Italians: 1 We add extra syllables to words. 2 When we get together the dining room table is full of desserts. 3 If four people are coming for dinner, we cook enough for fifteen. God forbid we run out of food. 4 We talk with our mouths and our hands. If you tie up our hands, we are at a loss for words. 5 If you visit and say you aren’t very hungry, you will live to regret it. 6 We have no idea what indoor voice means. We talk loud. 7 We drink wine with every meal and eat bread. 8 We love to eat and when you are full, it is time for dessert. Manga. 9 We keep asking you if you want to eat, even if you say no. There is no such thing as a diet. 10 You always have to spell your last name.
1 Throwing pasta into boiling water and forgetting to lower the temperature. Volcano 🌋! 2 Heating up oil and throwing chicken in the frying pan. You get splattered all over by angry oil. Oochie Ouchie! 3 In an attempt to avoid under-cooking your cookies, you end up with hockey pucks. 4 Cracking eggs and getting shells in your food. Crunch crunch. 5 You have no clue when the meat is done so you keep flipping it in the pan. Maybe it will jump out when it is done. Flippity flop. 6 You forget to spray the pan and can’t get the eggs out. The poor eggs look like they have been thru a war. 7 While waiting for your food to bake, you occupy yourself until it is done. Then you forget until smoke starts coming out of the oven. 911! 8 Your meal turns out perfectly then you drop it on the floor. Three-second rule? 9 Messing up on a recipe and trying to save the dish by adding more stuff. Botched! Just throw it away already. 10 You undercook your cake and while it is cooling, it implodes. Oh my!
What to say to your child when they say “I’m bored”:
1 “Okay, you can help with some chores.” 2 “Here, read this book.” 3 “Take out the trash.” 4 “You can come food shopping with me.” 5 “You can mow the lawn for your father.” 6 “Why don’t you work on your report for school and get it out of the way?” 7 “Let’s go get that haircut for you right now.” 8 “Perfect, go through your closet and get rid of the clothes you don’t wear anymore.” 9 “Go play with your sister.” 10”Let’s go for a long walk.”
1 My husband asks me to look up how much he made last year. On my way upstairs, I bring up the shampoo on the steps and put it in the upstairs closet. 2 The closet is a mess, so I organize it and throw away old medicines. I get a trash bag from downstairs and bring a laundry basket upstairs. The bag isn ‘t quite full so I empty trash cans. 3 While I am in my son’s room, I make the bed and gather dirty laundry. Back downstairs. 4 I throw the dirty clothes in the wash and go back upstairs. I go to my room and put away the clean laundry. I go to the bathroom when I am done and proceed to clean both bathrooms upstairs. 5 The boys’ bathroom has a dirty glass on the sink so back downstairs to put it in the dishwasher. 6 The dishwasher is full so I empty it and then fill it with dirty dishes. I clean the counter and notice a pile of mail. 7 I go through the mail and pay the bills. Back upstairs to file everything away. 8 I decide to rearrange my office and run the vacuum. I may as well do the rest of the house. 9 My husband asks if I looked up his income. Back upstairs to look through the tax returns. While I’m here, I should get a folder ready for this year with notes. 10 Finally, I am done and go downstairs to tell hubby what I found. Now he asks, how much dental coverage do we have through our insurance. Oh boy, here we go again!
1 If someone shows up to dinner with a fork and knife, show them the door. What an embarrassment. 2 It turns you into a savage and you just can’t get enough. 3 If you don’t look a mess, you aren’t eating them right. 4 I’m sorry, I can’t pass that dish right now. I am slathered in bbq sauce. 5 They are so delicious that if you don’t have a pile of bones in your plate, you shouldn’t be eating. 6 If that bone isn’t clean, keep going. 7 Forget the paper bib, it’s expected to have bbq sauce everywhere. 8 When you are done, you feel like you died and went to heaven. 9 Don’t expect much conversation at the table other than mmmm. 10 I don’t need a napkin, I will lick my fingers to clean them.
