at Starbucks is a whole other language and intimidating. It’s like you stepped into another dimension when the barista asks tall, grande, venti? Want any pumps or shots? You just want coffee and are trying to figure out macchiato, latte, frappuccino, americano.

#blog #top10 #funny #coffee

KC Avalon’s Funny Top Ten Blog

Forgetting you have a mask on:

1 You try and pop food in your mouth and it falls to the floor.
2 You try to give your puppies a kiss, and they don’t appreciate you coming at them with a mask on.
3 You try to lick an envelope. Good job dumb dumb. You successfully licked the inside of your mask.
4 You put lip gloss on and it’s smeared all over your face and mask.
5 You give people big smiles, only they can’t see them. What a waste.
6 You sneeze and it is as bad as cleaning a dirty diaper.
7 We mouth words to someone as if they can read lips through our mask.
8 We forget to talk a little louder so that we can be heard. Instead we sound like mumbles with a mouth full of rocks.
9 You eat something for lunch that doesn’t smell so great blowing back in your face all afternoon.
10 You can no longer let your draw drop to the floor when someone tells you something shocking.

#blog #funny #top10 #mask

KC Avalon’s Funny Top 10 Blog

When you are trying to diet:

1 Your kids want to get ice cream.
2 Your husband wants to take you out to dinner.
3 Everyone suddenly eats in front of you and you want to throw their food in the trash can.
4 Your guests bring your favorite cake when they visit.
5 You decide to have a cheat day on the first day and start again tomorrow.
6 You are starving and can’t deal with the hunger pains and eat everything in sight for dinner.
7 Everyone seems to want to give you dieting advice and questions every little thing that you eat but you don’t remember asking.
8 You have to sneak down to the kitchen in the middle of the night so that no one sees you cheating.
9 You are giving your salad dirty looks while the person next to you is eating a to die for cheeseburger and shake.
10 Every commercial on the TV is about food.

#top10 #blog #funny #diet

KC Avalon’s Funny Top 10 Blog

If you’re trying to get a big tip:

1 Don’t look like you are about to kill someone. Turn that frown upside down.
2 Don’t rush your guests by bringing food before they are ready. It’s nice to have time to chew and enjoy the experience instead of it feeling like a food eating contest.
3 Don’t hide from me. I don’t want to play hide and seek.
4 Be attentive to when your customer wants another drink. Not everyone is a two beer mouseketeer.
5 If you are going to flirt with my man, send some sugar my way too or you don’t stand a chance.
6 Don’t make me track you down for my bill. It’s not like I am looking forward to paying.
7 Don’t correct my pronunciation of the meal and make me feel stupid. I don’t need lessons
8 Don’t tell me something costs extra like I can’t afford it.
9 If you don’t know about a menu item, find out. “I don’t know” looks like you don’t work there.
10 Don’t put the check in front of me just because I look like the oldest one at the table. Let someone else reach for their wallet.

#blog #top10 #funny #tips

KC Avalon’s Funny Top 10 Blog

Signs You Drink too Much Coffee:

1 When you pee, it smells like a fresh pot of coffee.
2 You are so wired that you don’t need wifi
3 You don’t add water to the coffee pot. You drink it straight up
4 Instead of a coffee mug you drink straight out of the coffee pot
5 You answer the door before people knock
6 You can hold both sides of a conversation
7 Your heart feels like a drum solo
8 You talk faster than an auctioneer
9 You want to be cremated just so you can be in a coffee can
10 Your eyes are so bugged out that there are no pupils

#Top10 #TooMuchCoffee #Funny #Blog