KC Avalon’s Top Ten Blog

What color hair do they list for bald on a drivers license?
Choose from one of the options below:
1 Translucent – See through
2 Challenged – Unable to grow any.
3 Barren – Empty of hair
4 Glossy – Shiny head
5 Lost – Can’t find any
6 Leveled – Taken away
7 Smooth – Overly landscaped
8 Clean – Hair was mowed
9 Not one – None to count
10 Hiding – Having trouble locating any

#blog #topten #funny #bald

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Things I was never told about aging:
1 If laughing is good, what are these etchings in my face?
2 Why do I get amnesia mid sentence and forget what the hell I am talking about?
3 All of a sudden I am shorter and have T-Rex arms and have trouble reaching.
4 I feel like I used to be invincible when I was younger. Now my balance is wibbly wobbly and I seem to be made out of glass. If I fall, I break.
5 You turn 40 and your vision gets worse. Sometimes a blind bat can see better than you.
6 Cooking for big gatherings never used to be a big deal. Now it is .
7 Your bones start to make noises. I sound like Snap, Crackle, Pop when I walk up the stairs.
8 Why is hair popping up in places I don’t want it. Hair on my chin? What am I a goat?
9 After you are done with hot flashes which feel like your heart was replaced with the sun, you will freeze to death because your blood is replaced with ice.
10 Your muscles are stiff after you sit for a while and you need to warm them up. You moan out loud like a ghost every time you get up.

#blogger #topten #aging

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Allergies:
1 Your eyes get so red it looks like you smoked the wacky tobacky or they are so puffy it looks like you didn’t sleep in weeks.
2 You sneeze so many times that people are tired of blessing you and seem angry 😤 like you are doing it on purpose.
3 Your nose is running off of your face. You are about to shove tissues up your nose until it stops.
4 You broke out into hives and look like you have a catchy disease. No one wants to come near you.
5 You have asthma and have a coughing fit that turns into an asthma attack. People ask if you are alright while impatiently waiting for you to answer. You can’t speak so you start gesturing wildly like a game of charades.
6 You ate something you are allergic to and your face blows up like a pufferfish. Epi-pen anyone?
7 Your nose is so stuffed and you have a sinus headache. Every time you sneeze you feel great for 3 seconds until the pressure comes back.
8 Your eyes keep watering and people think you are crying. They are treating you so nice that you don’t feel like telling them it’s allergies.
9 You can’t find the right allergy meds. One makes you zonk out at work. The other makes you speed like drinking a pot of espresso.
10 You can’t hear because your ears won’t pop and when you bend over to pick something up, you are immediately dizzy and have to hold onto something.

#blogger #topten #allergies

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When you decide not to wear makeup:
1 Are you okay because you are looking awfully pale?
2 You would look so pretty with a little makeup. It really does miracles.
3 You look so much better on social media.
4 You would feel so much better about yourself if only you wore some makeup.
5 Oh do you have pink eye? You look naked without eyeliner.
6 Oh geez. What happened to your eyebrows?
7 What are those spots on your face?
8 Wow you look like you didn’t get any sleep last night with those dark circles.
9 I have a good dermatologist if you are interested.
10 Not everyone is a natural beauty.

#blogger #topten #nomakeup

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Beauty salons:

1 You bring a picture of what you want your hair to look like. Your stylist has her own vision but it wasn’t anything like your picture. You look like your mother in the sixties. Did my grandmom call you before I showed up?
2 You ask for a trim and get a hack job. Can you please reattach my hair? She must have been jealous of your beautiful hair. She did this on purpose.
3 You want to switch things up by going to someone else. When you go back to your regular stylist she notices and treats you as if you cheated on her personally. Honey, I never said we were exclusive. Don’t go psycho.
4 You ask for highlights but when it is done, you can’t even notice. You need a magnifying glass to see them. A bottle of lemon juice would have done more.
5 After your haircut, you realize one side is longer than the other. I demand to see your hairdresser certificate! I am ripping it up.
6 You ask for your bangs to be trimmed. When she is done you look like Jim Carey in Dumb and Dumber. What the flip were you thinking?
7 Your barber forgets to check the guard on the clippers and takes out a chunk of hair. You heard the weed whacker sound and immediately after she says oops. Oops, your ass! You can’t undo this one.
8 You want your eyebrows shaped and when you look in the handheld mirror, you want to hit her over the head with it. You look like Ronald McDonald. I didn’t ask for arches!
9 You want some blonde in your dark hair but your hair looks frosted when you are done. You look 20 years older. Thanks a lot, lady!
10 Your hairdresser over books and works on too many people at once. You are feeling neglected and went there to be pampered. If you wanted to be ignored, you could have stayed home.