1 The teacher pairs you up and your partner’s face looks like it is in shock. 2 It is time to brainstorm and the only thing your partner has to say is uh! Let me think. Duh really? 3 Your partner says no to every idea you have without offering any. Just do it! 4 You split up the work but have to pick up your partner’s slack because they are too lazy. 5 Your partner ghosts you when you call, text, or email. 6 Your partner refuses to share information because he wants his part to be better than yours. Boohoo you are lame. 7 They keep coming up with excuses for not getting done on time. Excuse me, you have me confused with your momma. 8 You end up meeting with yourself when they conveniently no show. 9 Your partner does not like you and makes it impossible to communicate. You wish that the teacher knew how little they did. 10 Your partner doesn’t care about their grade and is compromising yours with their inconsideration. Go away loser.
1 Looking around, the house suddenly looks bare and a lot bigger. 2 There are xmas tree needles everywhere. It’s a wonder the tree has any needles left 3 You don’t feel like putting forth the effort of putting everything away so you keep coming up with excuses to keep the tree up a week longer. 4 You order your kids to take down the decorations and they disappear, never to be found again. 5 Maybe I can leave it up and turn it into a valentines tree, then st. patty’s and then an Easter tree. 6 You look at the tree wondering if there is any way you can put it away to make it easier to put up next year. 7 You ponder throwing it all away and buying everything new next year. 8 You ask Alexa to do it but she doesn’t have that ability. Too bad. 9 You curse yourself for putting up so many lights on the outside of the house. 10 You keep breaking xmas ornaments and have more of a mess to clean up.
1 You are having a wonderful dream that is interrupted by an annoyingly loud alarm. The moment has passed and you are mad for the rest of the day. 2 You leave the house with the exact number of minutes to get to work and then you hit traffic. Hopefully, no one will notice when you sneak in late. 3 You decide to buy tickets at the door only to find that they are sold out. Please let me in. 4 You study the night before the exam only to fall asleep and wake up in the morning with no time to study. What happened? 5 You wait a whole year for vacation and it is over just as you settle in. Back to work? No way. 6 Your pregnancy may last an eternity while everyone else’s moves quickly. C’mon kid. Times up. 7 When you meet the love of your life and can’t get enough of them and count the seconds until you see them again. Remind yourself of that when you get mad at him. 8 When you blink and your youngest child is a man in college. What do you mean you want to live on your own. Silly! 9 When you wait for summer to get there and it is the fastest twelve weeks of the year. Back to school commercials make you angry as a parent and a student. 10 When you are taking your time on a test to get everything right but don’t have enough time to finish. Patience, teacher. Good things come to those who wait.
1 You can’t get to the next level because you keep dying and have to start all over. After an hour of pure frustration, I want to throw my controller through the TV. 2 Your batteries in your controller die at the worst possible time. It is a race to change them before you die in the game. 3 The game takes forever to load! C’mon. Wonder if I have time to run to Wawa. 4 The game requires a degree to learn the endless amount of controller combinations. Do they think I am Einstein? 5 The game won’t let me skip a scene. If I wanted to watch a movie I would have watched Netflix. 6 You play so long that you forget to eat, shower, and sleep. 7 All of the cool options require real money. I already bought the game so why do I need to keep spending money? 8 Not being able to save your progress whenever you choose. Or worse yet, forgetting to save and you lose hours of progress 🤬 9 Your mom wants to have a conversation when you are trying to game and doesn’t understand that you cannot pause the game. Talk to you later. 10 You need to enroll in anger management classes because of all your cursing and temper tantrums.
1 It feels like teams are getting picked, and I am going to be the last one. 2 I keep checking my bank account every hour on the hour, but nothing appears. Peek a boo, where the hell are you? 3 When I owe money, it is due immediately or I pay penalty and interest. Where’s my penalty and interest payment? 4 Let’s make it simple. Rub out any balance I owe this year and we will call it even. 5 Or you could forgive my college tuition for the semester. It will feel like xmas all over again. YASS! 6 Someone further along in the alphabet received theirs. What’s up with that? Are we playing favorites? 7 Are you testing my patience? Here’s a little secret. I have none. 8 Let me go on your website so that I can spin a wheel to double my winnings. Let’s make it interesting. 9 Since Donald wanted to give $2,000, I will take the additional $1,400 in casino chips. Especially since that amount sounded better to me. 10 I am not feeling very stimulated!
