Baby Sitting for a living:
1 You are hoping the kids sleep the entire time, but they have more energy than five Red Bulls. Oh yay.
2 You don’t know what the kid ate, but they did number two and it exploded all over them. Oh gross! I will just call the fire department to hose him off. That’s why you pay taxes.
3 You went outside for a second and the kid locked you out. You get so stressed out playing negotiator with her and give into her bribe for $20 to let you back in. If you didn’t know better, the whole thing smells like a setup.
4 The kid is a monster and refuses to listen. Two hours feels like two days. You will never ever have kids. NEVER.
5 The kid tells you they are allowed to watch rated R movies. The parents come home and are horrified and ask you not to come back again.
6 You put the kid in timeout but he won’t stay. You tie him to the chair with rope and tape his mouth shut so you don’t have to listen to the back talk. The parents don’t pay you and threaten to call the police.
7 You take the kid with you to run errands. You are cool so you let the four year old sit in the front seat with you. You return later that night. The parents came home hours ago and are furious. Geeze a thank you would be sufficient.
8 You teach the kid how to play beer pong. Mom and dad are not amused.
9 “These two were not getting along all night so I just let them fight it out. This one didn’t do so good. You might want to get him boxing lessons.”
10 “The food in the fridge wasn’t all for me? SORRY! Maybe you should label it next time if you don’t want me to eat it.”