Never say these things to a police officer:
1 Don’t worry. I only had two beers. It takes a six-pack before I start bouncing off of curbs.
2 I was only going 80 mph. You should have stopped the other guy. He flew past me and was probably going at least 90 mph. If I didn’t stop, you never would have caught me.
3 Officer, I am really in a hurry right now. Can you speed this process up?
4 So how much money will it take to make this go away?
5 You are a little grouchy tonight. You must not have eaten your doughnut.
6 Oh… you are giving me a speeding ticket? Thank God. I thought you were pulling me over for smoking weed.
7 Oops I think I just handed you my fake ID. Here you go. This is the real one.
8 Whatever you do, please don’t ask me to pop my trunk.
9 How would you like to climb in the back seat with me and show me your big gun. I will take my clothes off so you can frisk me.
10 Well you see, I dropped my gun while I was driving. I tried to pick it up and then knocked my beer over. I thought my car was going to stop, but I must have hit the gas pedal instead. It is a little hard to drive when you are trying to clean up.