Getting your school picture taken:
1 Some stranger comes at you with a comb and is like the hairdresser from hell. Do I look like I ever wore my hair like that?
2 I can tell by looking at this awful picture that I was not in the least bit ready. You clearly wanted to call it a day because I look like I swallowed a hairball.
3 Oh wow, you placed the light so that it would highlight the big zit on my face. You must have thought my mother wanted to treasure the memory.
4 It’s your job to tell me that I have something in my teeth. I wasn’t trying to garnish the picture.
5 You obviously are not a professional. They must have hired you from the circus. You couldn’t take a good picture if your life depended on it. I bet this is the first time you held a camera.
6 You must make $1 an hour. I can tell by the quality of your work. You act like you are scanning items at the grocery store checkout.
7 You should be able to tell when you need to retake the picture. If my mother isn’t going to like it, she will track you down.
8 If I have a shocking look on my face like a horror movie, you better snap a few more.
9 I can assure you that you are not good enough to get it on the first try. You better have more than one to choose from.
10 It’s your job to make me laugh. I can’t laugh on cue. My face looks like I ate a lemon. Help me out, dude. I am stuck with this picture all year.