#Blogger #TopTen #BeautySalon

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When you don’t want to move up to the next size in clothes:
1 You shame yourself so that you are forced to lose weight or be uncomfortable until you do. You would rather those pants squeeze the life out of you than spend money on new clothes.
2 The looser your clothes, the more you will eat to fill the gap.
3 You would rather buy stretch clothes just so you can say you are still the same size. You probably stretched yourself out two sizes with that forgiving fabric.
4 You lay on the bed and suck in your stomach so that you can get the zipper up on your jeans. If they still won’t budge, you pull the zipper up with a hanger. Just don’t bend over if you drop something or go to the bathroom until you get home.
5 You blame the dryer for shrinking your tops. Honey, your tops didn’t get smaller, you just got bigger.
6 You put your hands into fists and stretch out the inside of the shirt while you have it on to give you more room.
7 You wear spanx but are having trouble breathing because they are strangling you to death. Talk about uncomfortable. Once you try them you will never want to wear them again. Ever. NEVER.
8 Your shirt is a little too tight. Someone asks you when your baby is due. Why don’t you come over here so I can slap you for asking me such a stupid question. I eat a little too much and now you think I am having a baby! The nerve.
9 Your pants are so tight the pockets flare out like Dumbo’s ears. Forget about putting anything in those pockets. It will be a one way trip.
10 Hope you put your socks on before your pants because you won’t be bending over in them. You better make sure the shoes are slip on too or someone else is going to have to tie them.

#Blogger #Topten #TooTight

KC Avalon’s daily blog

tattoo nightmares
1 You ask for a specific tattoo artist who lets his apprentice practice on you. Um hello, I can’t erase this! What are you thinking? Go practice on a cpr dummy.
2 When you go in with a design and the guy decides to change it to something he likes. His version looks like a kindergartner drew it. I thought you were an artist!
3 It is obvious the person didn’t win any spelling bees. It’s supposed to say angel not angle 🤦🏻‍♀️
4 When you get a symbol only to find out you now belong in a gang.
5 When you ask for a tattoo but can’t handle the pain. You are the proud owner of a freckle tattoo.
6 Your new tat is crooked and looks like a drunk person did it.
7 The shop looks like an auto repair garage and artists don’t wear gloves.
8 The artist has no samples of their work and is offended you asked.
9 You expected a good size tattoo on your shoulder. The finished work is teeny tiny.
10 The ink bled and isn’t crisp and clear. It looks out of focus.

#blogger #topten #badink

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Why Diets Can Fail:
1 You want to lose thirty pounds by the weekend and will do whatever it takes.
2 You get on the scale the day after starting your diet and are disappointed by the numbers. That’s it, I’m done.
3 You go on a diet the day before vacation and make everyone miserable including yourself. Just eat already.
4 You are so hungry by dinner that you pull up a chair to the refrigerator and dig in.
5 To lose weight you will not eat more than 500 calories a day. Period.
6 You want to lose weight without exercising.
7 You can’t understand why you aren’t losing weight after drinking a case of beer.
8 You trust a restaurant to feed you the right portions for your diet.
9 You forget to account for everything you ate. You already told yourself the candy bar was because you were stressed and the doritos were because you worked hard and deserved it.
10 You misread food labels and ate about 8 servings too many. Oh boy.

#blogger #topten #dietfails

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When your hearing isn’t great:
1 After asking the person to repeat themselves twice you just give up and laugh and hope that it is the appropriate response.
2 Your boss is a soft talker and you try and strain your ears to hear them. SPEAK UP!
3 It’s kind of fun because you hear words that change the whole story. At least you amuse yourself.
4 You become the person who yells WHAT? all the time. It’s exhausting.
5 It sounds like the person is speaking in a foreign language. Say what?
6 People think you have a lot of company because your tv is so loud.
7 People sound like they are talking with marbles in their mouth and you have no clue what they are trying to say.
8 You are out of luck because you can’t read lips.
9 People get aggravated when they have to repeat themselves and think you are doing it on purpose.
10 When you go to a romantic restaurant with your spouse, you have no idea what he is saying to you. His lips are moving pretty quick so it must be interesting.

#blogger #topten #canthear

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When your hearing isn’t great:
1 After asking the person to repeat themselves twice you just give up and laugh and hope that it is the appropriate response.
2 Your boss is a soft talker and you try and strain your ears to hear them. SPEAK UP!
3 It’s kind of fun because you hear words that change the whole story. At least you amuse yourself.
4 You become the person who yells WHAT? all the time. It’s exhausting.
5 It sounds like the person is speaking in a foreign language. Say what?
6 People think you have a lot of company because your tv is so loud.
7 People sound like they are talking with marbles in their mouth and you have no clue what they are trying to say.
8 You are out of luck because you can’t read lips.
9 People get aggravated when they have to repeat themselves and think you are doing it on purpose.
10 When you go to a romantic restaurant with your spouse, you have no idea what he is saying to you. His lips are moving pretty quick so it must be interesting.

#blogger #topten #canthear