KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

When you decide not to wear makeup:
1 Are you okay because you are looking awfully pale?
2 You would look so pretty with a little makeup. It really does miracles.
3 You look so much better on social media.
4 You would feel so much better about yourself if only you wore some makeup.
5 Oh do you have pink eye? You look naked without eyeliner.
6 Oh geez. What happened to your eyebrows?
7 What are those spots on your face?
8 Wow you look like you didn’t get any sleep last night with those dark circles.
9 I have a good dermatologist if you are interested.
10 Not everyone is a natural beauty.

#blogger #topten #nomakeup

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Taking selfies:
1 You aren’t fooling anyone. I know that pic wasn’t taken in 1 shot. You probably did it 50 to 100 times before getting the perfect one.
2 Your nose isn’t the smallest. You look fine before you snap the shot but after it is taken your nose looks like it could poke someone’s eye out. Yow!
3 You look like you gained 20 pounds right in your face. Try again.
4 Your cute duck lip pose looks like you had a stroke. Oh no.
5 Instead of a sweet young thang you look like the old hag from Snow White. You just got scared looking at yourself.
6 You hold the camera at such an angle that you look like a stick figure under a magnifying glass.
7 Time to take the glasses off. You look like Velma with Coke bottle glasses on.
8 Why am I so pale? I look like I need a transfusion.
9 What is up with my lips? Looks like I sucked on a lemon then smoked a cigarette.
10 Why do my eyes look half shut? Then when I try to open them up more, I look someone demanded my new wallet with all of my money.

#blogger #topten #selfies

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Uncomfortable moments at the gym:
1 Using the abductor machine and making eye contact with the cutest guy in the gym. Great your legs are wide open when he smiles at you. You just gave him the wrong impression. Good job!
2 taking a sip of water while running on the treadmill. Instead of it hitting your mouth, it is all down the front of you.
3 Seeing someone you know who wants to chit chat while you look like an unattractive sweaty wreck.
4 Laying on your stomach while bringing up your legs on a machine and the personal trainer is trying to get your attention. Please go away.
5 You go to the locker room and someone is parading around in their birthday suit. I am so glad you are in love with your body but I really don’t want to see it. Please get dressed.
6 When the drill sargent instructor decides to shame you in front of the class. Excuse me dick, I don’t pay for you to insult me so you better giddy up.
7 When skinny show offs prance around for everyone else to see. You don’t even eat enough to go to a gym. GET OUT.
8 You are sweating out of every pore of your body at spin class. You have to hold on tight to avoid slipping off of the bike.
9 When you have no clue how to use a machine but attempt it anyway and use it wrong. Woopsie.
10 Walking away from the treadmill while your headphones are still plugged in. You feel like you are being lassoed back.

#blogger #topten #gymmoments

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

What cures a bad mood:
1 Hang out with and cuddle with your pet and your stress melts away.
2 Music really soothes the soul and calms the beast.
3 Receiving a present. If that isn’t going to happen, go shopping and treat yourself to an outfit.
4 Driving to the beach. It feels like vacation and makes you happy instantly.
5 Watch a funny movie and laugh out your bad mood.
6 Throw some air punches or hit a punching bag.
7 Go to the golfing range and hit some balls. Pretend it is the person who made you mad.
8 Have some ice cream. it will make your belly happy.
9 Buy yourself some flowers. They are so pretty and happy looking.
10 Take a day off from work and play hooky like the good old days.

#blogger #topten #moodbooster

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

If I had a dime for every time I _, I would be rich.
1 lost my phone
2 messed up a saying
3 bounced off a curb (fixed that one with Lasik)
4 cooked with the kitchen looking like a tornado hit it
5 rolled my eyes
6 hit the snooze button like a game show contestant
7 trip over my own two feet
8 put my foot 🦶 in my mouth 👄
9 dropped the F bomb 💣
10 said what but should have skipped it because I heard something completely ridiculous 😂

#blogger #topten #ifihadadime

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Rhetorical questions with answers:
1 “Why did I do that? How stupid am I?” Your response: “Well now that you mention it … you might want to sit down for this.”
2 “How are you?” We are really supposed to say fine but what if you want to expand on the normal answer? It’s impossible to be fine every day! Unfortunately there is no one around to listen!
3 “Can you do anything I ask?” Your response “When I get to it. Since you aren’t paying me, I will do it when I get around to it.”
4 “Since you have so much to say, would you like to teach the class today?” Your response, “Well I would definitely be more interesting, and there would be no homework.”
5 “Do you plan on being ready today?” Your response “Maybe you should be spending a little more time in the bathroom. You could use more work.”
6 “It sure is hot today, isn’t it?” Your response “No shit Sherlock! Don’t you see the makeup melting off of my face.”
7 “How many times do I have to tell you?” Your response “Why don’t you tell me one more time.”
8 “Why did you marry me?” Your response “Well I thought you had money since you came from a rich town. Then I thought you were holding out on me. Now I realize you don’t have two dimes to rub together.”
9 “Is this some kind of joke?” Your response “Well it is hilarious for me. Obviously you aren’t getting a kick out of it.”
10 “How many times do I have to tell you no running in the house?” Your response “Don’t bother since I don’t listen anyway.”

#blog #blogger #topten #rhetoricalquestions

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Beauty salons:

1 You bring a picture of what you want your hair to look like. Your stylist has her own vision but it wasn’t anything like your picture. You look like your mother in the sixties. Did my grandmom call you before I showed up?
2 You ask for a trim and get a hack job. Can you please reattach my hair? She must have been jealous of your beautiful hair. She did this on purpose.
3 You want to switch things up by going to someone else. When you go back to your regular stylist she notices and treats you as if you cheated on her personally. Honey, I never said we were exclusive. Don’t go psycho.
4 You ask for highlights but when it is done, you can’t even notice. You need a magnifying glass to see them. A bottle of lemon juice would have done more.
5 After your haircut, you realize one side is longer than the other. I demand to see your hairdresser certificate! I am ripping it up.
6 You ask for your bangs to be trimmed. When she is done you look like Jim Carey in Dumb and Dumber. What the flip were you thinking?
7 Your barber forgets to check the guard on the clippers and takes out a chunk of hair. You heard the weed whacker sound and immediately after she says oops. Oops, your ass! You can’t undo this one.
8 You want your eyebrows shaped and when you look in the handheld mirror, you want to hit her over the head with it. You look like Ronald McDonald. I didn’t ask for arches!
9 You want some blonde in your dark hair but your hair looks frosted when you are done. You look 20 years older. Thanks a lot, lady!
10 Your hairdresser over books and works on too many people at once. You are feeling neglected and went there to be pampered. If you wanted to be ignored, you could have stayed home.

#Blogger #TopTen #BeautySalon

KC Avalon’s daily blog

How hard can it be to bake a cake?
1 You take it out of the oven and allow it to cool. When you come back to check on it, the cake is flat like a pancake. Poor thing.
2 You didn’t cook it enough. When you cut it open, there is raw cake batter inside. I guess you can convince people it is a pudding cake.
3 You forget to grease and flour the bundt cake pan. Getting the cake out of the pan is impossible. You begin by tapping the cake and then lose all patience. Your mother comes in to see you in a boxing match with the cake.
4 You are feeling overly ambitious and try a triple layer cake. It is so perfect that it should be a work of art. That is until you carry it to the fridge and you helplessly watch each layer sail to the floor in slow motion.
5 You try to be artistic and copy a cake that you saw in a magazine. Your castle looks like a volcano hit it and is a hot mess. The towers look like penises. Oh boy! Too late to make or buy another one. Hopefully, no one will notice.
6 Your cake baked unevenly because you kept opening the oven door as if you were watching a peep show.
7 You didn’t have the right size cake pan so you used a smaller one. It would not have been a problem if you put less batter but you poured the whole thing. The batter overflowed all over the oven and the fire alarm went off. The firemen showed up to put the fire out in your oven.
8 You burnt the bottom of the cake in an effort to make sure the cake was completely cooked thru. Now you have to cut off the bottom and everyone thinks they are eating brownies.
9 You forget to precook your fruit for your pie. Everyone is trying to fake how good it is but you can hear the crunching of the apples. Dagnabbit.
10 You overwork the dough because you want to give it some special tender loving care. You are left with a hard and dry crust and your guests are left unsatisfied for dessert. They have to stop on the way home to buy something more appetizing. No one ever asks you to make a dessert again.

#blogger #topten #bakingcakes

KC Avalon’s Daily Blog

Funny things some beginner golfers do:
1 They try to hit the ball off of the tee but swing and miss. Again and again. Twenty shots later you are still going. This isn’t a batting range. Everyone is looking at you and barely swallowing their laugh. You finally pick the ball up and put it in your pocket and skip that hole. It’s probably just first hole stage fright because everyone watching.
2 You see everyone taking practice shots before they hit the ball. You do your best to make everyone think you know what you are doing. You tip the ball and it falls off the tee. NO don’t count that! I didn’t mean to hit it.
3 You try to kill the ball so that it goes the furthest. The macho man in you has to show how much power you have. Good job. Now your ball has hooked or sliced instead of going straight. Good luck finding it.
4 You hit the ball and cup you hand above your eyes to see how far it went. Wow it must be on the green! Hee hee hee. Your ball is right by your foot. Embarrassing.
5 You can’t hit the ball out of the sand. Sand is flying everywhere but the ball remains. The only thing you managed to do is dig a hole with your club.
6 You think you are too good for the golfing range. Anyone can hit a ball. You don’t need practice. Don’t be surprised when your friends don’t ask you to come along anymore because you take too long.
7 Overcompensating by buying ridiculously expensive equipment thinking it will make you play better. Hey buddy, you still play pathetic.
8 Throwing temper tantrums because you are playing lousy. Stringing curse words together and throwing clubs is not going to make your game better. You big donkey. Calm down or your game will get a whole lot worse.
9 You kick your ball or move it when no one is looking because you don’t like the location. Cheater!!
10 Hitting the ball at the same time as someone else on the green. This isn’t mini golf. You are disqualified.

#blog #blogger #topten #golfing